Starting not to like my son

[feelingoff]

I feel horrible writing this but I split with ds dad when he was a baby and he saw his dad weekends growing up, he's now in his 20s

He has spent a lot of time with his dad recently who has very misogynistic views and ds now seems to share these views and opinions such as Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson, he sees woman as second class, he hates feminists like his dad does and has no respect towards me or any other women and watches a lot of misogynistic material along with his dad.

Due to financial reasons he recently moved back home to try and get some savings behind him but I feel like I hardly recognise him.
The influence his dad has is so strong I can't change how he thinks as much as I try.

His dad has always belittled me to him and he's grown up listening to his dad mock and ridicule his mum so now he does it.

Not to excuse "bashing" of any person on the grounds of gender etc., but the likes of Andrew Tate et al are hardly comparable to women on an online forum going "bloody lazy husbands". It's extreme hatred of the female gender (and of LGBT+; anyone who isn't a straight male). I don't think we need to derail this thread onto the issue of misandry because the implications are just not comparable.

Utterly unhelpful to the OP.

He's not reading jordon peterson correctly if he is behaving like this. Maybe get him his actual book to read. It talks about taking personal responsibility.

This.

I dunno. Peterson's earlier stuff was OK. Although not for me it had something to say and wasn't terrible. However in the last two years or so he has gone down a massive conspiracy theory hole and gone a little nuts. Think he also had to be sent to rehab for various addictions.

So he looks down on women including his mother and belittles her yet has had to move back home as he can't manage financially without a woman.

Oh the irony!

Why can't he live with his father? I would get rid tbh

It might be worth debating it with him.

Why did you agree to him moving in? Please don't tell me you're cooking and washing for him and that he's doing his share of chores?

Funny how every other thread and newspaper article is about this Andrew Tate character all of a sudden.

Nothing, nothing, nothing......BAM......He's everywhere.

Ironically, all the threads and articles going on about him are telling us to ignore what he says (I had been without even trying!) - while telling us about him and what he says.

Tell him to move out. He wants to play the big man then he can support himself and stand on his own two feet like a real man would.

Also you might want to tell him this as he leaves (not my words, and I’m paraphrasing a wee bit, but the words of someone on YouTube who was talking about the Andrew Tate situation):

“Andrew Tate sells money lust and power but that's just surface level bullshit. Real men go after success, love and responsibility. The difference may be subtle but it's important. Work hard, learn to take responsibility for your actions, be kind and make sure the people around you know how you feel about them. That is what being a man is.”

You son might want to take heed of that otherwise he’s going to end up bitter and lonely.

Pop him out the front door with his stuff and a suicide helpline number he'll be needing within a few years. Men like this are all the same predictable sad jokes

He’s the “better sex” is he? So why, exactly, is he, in his 20s, at home and sponging off his mother? What about that makes him so superior? He was born with a penis. Big whoop. He is heading for a lifetime of misery with this attitude, but he’s an adult and you can’t stop him. He’s a big boy now and his actions and words have consequences. Namely, that you do not want to support someone with such abhorrent views. Tell him not to let the door smack his misogynist arse on his way out.

OP, can you encourage him to see you as a whole person rather than "mum"?

If I were you, I'd be trying my best to get him out of this mind loop any way I could.

-Watch films together (feminist, progressive ones.. John Waters is pretty good for this, and young people generally find his stuff entertaining)

-Eat food together, do experimental cooking as a team

-Listen to music together, maybe go see some live shows, with women who are powerful?

-Take him to meet your friends, socialise

-Embark on other projects together, perhaps something that helps him with his career development? E.g. does he want to get into any kind of trade, perhaps become a driving force to make it happen?

-Travel together somewhere, even if it's local. Let him see the world from a different perspective, even if it's only a couple of miles from home.

He's at a really influential age where you can shape him. He doesn't have to fall into this negative trap. Good luck.