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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that my family banned me from Christmas for having covid

768 replies

tantrumingcoldchild · 02/01/2023 02:42

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

OP posts:
TennisLBow · 02/01/2023 18:34

Almost wondering if this is a reverse🤔

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 02/01/2023 18:36

PositiveThoughtsWine · 02/01/2023 17:53

Yes @tantrumingcoldchild YABU.

I know you’re hurting because you can’t see your parent. It’s also great that you’re asymptomatic.

However, your parent may not be asymptomatic if they catch it. Your parent is obviously still very scared of the virus.

YABU because you’re only taking your feelings into consideration not the genuine fear of your parent. My Mum would invite me with open arms but my dad wouldn’t. It would be unreasonable for me to be angry with my Dad because his feelings are different to mine.

Would he also ignore you for 3 days, knowing you have covid and have a small child?

anotheruser173 · 02/01/2023 18:37

JohnPrescottsPyjamas · 02/01/2023 18:06

I never quite understand why you clearly believed without question everything the government told you about Covid at the time, but now they’re saying it’s ok and we have to live with it, they’re clearly lying and totally misguided. 🤔

Show quote history

I've been listening to the scientists all along. I'll trust experts over politicians anytime.

You may want to crack on and take risks when it comes to Covid, and that's fine. Some of the OP's family clearly don't, and that's also fine. Everyone's entitled to be as cautious as they like.

TennisLBow · 02/01/2023 18:37

I'd just love to know if the nice parent is OP's mum or dad.

Thank goodness you have one nice parent OP, I'd just focus on them in the future.

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 02/01/2023 18:42

I wonder how people would reply if it was the other way around.

If OP's parent traveled for miles to then be left stranded at the airport,no ride,no accommodation, no texts no nothing. Just an hour in the park offer after 3 days.

mummyh2016 · 02/01/2023 18:43

@ThisGirlNever she was in hospital on a shared ward so I don't think it would have been appropriate for me to have gone. Not only that but I didn't feel well enough to even get out of my dressing gown until the day before she passed - by this point she was being sedated so wouldn't have known I was there.

TennisLBow · 02/01/2023 18:52

This thread is like honey to the bees for those lockdown fanatics from 2 years ago. Super weird personality types. Funny enough, just when the government are suggesting we bring back masks and self isolation. Happy days.

StoneofDestiny · 02/01/2023 18:56

I see your point OP and it sounds like they handled very poorly. I think I would be aggrieved too actually. In your parents shoes I would have set you and grandchild up in a separate area of the house, wore a mask, spent lots of time together outdoors for a few days and told local guests to make other plans. I would NOT have just said "oh well, sort yourself out bye" and leave you at the airport then say nary a thing for 3 days. What a shit Christmas for you and your child I really feel for you

I agree - they could see the other relatives at any time. I've had Covid positive family at home previously and did exactly what the poster highlighted said. Not ideal, but all were safe.

Duchess379 · 02/01/2023 20:12

I'm vaccinated but if someone was coming to visit me with COVID, I'd tell them not to bother. You do realise the virus is still killing people & there's now a new variant?!

jenny38 · 02/01/2023 20:18

How unfortunate you got covid. Disappointing for all of you. But how would you feel if, against their judgement, they had proceed with your plans, then one of them became seriously unwell / long term health issues?

Honestly, if you have expressed your annoyance, I would suggest you apologise to them. One day you won't have parents anymore, don't ruin the time you have left over something that will not seem so huge, when you look back on it in years to come.

SirVixofVixHall · 02/01/2023 20:21

Thedaysthatremain · 02/01/2023 02:56

I wouldn't let anyone in my house with covid either

Same.
I have recently had Covid for the first time. I am vaccinated, and in my fifties. I have been really unwell and weeks later I still feel tired and have a chesty cough. I would not want to give Covid to my older family members, or anyone else.

OriginalUsername2 · 02/01/2023 20:32

It sounds absolutely gutting OP! It sounds like they were blasé about your experience coming all that way full of excitement, then having to miss out on Xmas, plus non of them checking in on you making sure you were okay and being disappointed you weren’t there. Not even checking you weren’t alone?! Dicks.

Life is too short for one-way relationships. It looks like your other parent is the one to focus on for Christmas in future!

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 02/01/2023 20:36

jenny38 · 02/01/2023 20:18

How unfortunate you got covid. Disappointing for all of you. But how would you feel if, against their judgement, they had proceed with your plans, then one of them became seriously unwell / long term health issues?

Honestly, if you have expressed your annoyance, I would suggest you apologise to them. One day you won't have parents anymore, don't ruin the time you have left over something that will not seem so huge, when you look back on it in years to come.

Well the parent has a history of making OP feel unloved and overlooked so maybe that's not really a loss?

lifeinthehills · 02/01/2023 21:04

Phos · 02/01/2023 09:45

I'd have seen you but it seems like a lot of people are still determined never to live normally again. Seeing my kid who lives so far away and who has made that kind of journey trumps the possibility that I might be off colour for a few days.

