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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or him: Car broke down

112 replies

Snorkers · 03/01/2023 18:46

Husband hit a pot hole near his work about 45 mine away from home and burst a tyre. No harm beyond that and he pulled into a large, safe stopping place to ait for recovery. e doesn't have a spare - been meaning to get one but never got around to it.
The breakdown peopel are really busy and 1hr15mins later still haven't got someone out.
He wants me to go and pick him up so he doesn't have to wait and let the recovery peoek bring the car bac when they have time, but that will mean a 2 x 50 min trip for me to get him, I have made arrangements to be somewhere soon and I have also already done a full day at work plus 2 hours of house chores and pet care for us.
AIBU to tell him to just hang on and wait rather than us both have to spend hours dealing with this?

OP posts:
Blossomandbee · 03/01/2023 18:58

Sorry cross post. I don't think I would be happy hiding the key, that's very risky. Could leave everyone open to loss or damage claims.

Jellybean23 · 03/01/2023 19:01

Have the repair people given him an estimated time when a technician will be with him? That's unusual.

Jellybean23 · 03/01/2023 19:02

That should have been 'Haven't the repair people ... '

EddietheEagle · 03/01/2023 19:03

Surely someone needs to stay with the car?

LumpyandBumps · 03/01/2023 19:13

If the breakdown service is expecting to deal with a tyre which needs replacing they are unlikely to arrive prepared to tow his vehicle home.
They work on the vehicle at the roadside, or if it cannot be fixed tow it home or to a local garage. I have never known them offer a delivery service for fixable problems just because the car driver doesn’t want to wait.

Butchyrestingface · 03/01/2023 19:15

I'd go for a kip in the back seat. Grin

Doesn't he have a kindle or iPad?

WineAndDontDine · 03/01/2023 19:18

My partner is my teammate and I would want to make his life as easy as possible. I have had boyfriends in the past whom I wouldn't have wanted to pick up immediately but that's because I didn't care enough. I expect my husband would do the same for me because he adores me and wants to help when I need it.......

Ariela · 03/01/2023 19:21

Why can't he change the wheel himself? It's what I'd do - or is it one of those no spare wheel cars?

ExtraOnions · 03/01/2023 19:21

I would drive over with a blanket, a flask, and the iPad (plus chargers is needed). Must be horrible to be stuck in a cold rainy night.

My DH would drive over if it were the other way round, and probably swap and do the wait …

Ariela · 03/01/2023 19:21

oops sorry read he has no spare wheel.

Thatboymum · 03/01/2023 19:22

I wouldn’t expect my partner if I had one to come and get me until say the 3 hour mark but I also wouldn’t be comfortable to leave my car parked in a random place with a hidden key so I’d likely be more keen to wait it out

Kinneddar · 03/01/2023 19:22

There's no way the recovery company will fix the tyre & deliver the car home for him or if they do they'll probably charge a fortune.

Its unfortunate but he's going to have to just sit it out

RewildingAmbridge · 03/01/2023 19:25

Surely abandoning it roadside with the key would invalidate the insurance if it's stolen?

Lindy2 · 03/01/2023 19:26

I agree with other posters, he can't just leave the vehicle. I'd not expect a recovery driver to do any work on a vehicle with no driver there.

He needs to wait or find a garage that can help him sooner.

When DH was in a similar situation, I did drive out to him with a bag of snacks and a hot water bottle. He was only about 20 minutes away though and he didn't expect me to wait with him. I just made his wait a bit more comfortable.

Is there perhaps a pub or shop nearby that your DH could wait in? A 50 minute drive each way, when you can't do much to help, is quite a faff. Also only waiting 1 hour so far isn't really very long.

KendrickLamaze · 03/01/2023 19:29

Recoveries are taking so long at the minute they are now used to people leaving the cars with keys hidden. I wouldn't expect him to be recovered any time soon and would be thinking about ringing recovery agents separately.

KendrickLamaze · 03/01/2023 19:30

They recovery person will be taking the van to the nearest or recommended garage with the keys hidden so no hassle to them.

WeAllHaveWings · 03/01/2023 19:31

Last 2 times we had RAC out they took over 5 hours, have they given him an ETA?. First time dh's car (about 5 years ago), second time for mine (last year). Both times we didnt hesitate to change our plans and picked each other up/dropped back off when recovery said they were nearly there.

bellac11 · 03/01/2023 19:32

I would drive a mcdonalds and a hot drink to my OH if this happened. I wouldnt allow him to leave the car and the key hidden (he wouldnt do that anyway, too risk averse)

NewYearNewSeeds · 03/01/2023 19:35

Each to their own but if the recovery people have confirmed they will deal with the car without him, I'd go.

I don't think a 90 mins journey is such a big deal, but appreciate not everyone thinks that way about car drives.

minionsrule · 03/01/2023 19:41

LumpyandBumps · 03/01/2023 19:13

If the breakdown service is expecting to deal with a tyre which needs replacing they are unlikely to arrive prepared to tow his vehicle home.
They work on the vehicle at the roadside, or if it cannot be fixed tow it home or to a local garage. I have never known them offer a delivery service for fixable problems just because the car driver doesn’t want to wait.

Depends on the breakdown company.
OP already said there is no spare tyre and if they are anything like mine they rarely fix at the roadside and generally won't be equipped with spare parts (unlike the AA/RAC which is why they charge a fortune). Most likely the service is breakdown recovery only, so will just tow you home.
Mine did once change my tyre at the roadside but I had a spare

toocold54 · 03/01/2023 19:48

Unless he’s in the middle of no where with no where to go to the toilet then YANBU.

It’s just a part of breaking down isn’t it.

I’ve broken down many times before and often they’ll say it’ll be like 6 hours to wait and then a couple hours in to it I get a phone call saying they’re 10mins away.

If that was to happen I can imagine him being put on the bottom of the list as they’re not going to wait 50minutes for him to come back.

GreenManalishi · 03/01/2023 19:50

With no spare there's not going to be anything they can do with a blow out when they arrive other than tow, where to will depend on your cover.

Whether you should go and get him depends on your relationship, and whether you'd appreciate the same from him if the roles were reversed.

CalistoNoSolo · 03/01/2023 19:55

He's an idiot for not getting a spare sorted out. That alone would make me not want to go get him.

reallyhatewinter · 03/01/2023 19:56

If it was me, I'd collect my DH in a heartbeat if the company have said they'll take the car.
Even if the company wouldn't take the car and DH had to stay with it, I'd be driving out to give him extra warm clothing, some food and a flask.
But then I know my DH would do the same for me, the only difference being, he'd probably wait with the car and tell me to drive straight back home.

bellac11 · 03/01/2023 20:00

I wonder if this is one of those test threads about how much hostility there is toward men on this site

Because if some of these posts were written about women by their male partners it would be almost hate speak

'Shes an idiot for not getting a spare sorted out. That alone would make me not want to get her'