Itchy vagina condition ruining sex life and worried about my marriage

[ncpostingabout]

I've had this on and off for years and years.

I was told it's recurring thrush but this week has been horrendous and I figured it just cannot still be thrush these years later.

So I googled and looks like it could be a rare condition called lichen sclerosus which causes pain burning and itching around genitals. Apparently a lifelong condition - I'm gutted.

Does anyone have this or anything similar? Please share experiences but it's really impacting sex life.

DH wants sex, I tell him it's painful but then he thinks if it's gentle it'll be ok and I end up feeling incredibly guilty.

Please I can do without LTB this is the real world and facing reality my sex life is affected like this is very upsetting - for both of us.

Any advice, not sure why I'm posting I guess for traffic to ask if anyone has similar experience or really how I should handle this from a relationship perspective.

My DH yes agree with other posters our sex life is not on the same page. He wants it a couple of times a week minimum and I can't keep up. I'd be happy with it we every 1-2 weeks.

It's very difficult

Ask for a gynaecologist referral and a biopsy- mine was a tiny white patch it turned out to be psoriasis. Lotriderm steroid cream got rid of the itch and I have autoimmune arthritis and on meds for that so I never get it now

@randomuser2019 thank you for posting I do see what you're saying.

It's because without sex he makes me feel very guilty yes. But also, I worry that he may cheat on me it happens a lot doesn't it - women doesn't give sex often enough = man leaves.

I don't think I'm being deluded here either I believe many men have sex drives that far outweigh womens

If you think you have lichen sclerosus, please please please go to your local sexual health clinic, we can help

@WetBandits turns out I have a private medical policy and so am waiting for a referral to the dermatologist

@ncpostingabout I had something very similar and saw my GP. I was literally scratching myself raw and was so very uncomfortable it was waking me at night and stopping me working.
I was prescribed Dermovate cream plus Ovestin to use externally and advised to use a moisturiser too if I needed it. I chose Yes vaginal moisturiser which I purchase from Amazon.
Between them these have changed things enormously and I’m generally ok. If it flares I apply Dermovate for a couple of days. I use the Yes regularly sometimes several times a day as I find dryness down below makes me itch a lot anyway. Yes also do a waterbased lube for sex which is very good.

Fellow sufferer here. I was diagnosed at age 30 after a decade or so of being treated for recurrent thrush. I use a combination of Dermol 500 (to wash in the shower), dermovate to treat flare ups, and good old fashioned Vaseline for sex and as a barrier if I go swimming. I read about the Vaseline on an Australian dermatologist’s site some years ago. For me it seems to prevent the skin being damaged by friction or getting irritated in the swimming pool. I rarely have to use steroids now, but they are a godsend.

@ncpostingabout - I understand why you think the way you do, but honestly, you need to start a new thread in Relationships, and ask for other perspectives on how relationships are supposed to work.

This is my view -

• there is no REAL reason why a lack of sex leads to men cheating. In an ideal world he will just deal with it himself until you heal, or, if you're in a marriage where you end up with completely different desires, you/he leaves. The only reason for cheating is because you are weak and have little respect for yourself or partner.

• you need to see that "making you feel guilty" counts as coercive and psychological abuse, and it works because in the end you capitulate. This actually backfires because, even if you can't get your head around the idea that this is a form of sexual abuse, you end up angry, resentful, and even less like having sex.

• you are trying to conceive a child in awful circumstances. You are trying to conceive with someone who is too immature to have a proper conversation about a medical problem. Someone who is too immature to cope without the amount of sex he thinks is ideal.

• what will happen if you don't get pregnant? Will he be content to work through that? Will he cope with ivf issues such as extra mood and fatigue problems if you experience them?

• having a small child is hard. How does he feel about the 2 - hourly waking in the first weeks?

• how will he feel if you cannot/ do not want sex for 3 months...6 months.. more? Which is not uncommon.

• how will he feel if you get PND, a 3rd degree tear during delivery, have a c section and can't look after yourself and the baby in the first weeks?

If he is being this vile now, it will only get worse. That is an unequivocal fact. I KNOW how frightening it is to consider starting again. I know that being with someone like this will support the theory that you're lucky to have someone at all, but that's not true.

