To be unsure about living in this very affluent area when we are not well off. Feelings .

[Wibblingalittie]

Hi we live in what has become and affluent area. It used to be much more varied. in fact at one point ut was run down .
it is in a beautiful rural place and visitors come who have money to spend . The house prices have risen . Local cafes etc are always full as are the pubs.

We have a moderate income , a 15 year old car . We economise all the time.

There are a lot of rich early retired people our age age here.
When we socialise , because of our income , we have to be careful and we find we have very different lives .

We are quite strong minded people who have worked in public services all our lives so ut is not like we wt ro emulate them .. its more that the gap is becoming increasinglt apparent when we simply go

out for a drink or our daily lives and it is starting to feel like a constant message / prey on out minds . It's like the reverse of cbt .. In that we are constanlky reminded of the difference.

example s in last few weeks include

having to remind people why we cant drink in rounds as cant afford ( an alien concept by look on faces)

being asked why dont i go private for health care

being told about bi monthly holidays/ 90 days abroad .

why we have not fixed a problem on the house
( visible from road)

actually said .. we dont know what to do with all our money.. we don't need this much . Complains re multiple inheritance tax .

at our age we have everything

this sort of thing is said in bewildered tones . It seems innocent not nasty.

also isnt it great to be retired ( age 50) .

it i means we cant do some things as th
e more sensitive or aware don't invite us as they don't want to embarrass.
So dont get invited .
any tips ? Thinking of positive thinking ( v happy live here) .. ignore iit ..
move ?

I haven't been out in a group where buying a round was expected in ages, everyone goes at their own pace, designated drivers etc etc so I don't think that's odd or rude.

I get how you feel op. I grew up in a very mixed area and part of a thriving community, crane drivers rubbed shoulders with bank managers etc and people understood each other more because it was not unusual for friendships to go across social strata. The common ground was values, kids and community. My parents got into dire straits financially after my dad was injured and an acquaintance with useful knowledge was willing to get their hands dirty giving advice to help when it would probably have been more comfortable to look away. In a situation like that people feel valued for their self and not made uncomfortable.
What you're describing is a bubble where people are expecting homogeny and not being thoughtful in accommodating differences, they only want to breathe their rarified air.
I don't blame you for feeling discomfort but there isn't really a solution because the only answer is for you to keep tolerating the rub unless you want to uproot. ☹️

I do get it, it doesn't feel great when you have to keep saying no to expensive social occasions. I think all you can do is try to find other people to spend time with. I wouldn't move if you like the area

Thank you ! So good to be able to talk about it .
Think that we will try to rise above.
if we cant we can move .

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP and I get it must be uncomfortable at times.

To offer my own perspective, I much prefer to have a nicer house in a less affluent area (not 'rough'!) As I find the pretentiousness significantly less and the people more friendly. This is clearly a personal preference but I wouldn't particularly enjoy the types of conversations you find yourself having either.

I would have a look at what your property is now worth; and think about what else you might be able to do with those funds. Is there a place that you would love to live? Is there a part of the country that you fancy retiring to? Could changing to a different property free up cash or reduce your mortgage? Would this give you more options on when to retire? Consider what options would give you the best quality of life

Well they all like you and want to be in your company so that's a good thing

As for the rest well you're going to have to buy a round in and just get water for yourself that round with a lemon if slice in it or something

Sounds like a really fun time though you're having

Have your friends not stayed the same as the area changes?

I agree

Why do you hang out with such people? They all sound so snobbish!

If the area had changed as dramatically as you describe OP I would (at least out of curiosity) get a valuation on your home. The desirability of the area in addition to the general rise against the national average in house prices (prior to the recent small downturn) is likely to have made quite an impact.

The situation sounds isolating and a bit wearing, even if those neighbours are nice people at heart it all sounds quite gauche. Living somewhere you feel you don't fit in will never be particularly enjoyable if you're finding the confrontation of it actively dispiriting or find it inescapable.

