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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to leave DS in bed until midday?

102 replies

BedfordBloo · 04/01/2023 12:39

DS is 3yo and DD is 5mo and they both have chickenpox. They’re miserable, obviously. DH and I both work full-time but DH isn’t able to take time off for childcare or he would - difficult industry/employer. I’m supposed to have started a new job yesterday but, due to the pox, have delayed to start next week (employer is very understanding and, due to the nature of the industry, I’ve worked with them for the last three years so they know me well). The role is very intense anyway and I do feel very much out of my depth so I’ve been doing a lot of prep before starting so I don’t screw it all up.

Anyway, so I’m at home with the DC’s when I should be at work because they’re ill. DD has been awake and mostly screaming, I’ve been feeding her and bouncing her, giving calpol and doing creams etc. DS has been in his bed watching Numberblocks and Alphablocks on a laptop. I’ve offered him food but he’s barely eaten anything, I’ve put creams on him, given calpol and made sure he has his water bottle and is drinking etc. I’m trying to keep the two DCs apart because DD crying isn’t pleasant for DS and trying to get DD to sleep with the TV on is harder. So, DS is largely left to himself except for when I check on him, give him calpol, do creams, taking him to the bathroom etc - but he wouldn’t be happier if I were there. I went to cuddle him when DD fell asleep but he didn’t want to because it was hotter and itchier.

DH just phoned and is annoyed that DS is still in bed and that I haven’t got him up and dressed yet. My plan was for him to just stay in his pjs all day tbh. DH is saying that if I don’t get DS up and tire him out then he won’t sleep tonight and that he’ll be bored and miserable if he’s just watching TV. Like any DC, DS gets ill a lot but this is the first time he’s properly unwell (if that makes sense) - he usually has a runny nose/cough/whatever but carries on happy as anything so I’m not so sure what normally for an ill child.

Is DH right? Should I get him up and do activities with him or just leave him be?

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/01/2023 12:41

Tell him to Fuck off unless he’d like to take time off from HIs Very Important Job.

whitebreadjamsandwich · 04/01/2023 12:42

He is sick! What activities exactly does your DH think a sick child should be doing? Is he running around 'tiring himself out' when he's sick? Is he fuck. Get your wee ds up for a bath and change in to fresh jammies, but otherwise, let him rest!

LeopardPrintHo · 04/01/2023 12:42

Leave him be and tell your H if he's that bothered then to get his arse home and help you out.

vodkaredbullgirl · 04/01/2023 12:45

Poor child is not well, he is happy where he is, you oh is being a twat.

FrenchBoule · 04/01/2023 12:45

Leave him where he is. He’ll soon eat something when he’s feeling better.
As for your DH- would he get up while being ill and do “activities”?

Original poster
BedfordBloo · 04/01/2023 12:46

whitebreadjamsandwich · 04/01/2023 12:42

He is sick! What activities exactly does your DH think a sick child should be doing? Is he running around 'tiring himself out' when he's sick? Is he fuck. Get your wee ds up for a bath and change in to fresh jammies, but otherwise, let him rest!

I also wondered this because we tend to go out and do outdoorsy activities but obviously can’t do that with him today.

The poor thing has a calamine bath last night and then again this morning at 4am because he was sick all over himself.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 04/01/2023 12:48

I'm afraid op, the fact that you've even asked this is very very worrying.

BooCrew · 04/01/2023 12:48

He'll sleep fine, he's ill. Mine is impossible to get to sleep if he hasn't had a good run around during the day, but when he's ill he can sometimes sleep all morning and still go to bed at the usual time. He needs to rest.

Who is going to look after them next week if the spots haven't dried up?

Goodgrief82 · 04/01/2023 12:48

Are you trying to work at the same time?

Original poster
BedfordBloo · 04/01/2023 12:50

Honestly, DH absolutely would be up and about when he’s ill and it causes him horrendous burn out. He was really unwell with covid but he practically renovated our entire house in two weeks so he might be a muppet (definitely is) but he’s not being a hypocrite. He also really would cover the childcare if he could but he’s on a FTC (standard in his role) and they’ve already said that it won’t be renewed if he takes a day off for childcare after he took one back in November. We both agree that his employer is being a dick on this but he doesn’t work with the decision maker on a day-to-day basis and this job is the first time he’s actually enjoyed him workplace and colleagues in the whole time I’ve known him. So that just sucks.