I'm sorry. I know you came here for advice on a cream to take the pain away, but there is nothing you can have prescribed to take away the utter misery of parenting with someone like this as your partner.

Sorry that your going through this OP. It does sound like your local sexual health clinic could really help, and may be quicker than waiting for a private dermatologist appt..

You've had lots of good advise. I just wanted to add that things like scented pads, scented wash products and certain clothes washing powders / liquids and softeners can exacerbate this type of thing. I avoid all of the above like the plague.

Hey @ncpostingabout, I got diagnosed with this about three years ago. It's managed with steroid cream, prescribed by a gynaecologist.

It's definitely worth going private if you can and getting a diagnosis, don't want to worry you but it's worth mentioning that 4% of women with untreated LC develop cancer of the vulva.

I had bad burning, especially around the entrance to my vagina, and sex was sore. I had a biopsy taken and got diagnosed, I hadn't noticed white patches before the DR pointed it out. I had to wait two or three days between having sex and it felt like I always had a slight split there.

Currently I have no symptoms, I use strioid cream and also apply emu oil twice a week (after seeing a YouTube video in which a girl who suffers with it badly recommended).

I was desperately worried about childbirth, both tearing and scarring post labour but I didn't have any issues.

Either way, I really hope you find out what it is very soon, it sounds so uncomfortable xx

Oh and I should mention that some scented toilet paper causes me a whole lot of bother down there! I was kept awake with the burning pain recently and narrowed it down to that. Took about 4 days of changing TP for it to go xx

Jesus. I m a guy...I just cannot read this post and say nothing. Your husband is pressurising you into sex and using guilt as leverage so he can get his nuts off despite you having an incredibly painful condition on your vagina. Thats all sorts of wrong. Tell him to fuck off?

You need to reassess how you see relationships, truly. You should be able to say no to sex whenever you want without any fear. He needs to accept you have rights around consent and learn to masturbate.

@Onceuponawhileago not even the fear of losing someone? It's much easier to just do it, call me jaded but that's what I think

Thats so sad. I'm so sad for you because a relationship is supposed to be fairly balanced and hopefully an important thing to you both. Thats not balanced- you are having sex when its painful because you are afraid of him leaving. After both our kids my wife had a difficult time getting back into having sex, both times had tears. We waited so long and took it do slow because thats what you do with another human being you love. Your husband is a poor excuse for a man.

So what do posters suggest? I bring this thread up with him? Because unless I bring in others opinions he isn't going to take what I'm saying seriously - he will just think I'm saying it to avoid sex or being over dramatic or will think he still has 'needs'

I just honestly don't think posters are being realistic about the situation

I think you are so invested in a way of thinkng about sex and relationship power that you are wiling to trade your own personal sexual pain in return for your husbands demands. Your issue is not the condition but your husbands attitude towards you and his seemingly god given right to sex. Would he want to have sex with you if you had herpes infections?

Name changed for this as it's very personal. I have Bechets disease: when it flares up I can get ulcers down there that last for months on end. It can be excruciatingly painful, and there is no way I can have sex. It also affected me quite badly psychologically when I first got diagnosed with it, and my sex drive when I had finally healed just didn't come back for a good while: I was scared about the ulcers returning, which they did, again and again, and I'd get more worried about having sex again. I ended up not having sex with my partner for nearly two years. He understood.

Because unless I bring in others opinions he isn't going to take what I'm saying seriously - he will just think I'm saying it to avoid sex or being over dramatic or will think he still has 'needs'

Why wouldn't he take what you say seriously? You really don't need the extra stress of your partner moaning about his "needs" when you're in pain down there. Sorry OP, but that's not how a loving relationship should be.

OP your husband is an abusive arsehole. If my DH thought I was only having sex with him because I was scared to lose him, he'd be really hurt and upset.

Think about if it was him that had this painful condition. Would you as his wife guilt him into sex because you were horny, without a care at all at how much it was hurting him?

No? Then why is it ok for him to do it to you?

He's emotionally abused you to the point where you think it's normal for a man can rape his wife.