To be unsure about living in this very affluent area when we are not well off. Feelings .

[Wibblingalittie]

Hi we live in what has become and affluent area. It used to be much more varied. in fact at one point ut was run down .
it is in a beautiful rural place and visitors come who have money to spend . The house prices have risen . Local cafes etc are always full as are the pubs.

We have a moderate income , a 15 year old car . We economise all the time.

There are a lot of rich early retired people our age age here.
When we socialise , because of our income , we have to be careful and we find we have very different lives .

We are quite strong minded people who have worked in public services all our lives so ut is not like we wt ro emulate them .. its more that the gap is becoming increasinglt apparent when we simply go

out for a drink or our daily lives and it is starting to feel like a constant message / prey on out minds . It's like the reverse of cbt .. In that we are constanlky reminded of the difference.

example s in last few weeks include

having to remind people why we cant drink in rounds as cant afford ( an alien concept by look on faces)

being asked why dont i go private for health care

being told about bi monthly holidays/ 90 days abroad .

why we have not fixed a problem on the house
( visible from road)

actually said .. we dont know what to do with all our money.. we don't need this much . Complains re multiple inheritance tax .

at our age we have everything

this sort of thing is said in bewildered tones . It seems innocent not nasty.

also isnt it great to be retired ( age 50) .

it i means we cant do some things as th
e more sensitive or aware don't invite us as they don't want to embarrass.
So dont get invited .
any tips ? Thinking of positive thinking ( v happy live here) .. ignore iit ..
move ?

I’m actually so jealous how many people want to socialise with you! I have friends but arranging a date to go for coffee / pub is exhausting and it happens every 3 months or so and mostly geta cancelled at the last minute cos someone is ill.

I think look on bright side, your social life is epic.

‘Bring a bottle’?! Man I last got invited to a party in errrrrr maybe 15 yrs ago?

Its way beyond mortgage free.
one person has 8 cars for eg .

Right !
will count blessings .
try to adapt .
id cant ..move !
ps we do get invited out less as we have to say no a lot .

I live in a village with a wide range of incomes. Some very big houses with swimming pools etc but also a council estate. As it's a village, everyone is part of the same community (primary school, shop, pub, WI, church etc). I find that a lot of socialising is done in groups with similar incomes, but some people are really good at 'bridging the gap' and being friends with people from different backgrounds. They just make it work somehow, I guess by not worrying about it.

Not quite the same as you, as this isn't a new thing, this village has always been like this, but my point is that I think it can be done.

Your problem is not that your social circle are wealthy, it's that they're a bit thick.
I can't imagine anyone with any intelligence, curiosity about the world, or who even watches the news or reads, who would not conceive that people have different income levels, and who would actually express surprise when other people can't afford the things they can.
I know a lot of very wealthy people. I don't know any that think everyone is in the same position.
Are there no other, intelligent people in the village?

That sounds way behind my pet peeves of full overpriced artisan coffee shops and shops selling pointless overpriced nonsense (artisan candles, naff items for the home nobody could ever need etc).

Maybe start making cracks about having budgeted to fix x problem up in the next 5 years? Prices for doing anything to properties have rocketed as house prices are falling - say something like that? Would you feel better if you asserted yourself in the face of silly comments with stock responses? Just like toddler tantrums I'm sure the same triggers and comments come up again and again.

Please don’t move. You’re so very lucky to live in a pleasant place. We live in a council estate where no one cares about taking care of the area and we have to tolerate a lot of anti social behaviour and unsavoury characters . I’d happily swap places with you . I’d be upfront about your situation, bluntly if necessary .

Do you have to socialise that much? Also I can't see how moving the area would help. If you go to a pub in a run down deprived area you would still have to pay for pints which won't be much cheaper. Given the frequency you seem to socialise you will still be out of pocket if you don't develop a rather essential skill on how to say no politely

I agree with a pp who said this seems to be more about who's available during the day rather than outside of work hours. I would keep looking into interest groups (running, knitting, whatever you're interested in) and try to find day time friends that way. Then outside of normal working hours focus on your existing friends with low cost gatherings at your house etc. I don't think I would move unless there was somewhere else I actively wanted to move to, and only if I had friends or family in the new area.

Shrug all of it off and live your life fully.

You are not the sum total of your income. Unfortunately you seem to live among people who are so insecure they need to rely on boasts about money to prop up their confidence.

Focus on what brings you joy.

Laugh at your neighbours a little in private, but try to get to know them as ordinary people, beyond the very fragile exterior.

none of our group of friends ever buy in rounds tbh - and most of us could afford to - it's just that you get trapped in the cycle - pressure to drink at same pace as everyone / have as many drinks as everyone else! we all just stick to buying our own - i wouldn't think that's unusual these days tbh

Oh ive just realised that on reflection we do get invited out , but irrespective of our funds .. so that is actually good . Thanks for helping.