OP posts:
Goodgrief82 · 04/01/2023 12:50

You’re not meant to go out with CP!!

WimpoleHat · 04/01/2023 12:51

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/01/2023 12:41

Tell him to Fuck off unless he’d like to take time off from HIs Very Important Job.

This made me laugh - but it really is the nub of it! The person at the coal face with the sick child calls the shots. End of. If your DS is happy, a duvet day will do him no harm (and is probably the best thing for him in the circumstances).

MaverickGooseGoose · 04/01/2023 12:51

What does he expect him to be doing? He's a sick child, not a teenager bunking off school for no reason. His attitude would make me mad.

lovelilies · 04/01/2023 12:51

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/01/2023 12:41

Tell him to Fuck off unless he’d like to take time off from HIs Very Important Job.

Couldn't put it better myself. Arsehole

Remaker · 04/01/2023 12:51

Your DH wants you to ‘tire out’ a sick child? Let me guess, because his main concern is your DS might disturb his (DH’s) precious rest tonight? What a selfish arse wanting a sick child to run around for his convenience. He clearly has no idea.

Original poster
BedfordBloo · 04/01/2023 12:51

Goodgrief82 · 04/01/2023 12:48

Are you trying to work at the same time?

No, I’m not working, but I’m trying to sneak in bits of prep given that I’ve had an extra week to learn more (and an extra week to forget everything I know). Although, technically, I’m just mumsnetting whilst DD is finally asleep

OP posts:
RumItOver · 04/01/2023 12:54

I think if your H gets up and gets on with jobs when ill that it is more understandable where he is coming from. Just let him know DS is not well enough to get up. I would do a lovely bath with music and some toys (plastic cups for pouring, sieve etc). Fresh jammies and reading after if he is up to it. Yup sleep may be sporadic for a few days. Hope everyone feels better soon

Goodgrief82 · 04/01/2023 12:56

Is DH right? Should I get him up and do activities with him or just leave him be?

out of interest

mIf the consensus has been yes, would you actually have got your sick toddler out of bed because mumsnet posters, who hasn’t even seen him, said you were being unreasonable?

Lkydfju · 04/01/2023 12:59

He’s ill and he needs to rest; it’s simple. I’m sure if he wanted to play then he’d be up and actually playing

TokyoSushi · 04/01/2023 13:00

Sounds like you're doing a great job OP!

Original poster
BedfordBloo · 04/01/2023 13:00

Goodgrief82 · 04/01/2023 12:56

Is DH right? Should I get him up and do activities with him or just leave him be?

out of interest

mIf the consensus has been yes, would you actually have got your sick toddler out of bed because mumsnet posters, who hasn’t even seen him, said you were being unreasonable?

Probably, yes. I haven’t had a child who’s actually unwell before. If the consensus of people who have is that it’s in their best interests to get up and about then I’d believe them. In general, if other people have experienced something that I haven’t and they (in consensus) give advice on that thing, I trust their advice. I obviously wouldn’t have him running marathons or out at Tesco licking food produce but I’d have got him out of bed and dressed.

OP posts:
whoruntheworldgirls · 04/01/2023 13:01

I wouldn't get him up, my 6yr old came home with bad tummy ache just before Christmas and spent all afternoon in bed watching her kindle, barely ate, she slept fine that night and was much better the next day, sometimes they need to be left to rest completely and you son is sicker than my daughter was so even more need to rest and get better.

Neighneigh · 04/01/2023 13:05

If that was my DH I think I'd reply and say. "sorry I can't be there to help you out, hope you're all doing ok" THERE FIXED IT FOR YOU and ignore him the rest of the day. Chicken pox can be really really bad. If a toddler is sitting down all day it means they need to. I would leave your eldest where he is and keep bobbing in /reading to him/ whatever he likes. Hope they both feel better soon. Watch out for any spots getting red and looking angry, mine had quite a nasty infection from two of his and needed antibiotics

Sep200024 · 04/01/2023 13:05

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 04/01/2023 12:41

Tell him to Fuck off unless he’d like to take time off from HIs Very Important Job.

Correct answer given in the first post.

Excellent service all round!!

StarsSand · 04/01/2023 13:05

DH should fuck off, frankly