School bully online styling herself as a 'hoilistic coach and yoga teacher'

[warofthemonstertrucks]

I've just happened on a long Facebook post from her about self reflection, being kind to yourself, finding inner peace, being kind and a lot more about how she has everything she always wanted ' 3 kids, a quiet life and a country home'....

This woman terrorised me and alot of other girls in our year, one to the point of suicide attempt.
She was high as a kite half the time. Inner peace and nature! Mate!

I know I would be really, but would I be being Unreasonable to reply to her post and ask her what advice she would give someone whose self esteem had been so decimated my bullies that it blighted the rest of their life until they got decent therapy?

I get that People can change and everyone has to make a living but the smug/preachy tone of her post has made me so cross!!

Lolabear38 - You are clearly one of the kind that we all hope bullies will become when they grow up and mature into adults who come to understand conscience and compassion and contribute positively to society, and I really don't think you should continue to beat yourself up about it.

Unfortunately, many people who are nasty bullies as kids never change at all and just become (often even nastier) nasty adults. They go through life causing upset and trauma to others and just don't care, or even notice it.

I'd say that the fact that you've accepted and acknowledged what you did, and vowed to leave that behaviour in the past, puts you in a small minority of former bullies.

Yeah do it, no big deal if you do or if you don't. I probably would if I were in your shoes. Why should she get away with causing so much trauma and receive absolutely no comeback? Lots of kids have trauma in their lives but don't bully others to the brink of suicide. A lot of bullied kids have other trauma. Apparently she will understand how she's triggered recognition of the pain she caused and thats it's now time for you to handle it by reflecting back to the source. It sounds like she would welcome the valuable learning opportunity and grow from it some more :-) Then you should send her an invoice for the therapy she caused you to have.

You could message her directly and give her the opportunity to apologise.
It would be a gift to her on her healing journey.
I suppose only make contact if you are prepared to not like what you hear.
I do agree that schools still handle bullying very badly with emphasis put on the victims to change. Be more resilient, stand up for yourself, don't make yourself a target.

@Opp

Exactly. I was bullied by my ex military father. He was a scary man. Clearly none of my peers were ever able to bully me at school as when you’re contending with a 6 foot bloke at home a teenage girl is really no comparison. I wasn’t scared of anybody.

I tell you what though, I stuck up for those being bullied. I was known for it. Always looking out for the underdog and taking them under my wing. I knew exactly how it felt and I couldn’t stand to witness it.

As an adult I can’t tell you how many times I’ve bumped into people from school and they’ve now thanked me for sticking up for them. And yes it feels nice I guess. Rather my side of the fence than a bullies. Some people are just plain mean.

I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of even hinting that she had had any power over you, even all those years ago.

Much more classy to "go high" to quote Michelle Obama. Save your time and attention for people who deserve it.

All the best

Most people I know who have set themselves up as “holistic coaches and yoga teachers” are still very much mean girls, and have set themselves up in that career to have more opportunities to put themselves on pedestals above everyone else

I can't comment on the yoga side, but I've long thought this about people who set themselves up as 'life coaches'.

Normally, people have/develop/learn a specialised skill(s) that they then trade to make a livelihood - e.g. the plumber will earn money from the baker by fixing his leaky pipes and then the baker will earn some of that money back from the plumber when she comes to buy some of his delicious bread and cakes. Each of them knows and acknowledges that one of them is better than the other in one skill.

Self-styled life coaches, on the other hand, are basically just setting themselves up as 'I'm much better than you could be in every way - pay me money and you can learn to swap your rubbish life for an amazing one like mine'.

Many are narcissistic and therefore will believe they did nothing and others were too emotional. They lack any empathy and self awareness

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Yes totally agree with all of that.

Well I would say something.
Not all bullies are victims, some people just enjoy power over others.

And very few people stand up to them.

I would just unfollow. Nothing good will come of contacting her and she's unlikely to give you any sort of closure if you confront her.