If there really isn't any prospect of finding a different social group then I probably would move. I have some very dear friends who are in a different stratosphere financially. We can afford to go out with them a couple of times a year, but it's always mind bogglingly expensive and it's hard to keep jealously and/or a sense of depression at bay. We are by no means badly off, but we have to be careful and make choices that they and their friends we meet just don't.

I couldn't love like that day in day out.

*LIVE like that, FFS

Ha- my first thought was you are in somewhere like Frome or Bruton!!

Grow a thick skin OP- go to things you know you can afford- !! Anywhere that's 'nice' has an element of this. We live in Bath but my friends here aren't rich and are down to earth. Join something or set up something even that isn't dominated by spending vast amounts of cash .

I’m surprised by this, Johnny depp owns a house in Kingston st Mary in Somerset. It is certainly not a millionaires playground, although I imagine it’s got an older demographic.

Bruton has gone mad. I live nearby amd it's quite nice having somewhere a bit swanky ti visit. Frome is still reassuringly agricultural though.

That sounds hard, OP. Not exactly the same situation, but we do have close family who have more than we do, and it is always a bit of a struggle seeing them. We are actually fairly well off, but they are on another level and have been for decades. For example, they want to eat out at expensive restaurants when we (or they) visit. The reality is that we can’t afford to drop hundreds on food for our family of 5 at restaurants each time we go out, which they want to do several times per week.

I think some people who are used to having a lot of money genuinely don’t remember or realise how far from the norm their idea of normal is. The worst is when they act like affordability-related amenities are not a thing and that people who go for cheaper options are either stupid or tight:

“Why didn’t you just take a taxi to and from the restaurant? That way you can drink as much as you want without having to think about the drive home.”

”Why are you staying at the <insert name of mid range hotel> instead of the <insert name of expensive 5* hotel> which is better located and has a nice brasserie? You’d have a nicer time!”

“Why do people buy <insert car brand you own because that’s what you could afford>?” We always buy <insert expensive luxury car brand> because they actually look good and are fun to drive.”

”I’ll never understand why people book the economy non-refundable plane tickets. Plans can change!”

Sigh.

Johnny Depp lives between Taunton and Bridgwater - that shouldn't worry the OP as both towns are dumps 😂

This. Anyone with a modicum of self awareness would behave differently. They sound like shallow, boring people to be around.
We're in a bit of a similar situation with lifelong friends who've inherited loads and I'm getting sick of seeing their smug photos on our 2-couples WhatsApp group from their second home in the sun.
They drink too much too .
We've gradually started distancing ourselves and socialising with people whose values are closer to our own.
I realise that's not easy if you live in somewhere not so well-populated.

Izipizi
yes !! that is exactly it! They say to us why don’t you do / just do it / you must have the things you like.. so and so .. er because it would take me two years to save for it , I actually cant ! Then they look bemused as if it not a thing .
As for stupidity, its in part that they have forgotten normal life and how it may look to others, plus they seem to also love showing off their house for example.. when new people come , when I have been there , they do a house tour.

Also, decide what they bring to your life. Our emotionally unintelligentand wealthy friends are actually great fun. So we won't ditch them entirely, but fit in things that work with our budget. Eg brunch rather than dinner, where there's no alcohol involved.
But we're concentrating on other friendships more, much less effort.

They haven't forgotten normal life at all. If they had they'd not be showing off about their current one. People who take their wealth and privilege as the norm don't feel the need to give house tours to show it off. It's just their house.
Your friends are very proud indeed that they are now wealthy and very much want you to be aware of it.
All the faux innocence about 'why don't you just...' is designed to get you to say you can't afford it, thus emphasing that they are 'considerably richer than yow'.

@Wibblingalittie
I think it works both ways. I'm not sure the other residents will ever be able to win your friendship. You say
/// I don't think they mean to be tactless. For eg they try to appear generous. Eg one has a house with great views . We all sit in the garden . ‘ oh i am so pleased to be able to share my space 1 million soace with loveky people’ ..big smiles .
///

But surely they are being generous in extending an invitation to you? Which you are rather sniffily turning your nose up at?

I am all for common decency, basic manners on both sides of the financial divide, but reverse snobbery is just as unpleasant.
I don't think I would want to be friends with someone with this attitude.

I've never understood why you'd be interested in anyone else's house unless you are looking to buy, or do a room up in a similar style, or you have a friend that lives somewhere of historical interest. Bizarre!