To be angry that my family banned me from Christmas for having covid

[tantrumingcoldchild]

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

Having engaged on this thread in sincerity, I now call bullshit.

Utter utter wank.

Tbf it does sound as though OP's parents are not in the UK but my comments were about the increased risk to anyone of becoming seriously unwell at the moment. So many horror stories about lack of care. I wouldn't want to deliberately pass on a virus anyway which it amounts to given how contagious covid is, but particularly not if there is a real chance of serious illness (which there still is) and totally inadequate or nonexistent healthcare in that event. If they're not in the UK it's probably not as bad from that point of view but I fundamentally can't understand the mentality of wanting to visit someone and stay in their home knowing I had covid. Fair enough if the parent didn't care I guess but they did and they have every right to protect their health. Is OP going to be there looking after them if they have months of complications? It's all up to the individuals concerned of course but especially the ones potentially being put at risk.

I did report it early on, but they said the poster has been posting consistently for several years.

I would never ever turn any of my children away if I’d not seen them for a year and they had traveled. Even if I had to due to being high risk it would have been handled in a more loving and warmer manner than the ops parent did. I would have opened windows and worn masks. There’s no rules anymore, we are probably in contact with hundreds every day with it in work, shops and public transport. I’d never turn my child away if they were ill and vulnerable. I voted differently but after reading the way it was handled and that there was no phone calls etc to OP I think the parent is UR

The issue that people are taking with your original post is that you're making wild assumptions about the OP's personality and family situation; absolutely nothing to do with Covid.

Just because someone takes a different stance to you, doesn't mean they're fake. Not everyone is as hysterical about Covid. It's funny that it's essentially still the same users as in March 2020; I guess you'd just love to have lockdowns forever, regardless of all the collateral damage they did.

Except for the massive clue about them not only feeling angry and entitled about a supposedly loved family member taking precautions against covid, but ranting about them on mumsnet too. Not a single post from OP acknowledging the parent's point of view. It's not a leap to read that and think maybe they're not the most caring and considerate of people.

Don't be daft. Sensible precautions when you actually have a positive test are a world away from compulsory lockdowns. Respecting other people's decisions about their health is not being hysterical.

I completely agree with you @Harry12345 .

I’ve had flu for the last two weeks. More people die from flu than Covid. We don’t test for flu but we rely on people being sensible and staying in ( to be fair if you are that ill you don’t want to go out).

majority of people in real life are not testing for Covid everytime they get a cold. Most employees don’t get adequate sick pay so are really not going to start calling in sick.

where are people getting the Covid tests from? Mine from 2021 are dried up now so complete waste of time and I’m not buying new ones unless I need to visit a care home or hospital.

It’s the inconsistency of claiming not to have flown with Covid but needing a lift from the airport that doesn’t make sense - plus the story was always going to arouse strong feelings.
I wasn’t on MumsNet or any social media in 2020 so I don’t know what you’re talking about there.

They definitely left some stuff out.

They don't want to be ill. Why do you not care if you make them ill? YABU

Yes. If it were a complete fake, the story would probably be more consistent. They do seem to be in a different time zone as well.

@tantrumingcoldchild so your uninterested parent has a spouse who works with small children- so are we right to assume that this is your dad we’re talking about?

for those who think op is being dumb about this, it was arranged that the uninterested parent was collecting op from the airport and having decided unilaterally that op was persona non grata, she was not only left to make her own way hundreds of miles, there was nowhere for her to go. Added to this the uninterested parent didn’t even phone to check on where the op was, what had happened to her or anything. They simply acted as if she didn’t exist or even matter to her.

They basically shit on her from a massive height and left her to it.

I don’t blame you for being angry @tantrumingcoldchild you absolutely have that right. Heal, process and see what you want to do going forward.

They don’t want covid, which is completely understandable & normal. I can’t believe you think everyone should risk catching it, just to make you happy.

there are at least 2 issues going on here, you testing positive for covid and how you were subsequently treated.

