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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband keeps taking my car

122 replies

BlueLiz · 03/01/2023 13:12

My husband decided to buy a two seater sports car a couple of years ago. I bought an estate/family car 4 years ago so we could take the grandchildren out. My husband shares lifts with his colleagues and often takes my car as it has more room and his is awful in bad weather. I work part time and look after our grandchildren a couple of times a week. He feels it’s ok to take my car when he thinks he will, but I’m fed up not having my car.
(I drive his as a last resort but don’t like driving it, and I can’t get a big shop or the grandkids in it, so I tend to avoid it) AIBU to want him not to use my car? He chose the sports car so I think he should use it, it’s not my fault it’s rubbish in the winter and lacks space for his larger colleagues.

OP posts:

Aprilx · 04/01/2023 07:59

DenholmElliot11 · 03/01/2023 13:23

It''s not a waste of police time to report a stolen car.

thats exactly why the police exist.

Show quote history

Don’t be so ridiculous. Do you really think this is how police time should be spent, resolving who should use what car squabbles.

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/01/2023 11:18

@Aprilx is right - this is not an appropriate use of police time - and it isn't even a theft. The husband isn't intending to permanently deprive OP of her car, or sell it - he just wants to use it when it suits him.

He needs to learn that he can only use it when it suits her.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/01/2023 11:35

Aprilx is right - this is not an appropriate use of police time - and it isn't even a theft. The husband isn't intending to permanently deprive OP of her car, or sell it - he just wants to use it when it suits him.

It just makes me cringe, really - like when parents try to instil in their children a deeply unhealthy attitude towards to the police, by pointing out an officer in the street and telling them that s/he will arrest them and lock them up if they don't eat their vegetables or protest at bedtime.

Original poster

BlueLiz · 04/01/2023 19:57

@itsthefinalcountdown1
why are people assuming I’ve not talked to him about it? Yes thanks I am an adult, we have spoken about it. His opinion is that his need is greater than mine. As he needs it to go to work in. My point is he has his own car which I cannot use for my grandkids or shopping as it’s a tiny 2 seater! I also work albeit part time and chose my car for my needs.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 04/01/2023 19:58

How dare he think his desire to use yours trumps your need to use YOUR car 🤬

Has he always been selfish or misogynistic?

caravanbuckie · 04/01/2023 20:04

why are people assuming I’ve not talked to him about it?

Because you didn't say that you had. You ignored multiple posters who asked if you had. Because we don't know you, don't take it personally, there are plenty people who wouldn't have spoken about it.

Original poster

BlueLiz · 04/01/2023 20:08

@RandomMess selfish yes, no idea why. Mind you his Dad was the same!

OP posts:

Original poster

BlueLiz · 04/01/2023 20:10

@caravanbuckie
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring people asking if I’d spoken to him about it. Just new to this and unsure how to reply to people. Had to look it up.

OP posts:

cantley · 04/01/2023 21:49

Same with the types of cars, but no grandchildren.
I told my husband from the beginning I would never drive his car because I was too nervous of getting a scrape ( he was obsessed with it).
Five years later I've kept to my word. He borrows mine when I'm not using it. Asks first.
He'll probably sell his this year, he realised pretty quickly it wasn't practical.

Inertia · 04/01/2023 21:57

His car clearly doesn’t meet his needs in that case, so he needs to swap it for one which does.

ScroogeMcDuckling · 04/01/2023 22:10

when it comes to cars, and personal bank accounts, the “what’s mine is yours” goes out of the window.

in saying that, my husband doesn’t drive!

But, it’s knowing how much petrol is in it, it doesn’t come back messy, if you go down a bloody great pot hole and knock the tracking out and have to get the tracking done, it’s you, it’s not open for discussion or a row!

NumberTheory · 04/01/2023 22:14

BlueLiz · 04/01/2023 19:57

Tell him if his need for a bigger car is greater he needs to sell his sports car and buy one.

NumberTheory · 04/01/2023 22:16

Sorry, pressed post too soon

…because what he’s really saying is that his desire for a fun sports car in the summer is greater than your need to take the grandkids out or get the shopping conveniently.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/01/2023 22:55

…because what he’s really saying is that his desire for a fun sports car in the summer is greater than your need to take the grandkids out or get the shopping conveniently.

It certainly very much seems that way.

Imagine if OP were a massive fan of fancy dress parties and amassed half a wardrobe full of flamboyant and outlandish outfits for all the lavish weekend soirees, with the other half of the wardrobe housing her ordinary everyday clothes. They've only got space for one wardrobe, so unfortunately, there isn't any room left for any clothes for DH, so she takes all of his garments down to the charity shop.

But.... she isn't really being selfish at all, as some may claim. Some of those outfits are very generously cut, so he would be easily able to fit into them. Why ever would he make a silly big fuss about having to go to work dressed as a clown or a fridge freezer; they're still clothes and it's not like he's expected to go in naked, is he....

JustAnotherManicMomday · 04/01/2023 23:08

Tell him to drive his own stupid midlife crisis style car or sell it and buy something he will use.

JustAnotherManicMomday · 04/01/2023 23:10

Oh this all the way this

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/01/2023 00:20

You have grandkids and he has a sports car?

Maybe you should mention that he doesnt look like a cool man with a cool car when he is in it, but a mid life crisis on wheels. I know its mean but I cant help myself smirking when I see yet another circa 50 year old in his second hand porsche with the top down thinking he looks like Tom Cruise in 1990.

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/01/2023 00:22

Oh and I say this as a woman who is about to turn 50 so probably a similar age to him.

Emotionalsupportviper · 05/01/2023 12:22

Have ou tried taking his car and "accidentally" scratching is every single time, OP

Nothing huge. Just enough to bring a tear to his eye.

user1492757084 · 05/01/2023 12:25

Suggest that it is time your husband swaps his car over. he needs a larger car too.

jannier · 05/01/2023 16:40

BlueLiz · 04/01/2023 19:57

I would be messaging him a shopping list with you've got the car so shop on your way home.
Remove kids seats then add....I'm booking a taxi to take grandkids out have set up an Uber account with your details as you have taken the only car we can go in and they are not missing out.

RandomMess · 05/01/2023 18:08

When you just have one child take them out in his car and let the grandchild make a mess his in his lovely car, preferably on the steering wheel, seat etc.

TBH asking him to pick up shopping and making him pay for an Uber is inspired.

Hiding the keys and making him ask for them and you saying "no I need it today" should be an easy solution?

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