Aibu for working in the same place as my friend?

[Clydethecaterpillar]

context, been stuck in a bit of a career rut for 4 years, feeling down about it. Saw a job post on LinkedIn for a role at the same company my friend works at, different department so we wouldn’t really be working together but might bump into each other at the office if we were both In at the same time.
sent job ad to friend to get her thoughts, all very positive and telling my to go for it. I did, interviewed and got the role with a 7k pay rise and more holiday. Win win. Accept job, quit old job and sign contract.
friend now tells me, she’s uncomfortable me working there, but can’t say why when asked, she’s just uncomfortable because her career is everything to her and she has integrity. My working there has no impact on her as I can’t foresee any situation in which we’d be working together. She didn’t sneak my interview questions or anything. She’s now defriended me on all social media and said if I chose to work there then she can’t continue the friendship.

have I done something wrong here? Aibu to have applied in the first place. I didn’t name drop her or anything to get the job, we wouldn’t really even see each other at work as 90% is remote. i just don’t understand.

if it was such a big deal I don’t get why she didn’t say before?

Your friend is really weird. I don't understand what her problem is, especially if like you say, you don't even work in the same department.

I’d be a project manager and she’s a product owner, so they are similar and perhaps, maybe there could be an eventuality in which my team could interact with hers, but so what, lots of people become friendly at work. I just don’t get it

Wow! You didn't do anything wrong here at all - it's totally her issue. What a weird thing given she said it was ok in the first place! Sorry to hear you've lost a friend over this.

I think she’s really weird tk unfriend you on social media and have an either / or situation

but, I would feel weird about having friends at my company. I have quite a defined line between work and personal life, and it would make me feel a bit odd to have the lines blurred a bit. She works there already so has an insight in to politics, the way different depts interact and perhaps she has first hand experience of how colleagues interact with one another

ultimately neither of you are really in the wrong, she’s entitled to feel how she does and you’re entitled to feel aggrieved that she didn’t tell you how she felt before you got the role

you can only roll with it really, hopefully it will improve when you start if you still want the friendship

This is weird silver of our best recruits in my line of work are friends/family of current staff, it's a bit niche and hard to describe in job ads so we tend to get people who already know a bit admit what they're getting themselves into. Also lots of people make good friends at work who they are socially. My best friend I worked with when I was 18 and she was 21, for eighteen months. She was my maid of honour and were still the bossy of friends twenty years later and now work in very different industries. Your friend is insane.

Off course you didn't do anything wrong.
Your friend is weird

Maybe she has told a few porkies about herself and is worried that she will be found out. It sounds like she resents you, so good riddance to an insincere friend. All the best in your new job!

Your friend is weird. I wouldn’t take any notice of her at all.

@SummerWhisper I was going to say exactly the same thing. She's worried She's going to be outed. Can't think of any other reason.

see I’d feel awkward if a friend asked me to support their application and I didn’t feel they had a strong work ethic and it would look bad on me, or maybe if they behaved in quite a bad way at the office, I guess the defriending or whatever started on LinkedIn but has carried over to other things, it’s as if she’s trying to erase the fact she knows me. But she’s actually told me to apply their in several past incidences, and tbh she wouldn’t have to tell anyone we even knew each other, i genuinely can’t see it ever coming up, in fact now it’s more awkward because I obviously have to take the job now, esp as I quit my old one

This about the porkies....

She didn't think you would get when she said go for it. More fool her. Ignore.

Maybe she has reinvented herself at work and you could blow her cover?
Or having and affair?

Another one who suspects she has lied about something or is doing something she doesn't want you to know about (like an affair)

Oh I didn’t even think about that, she’s probably told probably told lies about herself, and is worried I could out her or at least call her out on it in private

Is your role more senior/better paid - could she be jealous?
Perhaps she didn't mind you working there in an entry level role.
Just ignore her. If you come across her at work act like you don't know her.

Yes, something on these lines. She's lied or is doing something she doesn't want you to know about!

I bet she’s lied about something and is worried you’d blow her cover.

Years ago I worked with a guy whose wife had two babies in quick succession. With the second one she had loads of issues - he had shitloads of time off. People bent over backwards to help him.
we had a new starter when his second baby was a month old. She started at 10am and he walked out at lunchtime and didn’t come back.
The second baby was complete fiction - he’d just realised how much paid time off he could get. He’d planned to say she’d lost the baby but then someone in the team did lose their baby and he didn’t feel he could do it. Our work was terrible with paperwork - one guy off sick got paid for 7 months before they chased a sick line.
He’d have got away with it if she hadn’t started - turned out she mentioned also doing odd part time shifts in a pub where his SIL also worked.

It’s either secrets or jealousy, I’d bet money on it.

Did you tell her about the £7k negotiation? She might be put out you’ve waltzed in and commanded your worth (good for you btw!!!) when she hasn’t had such a rise perhaps?

But more likely, she will have spun a work persona that she doesn’t want to be uncovered. Seen it so many times. I actually ended a friendship over something similar when I was told by colleagues how brave she was for facing so many tough times over the past year, losing her grandfather, being burgled, a cancer scare. Non of which happened.

she’s just uncomfortable because her career is everything to her and she has integrity.

*
^^*what is she implying here?

Does she think you have no integrity or are dishonest at some way at work/ will be embarrassing to her or is she deflecting and it's her there is an issue with as others have said?

She doesn't sound like much of a friend. You asked her prior to quitting your own job and she didn't say anything then. She thinks you should now not take up this better job after handing in your notice for her friendship and yet has already disassociated herself from you?

Hmm very odd behaviour from her , I'd be suspicious of her too,you're well rid if that's what she's like
Congratulations though @Clydethecaterpillar

She's being extra weird given how awkward she's made it now.

i doubt it, she’s more senior than I am, probably earns another £20k on me. I wondered actually if it might have been status? Can’t be being seen to being friends with a person of my status? Perhaps that’s reading into it too much though

I’m not too sure of the implication because I’ve always performed quite well at work, I mean I’m not exceptional but always a solid performer, keep out of gossip kind of person. She’s slagged quite a few people off from work and told me some tall tales about the things she’s expected to do, maybe it’s that? But it’s seems a bit ironic saying she’s got integrity given how much she’s always joked saying she gets out of bed at 8:55 and logs on and turns her camera off for her first few meetings because she’s just woke up

I do t think you have done anything wrong at all, you have been open with her from the beginning.

However - I have been burnt by a friend joining my workplace before (I recommended her and she didn't settle and walked out without giving notice) and it would make me apprehensive about another friend joining where I work now. Could it be something like that with her?