To be unsure about living in this very affluent area when we are not well off. Feelings .

[Wibblingalittie]

Hi we live in what has become and affluent area. It used to be much more varied. in fact at one point ut was run down .
it is in a beautiful rural place and visitors come who have money to spend . The house prices have risen . Local cafes etc are always full as are the pubs.

We have a moderate income , a 15 year old car . We economise all the time.

There are a lot of rich early retired people our age age here.
When we socialise , because of our income , we have to be careful and we find we have very different lives .

We are quite strong minded people who have worked in public services all our lives so ut is not like we wt ro emulate them .. its more that the gap is becoming increasinglt apparent when we simply go

out for a drink or our daily lives and it is starting to feel like a constant message / prey on out minds . It's like the reverse of cbt .. In that we are constanlky reminded of the difference.

example s in last few weeks include

having to remind people why we cant drink in rounds as cant afford ( an alien concept by look on faces)

being asked why dont i go private for health care

being told about bi monthly holidays/ 90 days abroad .

why we have not fixed a problem on the house
( visible from road)

actually said .. we dont know what to do with all our money.. we don't need this much . Complains re multiple inheritance tax .

at our age we have everything

this sort of thing is said in bewildered tones . It seems innocent not nasty.

also isnt it great to be retired ( age 50) .

it i means we cant do some things as th
e more sensitive or aware don't invite us as they don't want to embarrass.
So dont get invited .
any tips ? Thinking of positive thinking ( v happy live here) .. ignore iit ..
move ?

ditto holidays and holiday photos - if I want to see photos of Egypt I can watch 1 m documentaries or travel series on it. Or take to trip advisor to see bad real life holiday photos.

An awful lot of social chit chat is dull and status driven at the end of the day - maybe the hobby groups are worth persisting with to find more?

I thought rounds are so old fashioned ?

If there's one whom you genuinely like and want to remain friends with, just tell her straight sometime. We say no because we simply don't have any money, we haven't had the house fixed because it's far too expensive to do amd will take 25 years to save that amount, we don't buy rounds because of lack of funds, we can't go on holiday, we can barely afford to run the car we have and maya e to ditch it leta¡one buy another one.......our income will not allow us to keep up with you all socially, but we can be hospitable and cook good food and have convivial evenings which we would love to do but we can't offer gin/vodka/sherry/whiskey etc, we'd like someone to bring a bottle of red or white and we'll do everything else.....

If this person is worth knowing they'll love to spend evenings like that as a regular thing, nice home cooked food, some nice wine and good conversation - honestly, more than that is not needed.

People who don't want to do that aren't worth worrying about. Stick with it if you love the area, you will sort the wheat from the chaff, and wheat can grow in the most surprising of places iyswim.

i am not a reverse snob . i am however , I hope , socialky aware .
Recent example was saying how she will never have to work again / ooh its great to be retired to a person in out village who works full time . i just think
Read The Room .

I think you're being a little silly here. You're perceiving insults where none are likely meant, and focusing altogether too much on money.

So what if someone is enjoying being retired at 50? Is your own job such a trial to you and is your life so miserable that the good fortune of others feels like salt in a wound?

If the answer to that is yes, then figure out what's stopping you from blooming where you're planted. It's not other people's responsibility to refrain from any mention of any possible topic that might upset a neighbour.

Isn’t she allowed to express enthusiasm about her own life without you taking it as a personal affront? I think if you’re resentful and jealous as you sound then perhaps you can’t cope with being friends with people different financial circs. Plenty of people are fine with it though.

You and your DP could be us. Our area has gentrified over last 10 years, and adjacent area become very expensive. DC's friends from school live in huge houses worth x5 more than ours, and when we occasionally socialise with this group we're 'the salt of the earth' public sector / artsy couple charmingly slumming it on the estate. Shrug. We reciprocate as we would with any other friends; we host bring a dish and bottle to share in the warmer months and hang out in the garden as the house is too small.

I have a group of friends from uni who have gone mostly into financial sector jobs. After 20+ years of working in the NHS the differences between us is very apparent - in fact, one has a son who has just started his first graduate job on almost the same salary as I make after 3 degrees and all these years of work. I have had to take a step back from them - they are nice people, but I cannot live with the caonstnt chipping away at my feeling of wellbeing.

constant

I love other people's houses! Unfortunately the downside of having non braggy friends is that I'm rarely offered a tour. I do however spend a lot of time on right move just looking at the photographs of random houses.

Sometimes it's not a matter of class difference, but socio-economic differences. If you live in a lovely spot and enjoy your life generally, I wouldn't move. It does deem you are included, so it's not a matter of them excluding you. But if you find yourself increasingly socially isolated, then have a good re-think about the future. Your house will have increased in value, so you may get a lovely house in another location, but perhaps not as desirable.

I remember once being at a social gathering, and all the talk was about foreign vacations, house upgrades and new cars. I really had nothing to contribute, and just sat listening. They didn't mean to sound snobbish, since they all had these things in common, except for me. I was doing my best not to eye-roll. I know I wouldn't want to be a part of this gang, it would chip away at my self esteem if constantly exposed to it.

I'd move. Make soem money on the house sale, so you have a little more disposable income and find a home in an area where others are in similar financial circumstances.

One of my family members lives in an area that is very pretty but not wealthy. They have the best social life. When fuel prices went up they took it in turns to hang out at each others' homes and cook - saving on heating and cooking costs for several nights a week, and having fun together.

I think buying a round should be cancelled; last time I went for a drink it coat £11.60 for two craft pints beer, less in an average pub. I can't see it being sustainable.

Your situation reminds me of an article I read some years ago, by a financial advisor who had a background in psychology. This person specialised in advising clients who'd had an unexpected large windfall. Apparently about 80% of such people blow their entire windfall within five years. Onlookers think these people are being stupid, but they aren't. They are simply so uncomfortable with being in a radically different situation from their friends and family that they unconsciously seek to return to the original setup. Opposite way round to your scenario, but the same idea.

It's very difficult when the people around you lead lives which are so different from yours. Even if they WERE more sensitive and did understand how you live, it's bound to be awkward sometimes. As you said, why would they not talk to you about their latest holiday? It's what people do. And yet it's uncomfortable.

I live in an area that has been gentrified, the houses are expensive and bought now by very wealthy people. They neighbours are very nice, I honestly like them a lot and we are all very welcoming even when I am sure I earn far far less than they do.

I wouldn’t dream of moving from such a nice place. I just have my own friends, love the neighbours but do not socialise with them. Simple and inexpensive.

Same here! My friends and I have always done a tour when we’ve bought a new house, over a wide range of price points. It isn’t showing off, it’s just interest in the property and where my friends are living. If I had a big flashy house I would want to show my friends it- one of my friends has a huge, beautifully decorated house and I loved seeing it and spending time there, it didn’t make me feel jealous. I was still happy coming home to my own place.

I wouldn’t be stretching myself to keep up with very wealthy friends. And they do sound a little bit smug about their good fortune. But if you enjoy spending time with them, just keep it at a level you’re comfortable with, if they are real friends they’ll adjust their activities to include you.