For some of us with vulnerable family members, 'living normally' is avoiding illness as far as possible. Not just Covid. Covid has just made it more intense and scary in the present. I've always had to explain to any new visitors that due to the vulnerable person in my household, please don't visit if you have the slightest doubt you are sick or coming down with something. That is my normal.

lifeinthehills · 02/01/2023 21:13

ichundich · 02/01/2023 10:39

Not being "mummy martyrs", just behaving like normal parents who would put their child before anything else, including themselves.

Show quote history

So what if one of your other children, who lives with you, could die because you aren't going to let anything stop you having your other child over? Are you going to protect the vulnerable one, even if it disappoints the one who has traveled, or are you going to risk the life of the other child because you wouldn't ever not see them?

lljkk · 02/01/2023 21:19

Sympathies, OP.
My family would have done exact same to me (refused to see me if I tested positive).
Is a huge reason why I won't test & would lie if they asked me to test.

lifeinthehills · 02/01/2023 21:19

But what do all this people do when someone in their household has covid?

Living with a vulnerable person, I can tell you how it works here. I am aware that sickness is going to happen, I just try to minimise it.

First I look at the positive test and think four letter words that I don't usually speak. Then I break out the masks and hand sanitiser and the sick person isolates as much as possible, putting on the masks if they have to come out. And I keep my fingers crossed that when the inevitable happens, it will be okay.

When the inevitable did happen and it got scary, I drove the family member to the hospital where they were admitted, given CT scans and other tests. I support them over the several months it takes them to regain strength.

Then I go back to doing my best to avoid a repeat for as long as possible, knowing that there will be a next time.

Hadtochangeforthisone · 02/01/2023 21:22

Have you read the news. ???

Our NHS is on its knees due to the number of COVID patients in hospital...

My darling step dad is in hospital with COVID at the moment. Not yet on a ventilator but struggling to breathe and have been warned he is on that way if he doesn't respond by tomorrow.

68 years old. Healthy. Fit. Active. Double vaccinated with two boosters.

Grow the fuck up OP.
Just because many (including myself) had it with barely a sniffle... doesn't mean it's not fucking dangerous and has NOT gone away.

Waste ££££ coming here or a dead relative.

Your choice

lljkk · 02/01/2023 21:27

70-something yo neighbour got home from long drive (alone) yesterday, she'd been to see her 96 yo dad who lives 200 miles away in a care home. Her car malfunctioned on the way back. She was widowed 13m ago, her late husband could fix anything & would have sorted the car. She only has the dogs for company at home now.

She left at 8am, arrived back at ~5pm, & looked exhausted. she came home early because... she tested +covid.

I told her I didn't care about covid and gave her a big hug. She needed that. Just fuck this self-isolation C19-avoidance shit. It can sod off to feckity feck.

I'm trying to coax DH to go around & look at one of the car issues. I'm not mechanical enough but DH might have some ideas.

Jenasaurus · 02/01/2023 21:28

Hadtochangeforthisone · 02/01/2023 21:22

Have you read the news. ???

Our NHS is on its knees due to the number of COVID patients in hospital...

My darling step dad is in hospital with COVID at the moment. Not yet on a ventilator but struggling to breathe and have been warned he is on that way if he doesn't respond by tomorrow.

68 years old. Healthy. Fit. Active. Double vaccinated with two boosters.

Grow the fuck up OP.
Just because many (including myself) had it with barely a sniffle... doesn't mean it's not fucking dangerous and has NOT gone away.

Waste ££££ coming here or a dead relative.

Your choice

I am so sorry to hear about you dad, I wish him a speedy recovery x

I have just been reading this on the BBC which supports what you are saying, both about Covid and also this years flu strain is particularly awful

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-64142614

lifeinthehills · 02/01/2023 21:30

@Hadtochangeforthisone I'm sorry to hear about your step-dad. I hope he will be okay.

Florenz · 02/01/2023 21:32

People need to get over the fear of COVID. Treat it like the flu.

lifeinthehills · 02/01/2023 21:33

Florenz · 02/01/2023 21:32

People need to get over the fear of COVID. Treat it like the flu.

I do. I avoid the flu too, which has also landed my vulnerable family member in hospital.

RandomUsername22 · 02/01/2023 21:34

YANB at all U OP. People have lost all sense of perspective or judgement, and sadly for some irreversibly. I’m sorry you had to go through this, and I don’t blame you if you just stop making the effort with your family.

Hillcrest2022 · 02/01/2023 21:35

If I were your parent I would have arranged transport from the airport for you and put you in a room away from the rest of the family... not a great Christmas experience but it is very contagious and why risk infecting everyone else.

I wouldn't end your relationship with them over this however..that seems like an overreaction.

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