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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or him: Car broke down

112 replies

Snorkers · 03/01/2023 18:46

Husband hit a pot hole near his work about 45 mine away from home and burst a tyre. No harm beyond that and he pulled into a large, safe stopping place to ait for recovery. e doesn't have a spare - been meaning to get one but never got around to it.
The breakdown peopel are really busy and 1hr15mins later still haven't got someone out.
He wants me to go and pick him up so he doesn't have to wait and let the recovery peoek bring the car bac when they have time, but that will mean a 2 x 50 min trip for me to get him, I have made arrangements to be somewhere soon and I have also already done a full day at work plus 2 hours of house chores and pet care for us.
AIBU to tell him to just hang on and wait rather than us both have to spend hours dealing with this?

OP posts:
ChigedyJigHeeHawHeeHawItsDominicTheDonkey · 03/01/2023 20:00

SharksInTheTea · 03/01/2023 18:53

It's not the effort of going to get him that would bother me - I'd do that in a heartbeat. It's that the recovery people will not handle an abandoned car within the owner present, I don't think.

When I accidentally locked my keys inside the boot of my car and had to get the AA out to get into my car. I left my car in the carpark where it was and went for a wonder around. I already knew there would be a good 2 hour wait. AA guy rang me to say he was nearly there. Told him I was on my way back and I would meet him back at the car. When I got there he was already making a start on trying to open the lock back up. In the end though we had to wait for another AA guy to come with a drill to drill the lock out. I was massively grateful to the travel lodge that who let me use their toilet and gave me a free coffee to get warmed up again.

ChigedyJigHeeHawHeeHawItsDominicTheDonkey · 03/01/2023 20:03

Brefugee · 03/01/2023 18:50

I wouldn't fetch him either. And now he has learned why you should carry a spare ready to put on when you need it.

Not all cars have a spare tire! My Mazda didn't it just had a can of foam that pretty much rendered any tire useless that it was sprayed into.

HikingforScenery · 03/01/2023 20:09

Astralitzia · 03/01/2023 18:51

I can't imagine leaving my partner stranded for an unknown period of time (which could be hours and hours based on my most recent experience of a breakdown) on a dark rainy evening when I could bring him home, nor could I imagine my partner leaving me stranded! Surely this is the sort of thing you do for each other in a caring relationship?

I cannot imagine thinking twice about this request tbh. I’d suggest picking him up
in the first place.

OnlyFannys · 03/01/2023 20:11

I'd be worried about the insurance being invalidated as well, I would want to call my insurance first and check rather than rely on a random call centre workers advice. Can he not head to a local fast food place or something or get public transport if he is desperate to go home

LostInSpaceRaiders · 03/01/2023 20:14

I would go and collect my husband, and then let him have the use of my car while I went out if I was desperate to continue with my plans, or stay home with him if I thought that I would need to drop him back at the car and then bring mine home.

At best they’ll be able to put a space saver on his car so it can go back to a garage for repair, but most likely they’ll just put it onto a flat loader to their garage for new tyre fitment in the morning and he’ll probably be left without a means of getting home at that point anyway. As an able bodied male he’ll be so far down the priority list it could be tomorrow before they get to him.

I certainly wouldn’t leave him in his car in the pissing rain and the freezing cold so I could go out to fulfil my plans, nor have I done that in the past when he’s needed me to collect him for similar reasons. But, then my husband has and would do the same for me without question. Likewise my closest friends.

rwalker · 03/01/2023 20:18

As a male in a safe place he’ll be the lowest of the low priority
I was 5.5 hours the other months cancelled technician on way twice to send to higher priority
they outsourced it in the end

Lockheart · 03/01/2023 20:21

Most cars are no longer sold / made with spares, and this has been going on for almost a decade, so it's probably more common to not have one than to have one nowadays. I wouldn't say someone is an idiot for not having one.

Lockheart · 03/01/2023 20:22

rwalker · 03/01/2023 20:18

As a male in a safe place he’ll be the lowest of the low priority
I was 5.5 hours the other months cancelled technician on way twice to send to higher priority
they outsourced it in the end

Last summer some visiting family members were stuck at my parents house for over 24 hours!

pocketvenuss · 03/01/2023 20:22

I wonder if everyone saying to leave him would say the same if the roles were reversed.

I'd hate to be waiting what could be many many hours in the dark in the side of the road. I'm sure he is hating it too.

Dibbydoos · 03/01/2023 20:32

And if the boot was on the other foot, what would you expect?!

laurenlodge · 03/01/2023 20:39

He's likely to be waiting hours - what a miserable evening/night. I'm pretty hard-hearted generally but I would go and get my partner in this situation or at least take him some things to be more comfy. Couldn't enjoy my evening knowing he was just stuck waiting endlessly.

Original poster
Snorkers · 03/01/2023 20:40

He gave up waiting and found a mobile tyre place willing to come out for a few hundred quid. All sorted on on his way home.

We have recovery to home so not a problem bringing the car home but I think it would hae been a risk leaving the key. What if someone nicked it, or the company that got allocated the job decided not to take the car without him too?

