Aibu for working in the same place as my friend?

[Clydethecaterpillar]

context, been stuck in a bit of a career rut for 4 years, feeling down about it. Saw a job post on LinkedIn for a role at the same company my friend works at, different department so we wouldn’t really be working together but might bump into each other at the office if we were both In at the same time.
sent job ad to friend to get her thoughts, all very positive and telling my to go for it. I did, interviewed and got the role with a 7k pay rise and more holiday. Win win. Accept job, quit old job and sign contract.
friend now tells me, she’s uncomfortable me working there, but can’t say why when asked, she’s just uncomfortable because her career is everything to her and she has integrity. My working there has no impact on her as I can’t foresee any situation in which we’d be working together. She didn’t sneak my interview questions or anything. She’s now defriended me on all social media and said if I chose to work there then she can’t continue the friendship.

have I done something wrong here? Aibu to have applied in the first place. I didn’t name drop her or anything to get the job, we wouldn’t really even see each other at work as 90% is remote. i just don’t understand.

if it was such a big deal I don’t get why she didn’t say before?

YANBU, I am really sorry this has happened. I agree with other posters, it's secrets or jealousy. You may have to draw a line under this so-called friendship, I'm sure you'll make some nice new friends in your new role.

I would REALLY hate it if one of my friends started working for the same company as me, I just prefer to keep my personal life seperate to my professional one. It's all a bit... suffocating. But I would have just told you that in the first place.

I mean I get that, but I never asked her to make a referral, she didn’t help or provide interview tips (never asked) so as far as work knows, we don’t know each other, so even if i did make an absolute twat of myself, it wouldn’t be tied to her anyway

i didn’t ask her permission to apply but I did send her the job ad and said I was thinking of applying as it was a good pay rise and with COL I need it. But it’s a big ass company, that 95% wfh, so it’s so unlikely, but not impossible, that we’d even see each other at work let alone work together.

but tbh she knows the extra money would be helpful col and mortgages etc, im just not sure what sort of friend would stand in the way of that

So now you know that actually she isn't your friend. Take the job and make new ones op!
Congratulations!

Congratulations!
She isn't your friend. If she was she would be saying congratulations and perhaps introducing you to a few people.
She's having an affair, I absolutely agree with pp about that, or she hates it that someone who knows her away from work might dish a bit of dirt on her to her colleagues. I wonder what she has to hide?

@Clydethecaterpillar

She’s slagged quite a few people off from work and told me some tall tales about the things she’s expected to do, maybe it’s that? But it’s seems a bit ironic saying she’s got integrity given how much she’s always joked saying she gets out of bed at 8:55 and logs on and turns her camera off for her first few meetings because she’s just woke up

That sounds very probable. I wonder whether she's had second thoughts because of this? A bit like losing a very close friend who's told you too many secrets and is now uncomfortable know how much you know about them.. 🌹

Perhaps you know more about her past etc. than she has shared with colleagues.?

I'd have felt uncomfortable if a friend had joined my workplace.

It's not that I ever lied about my past/life, I just never shared as much as others did about theirs.

Perhaps it's that rather than lying or an affair? Perhaps you know a lot more than she has chosen to share and she's worried you may inadvertently let something slip which she'd prefer colleagues to not know about?

She's not the CEO😂 It's quite embarrassing on her part that she thinks you should turn a job role down just because she works there, you got the job fair and square. Very weird person

This is on her - you spoke to her about it before applying for the job and she had no problem. Maybe she was surprised that you got it and didn't anticipate this ever being an issue.

Having said that you have done nothing wrong. It is sad that she is willing to give up on a friendship as a result of this.

Best of Luck with the new position OP.

You friend is not a friend! Wow, how weird!
I was recently at risk of redundancy and my friend who is very senior in a company shared a job post to me in a completely separate dept, I applied through the appropriate channels and was interviewed, accepted for the job. My friend is absolutely thrilled for me, she can’t wait for us to be able to coordinate our days in the office so we can go for drinks after work in the city etc etc! Cant believe your friend has reacted that way! Unreasonable!

You've done nothing wrong and your friend is over reacting snd strange.

You do seem easily swayed by other's opinions and highlighting above example, you appear to have been so easily persuaded by an anonymous poster on an Internet forum. I really wonder how how/if it will be different in the workplace. And perhaps your (ex)friend knows this (knowing you)

Regardless of what has happened, its always better to 'be the bigger person' and reserve judgement until you know the facts, rather than just be in agreement that "she's probably told lies"

Why would you even assume that you would be privy to all that goes on in her personal life anyway?

Congratulations on your new role..

Well I don’t assume that I know everything about her life, nor have I said so… weird comment to make

but I’m not sure how being swayed has anything to do with the workplace? What exactly would I be swayed into doing? My work?

well I assumed initially as she couldn’t tell me why she wanted me to say I couldn’t join after having signed the contract and was making me choose between her and employment due to maybe me being in a lower role, so other perhaps pointing out she’s maybe exaggerated her role, or somethings about herself makes more sense, but thanks

You know too much about her, OP. She can't take the risk of something coming out.

Congratulations on your new job!

I would let this “friend” go. When people unfriend you on social media it’s like the trash takes itself out 😂

It was merely an observation based on your comment "she has probably told lies about herself and is worried I could out her"

Hopefully I got it wrong and just misunderstood. No malice intended. But, its completely understandable that you are somewhat confused and upset about her reaction.

Focusing on the positives, congratulations on the new role and I wish you every success in 2023 and beyond..

Maybe she's having an affair ?

Your friend is weird. My only thought is that actually somethings happened she doesn't want you to find out about 🤣

Your friend does not do the job she has told you I bet, and she is probably more junior than she has made out.

I wonder if the friend has LinkedIn? Could be a way to catch out lies

Congratulations and yes she's being the weirdo.

I'd message her and say something like "I'm disappointed in your reaction, especially deleting me on social media, it's uncalled for. You encouraged me to go for the job, the money means a lot to me and I've already quit my existing job and accepted this one. Hopefully we can work this out, especially now we'll be at the same company, but if not, good luck with everything."

I'm going to go against the grain here.

I could tell from your original post that she was more senior than you, and, in and of itself, that's the issue. It's sad but I absolutely get it. In a very senior position in some organisations, she may need to be seen to distance herself from those who are not in senior leadership (rightly or wrongly). Depending on the company culture, is not always appropriate to be seen to have friends in the organisation, particularly those much more junior than you. That's the issue. Sorry OP, it's tough and shit for you/your friendship but I am v senior in my organisation and I get it. She should have told you before though.

She is super weird. A friend of mine referred me for my new job, we'll be on the same team when I start next month. We're both looking forward to it.

I reckon she's seeing you as a threat to her position , maybe she's told a few porkies to big herself up to her employers and you know the truth