I don’t know if I would but I’d be very tempted.

For me it would be a way of bringing control back.

@warofthemonstertrucks how old was she when she bullied you? Not that it makes it ok, but a 9 year old being a dick vs a manipulative and malicious 17 year old are quite different prospects.
My bully preaches peace and love on her Facebook. I just laugh it off. Life hasn’t actually gone that well for her.

I would be asking her for an appointment...
See how she deals with a blast from her past.
Then you can review her services can't you?

I’m on the fence.

I was bullied by a teacher in school (it happens, and it made my life miserable).

Years later, I was studying for my postgrad and working in a supermarket. She came through my till and acted all friendly. “Oh, I taught you when you were younger!” I played dumb, but when she persisted, I said “well, honestly, I didn’t have a very nice experience in your classroom. I’m surprised you don’t remember.”

She looked really upset, like she was going to cry, and packed her stuff up at lightning speed. She was out the door like a shot. It wasn’t cathartic. I ended up feeling awful for her. I don’t think these things ever turn out how we imagine.

It's surprising how easily a lot of bullies will dismiss or minimise - even full-on DARVO - their own previous actions.

Happens a lot. Someone I used to know did the dirty on me, misrepresented me to others after she'd screamed and shouted and manipulated things to her benefit but said it was down to me. Represented herself online as a angel of a person, all about helping others, being kind. Now fast forward some years and apparently someone has done something terribly upsetting to her and her social media is a stream of how she's been treated so badly but is rising above it and healing and others saying how wonderful and brave she is. I've resisted saying anything myself, but I am privately thinking that I am certain there's a whole other side to the story.

Do it! Bullies don’t change.

Well, you could always set up loads of fake coaching sessions with her to waste her time?! Revenge is a dish best served cold and all that?! Bullies don’t change, she deserves any negativity you can throw at her.

Do it! But do not be surprised if she remembers it completely differently

Knock her off her high horse… I hate bullies

@warofthemonstertrucks interesting, mine did exactly the same and your story is similar to my experience. She actually added me as a friend, I ignored the request. It might have been years but the damage is still there, don’t care how much people can change as they grow older, the trauma I had is still there.

I have one of these too! Awful bully of a so-called best friend at secondary school. Put me down at every opportunity, used me to feel better about herself (as I now know that her home life wasn’t a bed of roses). She was a dancer, now turned Yoga teacher, preaching love and peace and #blessed on Facebook. Makes me laugh, she was such an awful person and if her daughter ever has a friend behave towards her the way she did to me she’d be the first to be complaining about it. I unfriended her and have since left Facebook. But every so often I do still fantasise about putting something cutting on her page!

As PPs have said, I’m not convinced you’d get the reaction you are after if you did say something to her, so block and move on seems the healthiest thing to do.

I dunno with this one. I get where you are coming from as I was bullied absolutely horrifically at secondary school but turns out life had way more brutal challenges for me since, so I just can't get mad about it now. I think if she's grown and she's not that person anymore then that can only be a good thing. I would hate to be judged by who I was at 15! Whilst not a bully or hurtful to anyone, I had other issues I don't have any more. But then I don't know how old you are, you might be only 18 and this only a couple of years ago (though doubtful if she's got 3 kids). If you are all over the age of like 23, probably time to move on.

I was bullied relentlessly at primary school and still have the emotional scars. I wouldn't post on her page if I were you. The people who know her as an adult and like her or those who have used her services aren't going to take the word of a random at face value. It's more likely they will turn on you instead for trying to sabotage her small business and that is hardly going to help your self esteem. If by some chance she is dragged through the coals, will it really make you feel good?

She may have changed, she may not. If she was high all the time she might not even remember you or what she did. Whatever the circumstances, you need to stop looking for closure through her. Continue with your counselling and your life and stay well away from her social media.

seriously? Why can’t she have changed? It’s ridiculous to think she’s still the same person.