Some have left , the others are busy all day at work . The thing is there has been a significant influx of another demographic in terms of lifestyle and income .. in addition .. some locals have moved into inherited houses and their homes go on the market .. sold ..get snapped up by new wealthy as young locals cant buy them . Also ,it is very friendly place and so new neighbours are automatically included or told about things . For example the local games night is now full of the new people who can afford to go out 5 times a week . .. it is dominated by them in terms of numbers etc .

Are you absolutely sure that’s literally what they said?

Sounds like you need to spend more time with your original friends who are still working rather than friends who aren’t working. Is this not a you problem rather than a new people coming in problem?

And also it’s not possible to early retire and take a pension before age 55 Except him very exceptional circumstances and hasn’t been for a number of years

As have said .. there is no where to downsize to in our village .( In price.)

Just don't socialise with them! There's no rule that says you have to be best mates with your neighbours!

Middle parking yes .. I am . it was said to sound expansive and popular or kind .. idea which , but it was said like that for sure . Like see how I share my wealth maybe .

Are you fond of these more affluent people? Do you value them as friends? If so, I’d speak your truth more loudly. Say : I have a lot less money than you. Stop asking me to go to restaurants! Unless you’re offering to pay for me, because I won’t be able to afford it! Etc

if you don’t particularly value them , and think that other local contacts elsewhere would be equally enjoyable , move to a less affluent area, and enjoy some equity freed up by the move!

Hey OP, that is a difficult situation and I hope that you get some new people move in perhaps who could help balance what sounds like an overly wealthy (aka money-is-no-object) type of social neighbourhood. It does sound exhausting, perhaps a bit intimidating too, having to justify yourself and your economic position and I can understand why this would make you feel out of place, especially somewhere you have lived a good amount of time.

I think people can find it hard to see beyond their own life experience and not be considerate to the needs, different perspective and different situations of others. All I can say is just be your authentic self OP, and if you feel judged or someone says a comment that makes you feel uncomfortable say something nice back - kindness can be quite disarming! Being authentic is something I am trying to do more of too this year ie not sweat it if house is messy when friends come over for play dates, not wearing make up or worrying about the deep circles under my eyes etc (have a baby and young DC so look permanently exhausted!). Have just realised how much energy it actually takes trying to live up to everyone’s expectations all the time and life is just too short, you deserve to be happy 🙂 Just make sure your house issue isn’t affecting neighbouring properties though, and if not don’t worry about it and just get round to it when you can afford.

I certainly wouldn’t live in a less affluent area because of it. We used to live in the big house on our development. It was the big cornerstone penthouse type thing. I had four children in private education at the time, and a clapped out Renault Meghan. But all the neighbours thought we were incredibly rich, and one of them offered to do my cleaning for me. I did not correct them.

Buying rounds is awful you end up drinking and spending more than you want.

Most of our friends and family are wealthier than us (though we are very comfortable in national average terms). It can be really hard work and our teenagers always come back faintly jealous when we visit certain family. It can feel like you're living in a different universe when they are rambling on about spaffing their cash on another trip to the Maldives. (We aren't actually jealous of this but they think we are which is even more galling)

There is another factor isn't there - you have more leisure than your old friends so you are noticing that the only people available on your new schedule are people that are well off, your social circle has changed and your time for socialising has increased, it isn't simply due to gentrification. Moving seems a bit extreme when over the next 10 years more of your old circle will scale back surely?

It's the same where I am, endless artisan coffee shops and whimsy shops. But I'm sure there are less well off people where you are, you'd be surprised, you simply don't have the same schedules.

And lots of people can't afford to go out for dinner on a weekly basis. We can't

I'm guessing you're looking at a mortgage free social circle, I expect that many people who've paid their mortgage off, retired early and kids are off hand can afford some meals out.

Will think about all this this . It feels odd to have comments about oh yr so and so needs doing in our small ex social housing house on the edge of the place literally about 6 of us .
When some people have their own planes! Yes that is right ! and simply seem to think we have not noticed we need work doing.. it simply does not cross their mind its not lazy stuff its lack of ready funds .

.. think like the place were Jonny depp lives in the uk . Rich person s playground .