Itchy vagina condition ruining sex life and worried about my marriage

[ncpostingabout]

I've had this on and off for years and years.

I was told it's recurring thrush but this week has been horrendous and I figured it just cannot still be thrush these years later.

So I googled and looks like it could be a rare condition called lichen sclerosus which causes pain burning and itching around genitals. Apparently a lifelong condition - I'm gutted.

Does anyone have this or anything similar? Please share experiences but it's really impacting sex life.

DH wants sex, I tell him it's painful but then he thinks if it's gentle it'll be ok and I end up feeling incredibly guilty.

Please I can do without LTB this is the real world and facing reality my sex life is affected like this is very upsetting - for both of us.

Any advice, not sure why I'm posting I guess for traffic to ask if anyone has similar experience or really how I should handle this from a relationship perspective.

Are you sure its not an herpes OP?.

because i was in similar position couple years ago. And i googled. But i dont like to diagnosed myself. Si i went to doctor when i’m itchy. Apparently i got herpes. The herpes been dormant for so many years i didnt realize it was herpes. I used timo have itchy vagina when i was younger here and there but not soo much. Now i’m older i got it all the time and its turns out herpes. Now i never got it anymore. Sex is good. My husband is negative for herpes. I’m just drink the medicine doc gave me if the iychy start

That’s horrible hopefully there is a cure

It is so sad to see how brainwashed you are due to your husband gaslighting you. He is fucking horrible. His complete lack of respect and concern for you are shocking. Please don't bring a child into this toxic disaster of a marriage.

What is the fear you feel?
Is it not hedging him to talk to every day?
Is it the feeling of warmth and comfort when you're on your way home and you're going to have dinner together?
Is it the fear of being alone?
Is it the fear of not finding anyone else?
Is it the fear of pain? Are you scared of the discomfort of letting go of something/ someone that has impacted your life for a long time?

Because fear of losing someone is an interesting comment.

You're so scared of him leaving/ cheating that you will put up with literally anything. Why is fear your greatest hurdle?

Maybe do some reading/ talking, because there must be a reason you're so frozen with fear you'll put up with this.

@ncpostingabout I hear you! My DH doesn’t really understand either and while he says ok I know it’s really not and it’s just easier all round to have sex even though it hurts.
My issue is mainly atrophy related due to menopause with the added joy of LS. I manage it as best I can with HRT, Dermovate when needed and moisturiser/lube. It can be done.

I have what is basically a non stretchy vagina after childbirth. I can just about have sex sometimes but mostly can’t and am pretty anxious about it because it is so often not enjoyable. This has been for 4.5 years since DC was born. What has made it mostly a non issue is DH isn’t a jerk about it. He would definitely have sex more often but he never makes me feel pressured at all (and no he is not having an affair), and we do other things. I’d suggest maybe counseling for your husband to understand exactly how bad it is for you?

I would suggest you take all the advice on here about creams and doctors etc

Stop having sex because it’s painful. Repeat this as many times as you need to- your body is yours; he’s not entitled to it

If he cheats on you because you say no then you might wake up to how shit this is and divorce him so let’s hope he does.

Thanks to this thread I'm remembering to put my steroid cream on daily so thanks OP

Thanks all, I called my GUM clinic today they said they no longer deal with any dermatology issues and would have to refer me in the same way my gp would they strictly only deal with STD so I have gp appt tomorrow where I will ask how long a referral likely to take and also check under my private health policy.

If neither can help quickly then I'll track down a GUM clinic in the next large town until I find one that has dermatology

Hi OP.

From experience, it will probably be quicker to get a private referral to gynaecology than dermatology, either should be able to take a biopsy to confirm it is LS.

I got referral to dermatology years ago by a GUM consultant, and it took months and months to get appt, by which time my ulcer had healed. When it came back, I saw GUM again but they told me to see GP to ask them to refer me to dermatology urgently, but my GP referred me to gynaecology instead and I was seen in a couple of weeks so was able to have biopsy done.

My friend has LS and I'm sure she was under gynae rather than dermatology.

Best of luck

There are such things as dermagynaecologists.. look up vulval dermatology, or women's dermatology. If it's going to be a faff involving referrals etc, you may as well travel to someone who does this for a living?!

