Aibu for working in the same place as my friend?

[Clydethecaterpillar]

context, been stuck in a bit of a career rut for 4 years, feeling down about it. Saw a job post on LinkedIn for a role at the same company my friend works at, different department so we wouldn’t really be working together but might bump into each other at the office if we were both In at the same time.
sent job ad to friend to get her thoughts, all very positive and telling my to go for it. I did, interviewed and got the role with a 7k pay rise and more holiday. Win win. Accept job, quit old job and sign contract.
friend now tells me, she’s uncomfortable me working there, but can’t say why when asked, she’s just uncomfortable because her career is everything to her and she has integrity. My working there has no impact on her as I can’t foresee any situation in which we’d be working together. She didn’t sneak my interview questions or anything. She’s now defriended me on all social media and said if I chose to work there then she can’t continue the friendship.

have I done something wrong here? Aibu to have applied in the first place. I didn’t name drop her or anything to get the job, we wouldn’t really even see each other at work as 90% is remote. i just don’t understand.

if it was such a big deal I don’t get why she didn’t say before?

I think the friendship is fucked so there's no harm in asking her why she's being so obstructive, outright. I would. I'd be annoyed.

Your friend is fucking weird OP and the fact she's being so obscure in her reasons for cutting the friendship says to me that she doesn't have any real reason - not one she wants to admit anyway.

If I had to put money on it, she's either told porkies to you or to colleagues and the terror of both of those worlds meeting each other has made her react like this. Leave her off and don't bother contacting her. Keep your job. I for one would be delighted to work with a friend and meet for lunch/after work dinner/bathroom meltdown.

Sounds like she feels threatened by you. Weird that she kept telling you to apply there but deep down she probably either didn't think you would or didn't think you'd yet the job. And now that you have she feels threatened by you because she's probably made herself out to be someone she's not. Do you really want to be friends with someone so fickle that they drop you if you don't do what they say?

take the job. Lost a friend

She sounds silly

She’s crazy. Is this media? The world is small and incestuous, you can’t limit yourself by not working where your friends work! 🤣

I’d keep things polite with her, as you don’t know if you could come across each other in a work capacity.

I predict she is going to feel very foolish soon and put in a lunch with you at work in a couple of months’ time. Then I’d let bygones be bygones but NEVER forget that she can’t be trusted. Don’t feed her any gossip like did to to you.

She's being very weird. If she felt that way she should have said before you applied.
I've got jobs at companies where friends work and have also encouraged friends to go for jobs where I work.
I think you should definitely start the job. Congratulations!

Zombie thread ……

forgot about this, no it’s not in the media. I took the job, she never spoke to me again and work wise she’s been gunning for me ever since, rumours and negative feedback even though our paths never really cross - it’s quite embarrassing.

Bloody hell OP, what a nightmare. So much for her integrity. Can you report this? Sounds like bullying.

Blimey. Your ex friend appears to have no integrity whatsoever.

Start keeping a record and report to hr.

She sounds unhinged.

It is a nightmare and I think if she does a few more things I will report her. Reason why, she’s more senior than me and more embedded in the company so I don’t really want to look like the trouble maker. The things she’s said are insidious, and sort of he said she said. For instance, I was pulled up for apparently being very rude to someone in another area of the business (her area) in the bathroom, I wasn’t given the name of the person who reported me but it was clealry her as it was her area of the business and the fact it was a flat out lie. Luckily as well as being a completely separate floor which I wouldn’t go on, I was on leave the day that it apparently happened. So it was concluded to be a case of mistaken identity. This sort of thing

She's entitled to feel however she wants to feel, but she's wrong to pass that on to you.

You asked her opinion on the job, she said go for it, so you went for (and got) it!

Any subsequent weird feelings are her own to have.

What a vindictive piece of work she is. You are better off without friends like that! I hope you're diarising this and that you have kept a copy of her message stating that she couldn't be friends with you if you took this job. That in itself is a very powerful piece of evidence. I bet she's done this before as well. (Seems to be a "type" of person who behaves like this - they can't help themself)

Wow! She is seriously batshit crazy 🦇💩

Ha, if she'd still been speaking to you she would've known you were on leave - that has really backfired, hasn't it?

Make sure you keep a record of everything, OP. I've a feeling you will need that record before too long.

I'd agree the most likely scenario is that the personality she has created for her professional life is not remotely like the person she really is in reality and you have now unwittingly become a threat to her because you could blow her 'integrity' apart.

Luckily it was rather last minute and I’d forgotten to put it in my diary and an OOO on, not normally good practice but saved my bacon here I believe because she could’ve checked my calendar.

im documenting everything including funny comments that are feeding back to me through other people

If you have anything in writing from her when she was telling you she didn't want you take this job, add that to your file as well...

Yes, definitely keep anything where she said she wanted you to apply and then later said she didn't want you to have the job.

What sorts of things have others said?

JFC....This is NUTS....

Honestly have a sit down with your line manager off the record now. Today. n

In the meeting keep it professional and say you just want to do your job and sorry to have to bring this up but you are concerned.
Then send an email thanking them for their time and referencing topline what was discussed Inc crazy ladies name. (This is so LM can't pretend they weren't aware late down the line)

And start creating a paper trail and noting everything as and when it happens.

Also! If you EVER get called into an impromptu meeting of any kind of have a scheduled meeting about it always pop to the bathroom first (bring a notebook and your phone) put your phone on voice memo and leave it face down on the notebook. Go into the meeting and either pop it on you lap or the table in front of you. No one notices and voila! the meeting is recorded.

This is proved to be the single most useful trick I have ever learned professionally and has pulled me out of several holes/saved me from lies and assisted with a £££ payout.

But in that case you step back from the friendship, particularly at work. You don’t try to bully the person into not taking the job at all!

Well there was some feedback from someone in her team that stood as a stand in or note taker for one meeting I led, apparently they found me hostile, but the feedback came from her, luckily again there was a more senior stakeholder in the meeting who noted no hostility, so that never went anywhere.

then once at lunch I had an odd reaction from a group of her direct reports, like you know when someone you’ve never met knows all about you, like oh you’re such and such, and then some knowing looks exchanged. I didn’t know they were here direct reports at the time just found it v uncomfortable but found out later they were.

there was another thing about what I let my direct reports wear to work, a snr manager in another function pointed out that someone in my team wore a branded hoodie and brand logos go against the dress code apparently. I do not believe in micromanaging what people wear but it got pointed to me by my snr manager that their peer in product mentioned something and that person was concerned about image and key word …integrity of the business. So basically her. Honeslty lots of other people have Nike or all saints jumpers, no one cares it just so happens it’s mentioned to me

Gosh. Have you considered having a conversation with HR and giving them the full background?