AIBU to leave DS in bed until midday?

[BedfordBloo]

DS is 3yo and DD is 5mo and they both have chickenpox. They’re miserable, obviously. DH and I both work full-time but DH isn’t able to take time off for childcare or he would - difficult industry/employer. I’m supposed to have started a new job yesterday but, due to the pox, have delayed to start next week (employer is very understanding and, due to the nature of the industry, I’ve worked with them for the last three years so they know me well). The role is very intense anyway and I do feel very much out of my depth so I’ve been doing a lot of prep before starting so I don’t screw it all up.

Anyway, so I’m at home with the DC’s when I should be at work because they’re ill. DD has been awake and mostly screaming, I’ve been feeding her and bouncing her, giving calpol and doing creams etc. DS has been in his bed watching Numberblocks and Alphablocks on a laptop. I’ve offered him food but he’s barely eaten anything, I’ve put creams on him, given calpol and made sure he has his water bottle and is drinking etc. I’m trying to keep the two DCs apart because DD crying isn’t pleasant for DS and trying to get DD to sleep with the TV on is harder. So, DS is largely left to himself except for when I check on him, give him calpol, do creams, taking him to the bathroom etc - but he wouldn’t be happier if I were there. I went to cuddle him when DD fell asleep but he didn’t want to because it was hotter and itchier.

DH just phoned and is annoyed that DS is still in bed and that I haven’t got him up and dressed yet. My plan was for him to just stay in his pjs all day tbh. DH is saying that if I don’t get DS up and tire him out then he won’t sleep tonight and that he’ll be bored and miserable if he’s just watching TV. Like any DC, DS gets ill a lot but this is the first time he’s properly unwell (if that makes sense) - he usually has a runny nose/cough/whatever but carries on happy as anything so I’m not so sure what normally for an ill child.

Is DH right? Should I get him up and do activities with him or just leave him be?

This was my EXACT first thought too.
Hope they improve quickly OP.

When a child is ill you go with the flow and do whatever keeps them content.

When I was young people would have been shocked if a sick child was out of bed!

Your "D"H needs to take a running jump.

Yeah he is being a dick, kids don't just lay around at the age of 3 unless they feel awful, just leave him be let him rest and recover!

'It’s really taken me by surprise how unwell DS is with it. He’s normally so well.'

Ring 111 for advice. 3 yr olds don't tend to be that lethargic to lie in bed even when ill. Is he drinking and wee'ing OK?

@Janiie why would she need to ring 111 at this time of day? She's already had medical advice from chemist. And if anything gets worse next step would be GP not 111.

Your child is sick, he needs to rest. End of discussion really.

On an aside, oat baths are fantastic for chicken pox! I hope your children recover quickly!

Love it how DH can’t take time off work for ill kids but is going to tell you how to care for them. So he hasn’t actually looked after an I’ll kid ever presumably but is now the expert

What @Remaker said

Bloody men

Good lord, leave the child in bed! He has chicken pox, not a runny nose. The illness itself will tire him out plenty. Your DH sounds a bit clueless tbh.

If my DH called from work and questioned my judgement on caring for a sick child he would be regretting it greatly.

Youve made the right call, OP. If DS feels a bit better later on, he could come to the living room for a change of scene, and lie on the sofa and watch a film. That’s all mine did when they were ill. They weren’t playing in the garden. I thought my eldest was malingering when he seemed to be ok when he was 12 after almost a week off school. GP told me off and said he should be home in bed as he was recovering from viral flu. That taught me a lesson. Better to be safe than sorry - keep him inside and resting .

If he's happy then why would you meddle with it?! DD2 had CP recently at 6mo (DD1 was vaccinated so didn't catch it) and wasn't bothered by it, but if she had been then DD1 absolutely would have been left to her own devices if she was happy doing so. Tbh I haven't seen her much this afternoon anyway as she's been setting up a gigantic dinosaur battle in the playroom that doesnt involve me or DD2! Oh and she's still wearing her pyjama top but says she doesn't want to change and we aren't going out today so who cares?