You can’t blame anyone, especially older people not to willingly want to come into contact with someone who has covid. It is totally disrespectful to take away anyone’s autonomy over their own body. You have every right to be upset and disappointed that your plans didn’t come to fruition and so does your family.

The lack of support you feel you experienced is slightly different. Whilst it is not unreasonable for anyone not to want to transport you hundred’s of miles due to you having covid, you do have a right to feel justifiably upset that little care or concern was shown by one of your parents.

I am a little younger than your parents, but my husband is older than them. Our DD would never have put us in the position where we had to say that we didn’t want to have close contact with her if she had covid (regardless of her symptoms or lack of them) and we showed her the same respect. We’ve been through it twice with her having tested positive followed by other members of her household and then when my DH and myself had it months later. We had to cancel a number of previously made plans, but managed to muddle through and support each other without any falling out or bad feelings.

Not one of us sailed through our covid experience(s) and the side effects lasted for a number of weeks for a couple of us and majorly impacted on our day to day activities even when we were no longer positive.

I accidentally immigrated as a young person.

I flew > 4000 miles to see old friends & family this year. It was grueling & expensive to get there. That's the lens I hear this story thru. My aunts/cousins possibly didn't care if I tested + but my dad+stepmom would have refused to see me if I got a +covid.

Sounds like OP has a load of other issues to aggravate this situation, my folks would have been very sad & unhappy at least, to miss seeing me.

I hope OP makes up with her relatives.

There seem to be some rather extreme responses: at one end of the scale, assuming that if the OP were allowed into the garden, she would nag and guilt the parent into letting her into the house and into close contact; and at the other end of the scale, dismissing those who seek to avoid Covid as brainwashed selfish nutters.

To reiterate:

(1) The OP is U to complain specifically about being 'banned from Christmas'. Christmas celebrations are exactly the sort of occasion where illnesses can easily spread, and someone who knows they have Covid (or flu or Norovirus) should stay away from them, especially if people over 60 or otherwise vulnerable people will be attending.

(2) The parent was rude and selfish to show no concern over the OP's transport and accommodation, and not even bother to reply for three days or more. I suspect that there's a backstory, perhaps involving tensions between parents/ stepparents, which are being taken out on the OP.

I think if the OP had asked if she was U to be angry at her parent's lack of concern over her welfare after a long trip and potential illness, rather than over being 'banned from Christmas', she might have got more YANBU responses.

it does sound as though OP's parents are not in the UK

I had assumed that it was the OP who had moved abroad, and had come to visit her parents in the UK over Christmas; but yes, it could be that she'd moved to the UK from elsewhere. Whichever it is, no country is going to be thrilled by unnecessary spread of Covid, and that doesn't mean that they all want to impose lockdowns!

Covid is still making people really ill, I don't blame them for not wanting to risk it. You shouldn't be travelling after a positive test anyway, YABVVU

Not to be horrible. But yeah I think you’re being unfair. Just because you have no symptoms doesn’t mean others won’t be affected. It would have been incredibly selfish of you to go.

People are still weird over Covid. I live in Spain and at the start the Spanish were a bit crazy over it. They've calmed down now and if people have it they just carry on with life. My DP's aunt had it at Xmas and just wore a mask and we celebrated Xmas as normal. No one else caught it off her. I think your parents were unreasonable.

I do really feel for you OP.

I think you probably should have discussed the possibilities with your family before committing to the trip. Presumably if you'd known they would cancel in these circumstances, you would not have travelled to see them.

Covid is still around and people have different levels of caution about being exposed to it. My DP are in their 80s and fully vaccinated and less cautious than yours, especially in this situation where they would have been desperate to see me. But that's not to say your DP are wrong. It's just important to agree on plan A, B and C as covid will be around for a while.

Seriously most people don’t even test anymore so anyone could have it and not know. Think most people are being very harsh and not putting themselves in the OP’s shoes!!