But let's get one thing straight though! He was NOT in danger. He was NOT a damsel in distress in the fucking pissing rain - he ONLY HAD A FLAT TYRE. He sat there parked up in a layby bored on his iphone in the warm dry car with the engine on, nice and dry and SAFE.

No - I would not give up my evening to go and sit there so we both waste a night - today I have already cleaned our clothes, hung them up, dried them, taken our dogs out, cleaned the kitchen, put the washing up away, done a 9 hour work day, taken the dogs out again.

All the man has to do it sit there for a few hours, why should I jack my evening plans in so we both waste hours.? What if I got there and they'd just arrived? I would not have left him there all night, of course not - but waiting litle over an hour before asking your wife gives up her evening to alleviate your boredom? No thank you.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 03/01/2023 20:40

They always tell you to wait with your vehicle so he can't leave unfortunately.

SerenaTee · 03/01/2023 20:41

I’d go and collect him, who wants to be stuck waiting for recovery on a dark January night when there’s an alternative?! I’d be pretty unimpressed if my partner left me like that.

bellac11 · 03/01/2023 20:42

pocketvenuss · 03/01/2023 20:22

I wonder if everyone saying to leave him would say the same if the roles were reversed.

I'd hate to be waiting what could be many many hours in the dark in the side of the road. I'm sure he is hating it too.

No they would not. I made this exact point.

And can you imagine the woman starting a thread from her car, in the dark and cold saying she asked her partner if he would come and get her but he said 'well that'll teach you to go out without a spare and Ive got plans'

He would be called every name under the sun, abusive, doesnt care about you or the relationship, I would be 'rethinking my relationship' (thats a classic line), you cant rely on him, he doesnt care about your safety blah blah blah

SerenaTee · 03/01/2023 20:42

Just seen your update, you seem pretty confident you’re not being unreasonable so no idea why you bothered posting 😂

Original poster
Snorkers · 03/01/2023 20:42

I would wait! No way I would ask him or anyone else to come and get me if I was on no danger at all, I wouldn't want to elave my car either - silly thing to do. I am perfectly capable of sitting bored for a few hours witout having to be rescued. Shit happens.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snorkers · 03/01/2023 20:43

I intially thought I may BU but having thought about it and received your pearls of widowm, positive and negative, I decided that no - i was not. :-)

OP posts:
QuestionableMouse · 03/01/2023 20:44

Brefugee · 03/01/2023 18:50

I wouldn't fetch him either. And now he has learned why you should carry a spare ready to put on when you need it.

Some cars don't have space for a spare wheel - I have seats where mine would go!

Original poster
Snorkers · 03/01/2023 20:45

It's a car with a puncture repair kit but no wheel - you can buy one and keep it in the boot but it doesn't come with one so not his fault really - repair kits are no good for a slashed tyre.

OP posts:
laurenlodge · 03/01/2023 20:46

Snorkers · 03/01/2023 20:40

He gave up waiting and found a mobile tyre place willing to come out for a few hundred quid. All sorted on on his way home.

We have recovery to home so not a problem bringing the car home but I think it would hae been a risk leaving the key. What if someone nicked it, or the company that got allocated the job decided not to take the car without him too?

But let's get one thing straight though! He was NOT in danger. He was NOT a damsel in distress in the fucking pissing rain - he ONLY HAD A FLAT TYRE. He sat there parked up in a layby bored on his iphone in the warm dry car with the engine on, nice and dry and SAFE.

No - I would not give up my evening to go and sit there so we both waste a night - today I have already cleaned our clothes, hung them up, dried them, taken our dogs out, cleaned the kitchen, put the washing up away, done a 9 hour work day, taken the dogs out again.

All the man has to do it sit there for a few hours, why should I jack my evening plans in so we both waste hours.? What if I got there and they'd just arrived? I would not have left him there all night, of course not - but waiting litle over an hour before asking your wife gives up her evening to alleviate your boredom? No thank you.

What was the point of the thread if you think you're 100pc right and always were?!

bellac11 · 03/01/2023 20:46

How was he warm in the car. You only stay warm if you keep the engine idling and the heating on. But eventually the car will run out of petrol

Original poster
Snorkers · 03/01/2023 20:48

laurenlodge · 03/01/2023 20:46

What was the point of the thread if you think you're 100pc right and always were?!

Show quote history

I wasn't sur eif I was BU but as I already explained - this thread has helped me decide. So THANK YOU!

OP posts:
Confusion101 · 03/01/2023 20:49

Don't understand this "it was only a flat tyre" chat.... He had no spare, he couldn't go anywhere, the severity of the breakdown doesn't really make much difference unless the car was on fire or something. I think it was unreasonable to not go to him, if a thread had been reversed and the hubby was choosing to go out instead of going to the wife everyone would be saying LTB. But you don't think you are unreasonable, he got sorted, so that's that!

Original poster
Snorkers · 03/01/2023 20:49

bellac11 · 03/01/2023 20:46

How was he warm in the car. You only stay warm if you keep the engine idling and the heating on. But eventually the car will run out of petrol

😂he was there for an hour and a half with a full tank, Give over. The tyre peope got there before I could have anyway,

OP posts:
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