I hope they both get better soon OP there is absolutely nothing worse than very unwell small children. Your husband is being an absolute idiot . You poor little boy needs lots of rest and tlc. And I hope your husband at least asked how YOU were? It's exhausting minding sick children.

Poxclin is good. DD2 only had a mild case, presumably as she was still so young and I am breastfeeding, but it seem to soothe the angriest of the spots that were on her chest and round her nappy area.

Of course your ds should be in bed resting. You could give him a change of scene on the settee with the tv/ipad to air the bed but only if he wants to get up. It will be difficult at night with the chicken pox in any case.

Chickenpox is horrible. And I still remember as a child having chickenpox and not wanting anyone to touch me. Just let him sleep.

Your DH is a prat. I would've hung up on him. Your child is sick. Of course he stays in bed with jammies on watching laptop / telly.

Let the child rest.

If you have any more children, for goodness’ sake get the vaccine for them. It is not expensive and almost certainly works out cheaper than two working adults having their schedules turned upside down.

Watch out for whichever child of yours was the second to come down with it. The usual pattern is that CP gets more severe for the second infectee, because whereas the first child probably breathed in a stray wisp of virus at a playground or whatever, the second child will have been breathing in a heavy fog of virus for days because of the first child breathing it out all day; as a result, the immune system does not have time to rally before it is overwhelmed.

Where does your DH think you're going to tire out the two unwell children with a contagious illness? Leave him in his PJs and stop doubting yourself! You are looking after them, you make the decisions!

Resting in bed is normal when ill.

Does your H understand that people are different, and it's not "wrong" for someone else to handle illness in a different way from his "That which does not kill me, makes me stronger" approach?

That's the key here.

Thank you but we won’t be vaccinating against chicken pox. There’s a reason we don’t have it offered on the NHS and it’s because it’s actually contraindicated for most people. The vaccination doesn’t offer lifelong immunity in many recipients and so results in more people getting chickenpox in adulthood (having been immune in childhood) when it’s more dangerous and becoming far more ill. Each to their own and I appreciate that many people will choose to vaccinate for a variety of reasons but I don’t appreciate the judgemental comment on my (informed) parenting decisions.

Chicken pox is awful and completely wipes kids out. Let him rest and watch telly.

Tell your husband to butt out as you’re at home dealing with it all.

My husband thought it was overkill getting our kids jabbed for pox. I’m now thoroughly relieved we did

No point vaccinating against CP now.

It’s already in the house. It’s very rare for someone to catch it twice. Once you’ve had it, you’re pretty much immune

Omg I was not prepared for the tongue pox photo, poor kid!
People are very quick to jump on the H here, if their kids have never been properly ill before, he's probably imagining a toddler with a bit of a cold who would be a nightmare after a day with the electronic babysitter. Mine would have with a minor illness, anyway, but even when your kid isn't that ill, sometimes needs must, esp if the other kid is sick.
You'll find in a day or two, he likely will need activities of some kind. But hopefully DD will also be over the worst by then. If he was up at 4 vomiting, and still seems a bit pathetic then bed is the best place for him for now. Toddlers basically know what they need, by and large . Do encourage him to drink, though.
I'm trying to remember what I did with my two when they had the pox. Lego, making cardboard boxes into planes, oatmeal baths with those bath crayons and tea sets to keep them entertained. And get out for a walk or something on your own in the evening, you'll be stir crazy in a day or two!

At 3 year old if DS wasn't that ill he would be out of bed himself.If he is happy to lie and rest let him so his body recuperates, he will be up and about in a day or two. It affects children in different ways some are ill some bounce about with spots. Read him a couple of stories when you get the chance so he has a bit of 1:1 time.
Second oat baths, if you can. Don't let him get too warm as it makes the itching worse re bed clothing. Change PJ's frequently. Next time don't give DH as much info! Easy to be an expert from the distance of work!

Follow your child's lead. If he wants to be up and about, support him to do that but only if that works for DD too and avoid interaction with others.

DS1 was miserable with CP, dozed during the day and was awake and uncomfortable at night but I didn't keep him up during the day.. because he was ill. DS2 on the other hand was completely fine, we painted his bedroom together and he learned how to ride a bike. He was fine the entire time.