Good luck, on both counts.

A quick update I saw the GO today who said it appears to be dermatitis with potentially some lichen so I've been given 0.1% of betnovate.

I also bought some dermol.

My question has anyone used betnovate? They wouldn't give me anything else out of fear it's too strong as die to my age unlikely to be lichen but possibly could be 🙄

They also said dermatologist and gynaecologist has six month plus wait so no referral I need to try cream first and see if it clears

I use trimovate very very occasionally if I have dermatitis due to thrush and it's moderate potency. I think that cream is a bit stronger than trimovate. I've also used dermol 500. ( Watch dermol as it has paraffin in it so be careful if it's on your hands - danger with lit matches)

Hopefully it will help OP

@ncpostingabout I'd be wary of the advice in the UK regarding Lichen, I got diagnosed after moving overseas and the doctor said the UK is terrible at diagnosing it, especially in young people. I suffered for 14 years. When I gave birth (discussions due to increased chance of tearing due to drier skin caused by condition) not one midwife had ever even heard of it!

The risk of it not being treated properly is the increased risk of vulva cancer (4%).

Personally I'd go private and get a biopsy done to know for sure x

I've had mine for 35 years. I had lichen sclerosis after my first baby late 20's. My GP looked and said it was just hormonal. Five years later I found an amazing doctor through the GUM clinic who diagnosed and treated me.

This aside, to begin with I spent three years coping alone with it. Not advised as it causes untold scarring and fusing.

What helped was hydrocortisone cream from the chemist plastered on to give a bigger dose. Once the flare up is under control it calms and you don't need as much. In between times Vaseline plastered on to keep skin supple.

If skin has fused and stops being sore (important point) you can stretch the scars out to prevent contractures. I do this daily.

After decades mine has burnt out. It's inactive. And even my doctor commented that it looks like I've had surgery to neaten it all up. I haven't, it's just the scar tissue. It occasionally affects sex life, but rarely. I use jojoba oil during sex.

I hope you get seen swiftly. It's getting hydrocortisone cream that's key.

I've used Betnovate for 26 years without issue. The vulva skin seems not to be affected (thinned) like normal dermal skin. At least that's what I have found. I use 10-30mg a month for 30 years.

Sorry it's Dermovate 0.5mg I use. So it's stronger.

Thank k you all so much.

I'm also currently await g a decision through private medical insurance whether they will look into it but have sneaky suspicion they'll decline the claim because I have thyroid but will see

@ThinWomansBrain did just one Estrogen pessary sort you out? Or did you have to take it for a while? And was it Vagifem?

@ncpostingabout

Hey OP, just wondering how you’re getting on? Did the cream give any relief?

Hi @TruJay yes it is all fixed - I've been given betnovate and it's been amazing.

I stopped taking it and it came back so it's told me I just need to continue using it indefinitely even though I've been told it's quite strong regular moisturiser is t enough for me

I don't want to turn this into a man bashing exercise as I am on the whole very sympathetic towards men and their actual need for sex that many women fail to understand. But I am enormously concerned about a man who would continue to have sex knowing that it is causing pain. That's really really sinister and not love. There are other ways to get enjoyment. How can he enjoy himself knowing you are in pain?

@powerrangers although your post is a couple of months old now, I was struck by what you wrote.

I’ve had LS for a good couple of years now, and unfortunately the skin tearing during sex became so painful and stingy (despite using lots of lube), that I eventually didn’t want penetrative sex due to the anticipation of pain, although I was up for everything else!

Cut to 2023, and we’re divorcing! My stbxh never really understood or appreciated that it caused me pain, and was genuinely surprised that I wasn’t rushing out to get a skin graft!! I had explained that, unfortunately it’s a life long condition and couldn’t we just enjoy doing everything else.

I do remember one occasion when I had actually said ‘ouch, hang on a second that stings a bit’ and his response was an almost immediate ‘try again’ ie his pleasure came first (excuse the pun!😆).

There were other reasons for the separation but it was mainly sex related. On the one hand I did see it from his point of view, but on the other I kept thinking if roles were reversed and he had some kind of issue that caused him pain, I would be understanding and it wouldn’t be a marriage ender!