School bully online styling herself as a 'hoilistic coach and yoga teacher'

[warofthemonstertrucks]

I've just happened on a long Facebook post from her about self reflection, being kind to yourself, finding inner peace, being kind and a lot more about how she has everything she always wanted ' 3 kids, a quiet life and a country home'....

This woman terrorised me and alot of other girls in our year, one to the point of suicide attempt.
She was high as a kite half the time. Inner peace and nature! Mate!

I know I would be really, but would I be being Unreasonable to reply to her post and ask her what advice she would give someone whose self esteem had been so decimated my bullies that it blighted the rest of their life until they got decent therapy?

I get that People can change and everyone has to make a living but the smug/preachy tone of her post has made me so cross!!

"I know I would be really, but would I be being Unreasonable to reply to her post and ask her what advice she would give someone whose self esteem had been so decimated my bullies that it blighted the rest of their life until they got decent therapy?"

That would certainly give her cause for reflection which wouldn't be a bad thing.

I was bullied by my boss in my last job and came close to having a nervous breakdown and was left having to go to the hospital every week for therapy, trying to pick up the pieces of my life. It took me two years to properly recover. The woman who bullied me left the company and is now in an even bigger and better job calling herself a leader of industry. I sometimes wonder if these people ever think about the damage they do? They paid me off on the condition I sign an NDA, so I'm not in the position to ever ask her.

Oh crikey I would be so tempted to respond with that....I suspect she would delete the comment though!

I read these threads and it always surprises me how many posters seem convinced that no one can grow or change or reflect past their teenage years (and early / mid teens at that.) The woman I am today is light years away from the teenage girl I was.

It is also odd that the socially awkward can change into the beautiful and confident - so we acknowledge some types of change are possible?

It must have been utterly galling to read about what your bully is doing now. I wonder if it would have had the same impact had you read about her being a successful hedge fund manager or something? It’s the fact that she is setting herself up as enlightened and in a kind of therapeutic role when your memories of her leave you wondering what on earth she must be like in such a role that’s especially infuriating. It’s impossible to say what impact challenging her would have; she may just deny everything and blandly suggest you have misremembered; she may react in a scathing way that evokes past bullying; she may genuinely regret what she did. Contact her if you feel you need to say something - I’d do it privately and I would simply tell her that she had a negative impact on your life, that she may not remember this (or choose not to), that you were surprised at the career choice and hope it represents a positive and sincere change.

My life was blighted by bullying and the impact lasts a very long time. One of the bullies approached me in a semi-embarrassed, semi-sheepish way some years later (bumped into me in our local town). At the time I was very distant and didn’t want to talk to her, and was probably very dismissive. Now, I wish I had been in a place to hear her out. She was by no means the worst bully, though. Many will just go on with their lives being ‘top dogs’ and thinking it’s great to be them. Statistically, bullies are slightly more vulnerable to some mental health problems, but bully victims and those who have both bullied and been victims do worse in terms of depression and low self-esteem. The culture in schools when I was a child was such that bullying was almost encouraged as it was seen as being a ‘leader’ and ‘competitive’. Victims tended to get isolated and looked at askance with some very obvious inferences that we must have done something to deserve it. It truly was unjust. Bullying doesn’t ‘toughen people up’, it traumatises them.

Well done for moving on with your life, OP.

I feel similar to you. I never bullied anybody but I used to be quite resentful and passive aggressive and I wasn't happy for my friends who were doing better. I am totally different now.

Slightly different as not bullied but a boy grabbed me/groped me and I private messaged him about that.

He remembered. He was absolutely apologetic, mortified and more. He has matured. Has grown up in so many ways. Regrets what he did, wished he hadn't etc etc.

He has a daughter now which gives him a different perspective (it shouldn't, but it does)

He seems a decent person now.

I'm glad I PMd him about it. It helped.

So maybe a PM might be a better way of approaching it?

Why do people always fall all over themselves to make excuses for bullies and abusers on here? Some people are just nasty cunts.

I have never met a bully who actually recognised themselves as one if confronted years later.

I definitely wouldn’t comment or ask her what her advice would be because there is no possible way that you would come out of that with a positive outcome. She’s not going to say ‘I’m so sorry, I see what you’re trying to say and I’m ashamed I made you feel that way’. It’s never going to happen. You’ll either get frustrated or dragged into an on line slanging match. You don’t want that outcome.

My sensible advice would be to block, forget and move on. My hot headed advice would be that a 😂 emoji speaks a million words. Don’t do that though.

OP I completely understand how you feel . But I wouldn't contact her , life coach is the most typical " I'm better than you " up their own ass job title that a bully would lean towards. Life coach 🙄 who the fuck do they think they are.
This type of person has no remorse about how they treated others. I knew 6 bullies
( the worst kind as well ) at school and every one of them are still the same they passed it onto their kids as well , it's like a family business of bitches ! . I know it really grinds your gears that you want people to know the truth but she will just get the chance to harm you all over again . You are so much better than that . I practice yoga , believe me KARMA will get her in the end 🙏🙂

Some of the damage bullies do never leaves you

Sounds like a fair question to ask her.
You won’t come across as confrontational to anyone else, but she will know exactly what point you’re trying to make.

@Herejustforthisone couldn't agree more. Enough with the excuses !

This ^

why not send her a private message . get it off your chest and let her know what you think about her post .

Sounds like she is still a bully at heart. Life coaching attracts people like this, not self aware but have a good grip on the frailties of others.

I'd leave it. Sounds like a nasty piece of work.

I saw a meme somewhere with the quote ' why is it always your least successful friend who becomes a life coach' I'm sure there some good ones but life coaching seems to attract a very crowd to mlm these days.

@Lincolnremain not anywhere near as shit as the girl she pushed to a suicide attempt ! FFS

@GyozaGuiting aged 11-17 so years 7-11 when she left and went to college.

@Galarunner

Agree. i guess it’s the unregulated nature of it. Anyone can set themselves up as a “life coach”. I have one on my FB and I heard on the grapevine she was a brutal bully at secondary. (I didn’t go to her school so I wouldn’t know). I often wonder what’s so great about her life that we would pay her to tell us how to live. She’s not at all successful, well in my opinions anyway. She has numerous failed relationships behind her and jumps from one crisis to the next. Always some sort of drama going on in her life.

I would stay well clear of life coaches to be honest. I would only ever recommend qualified counsellors that have been through extensive counselling themselves. No one should ever be advising others without that as a minimum to be honest.

No just move on with your life.

If you need some sort of closure then seek therapy.

Bullies (although still not acceptable) have their own issues and you find quite often once they’re an adult and realise that what another person was doing to them, they were doing to someone else, they will repent and try and pay it back in some way.

Of course it’s going to sting a bit but surely you’d rather see this than see they’re still a bully and a dick of an adult.

I would post along the lines of - this post has reminded me of the person you were at school and I'm pleased that you have decided to become a better person because at school you were unpleasant

Yep! Perfectly reasonable to ask!

@toocold54

No, it’s not inevitable that people bully just because they were bullied. Many people who were bullied go on to protect others. Many seriously don’t repent in adulthood either. It’s amazing the naivety on this board sometimes.

I mean I totally get people advising not to reply but to just assume everyone grows up and becomes a good person is, well…. very optimistic.

This is the best response I have read! A heartwarming lesson for everyone here ♥️