To be angry that my family banned me from Christmas for having covid

[tantrumingcoldchild]

I flew 4000 miles to see my parents for Christmas. I unfortunately have to live in a different country from them.

I am asymptomatic but had to test due to being exposed to someone with COVID.

My parent was supposed to pick me up from the airport but decided not to after the positive test.

I see my parent once a year at most. They don't travel to see me. My parent and the rest of their family went ahead with the celebration but I was uninvited.

Fortunately, my other parent picked me up and let me stay with them (my parents are divorced)

They have agreed to meet me in a park tomorrow for an hour, which will be the extent of my time with them for the next year.

AIBU to consider this relationship basically over?

YABU
Both sets of my in-laws chose to spend Christmas Day alone rather than enter my house with a covid positive person. People were unlock down for a long time and covid can be unpleasant even if you are vaccinated.

Again, YABU.

So did they basically isolate from the world before the wedding or just from you?

If you were my child I would have seen you. Most people here are not testing and most people have had the dreadful cough, lurgy thing this year. I have an elderly friends who tested positive the day before Xmas. Her sons and DILs still welcomed her into their homes for Christmas as they didn’t want her to be on her own.

My son works in hotel hospitality and they get no sick pay if test positive. So no testing there.

its around us snd we have to live with it.

They isolated as much as they could. It was awful as I spent the day on my own. There was 2 week's between Christmas and the wedding anyway!

I think they sound awful OP. If they were really concerned about a virus which is absolutely everywhere and with which no one has to isolate anymore in the UK, They could have invited you to their porch or arranged to meet in a park for more than one hour.
How long were you in your home country? More than 5 days? Then they could have met you after that.
They have merrily been out and about unwittingly surrounding themselves with people some of whom will have Covid yet are very quick to write you off and not even contact you for 3 days after you arrived. Yeah. They don't show you love at all.

My dad has stage 4 cancer. I am MORE worried about covid because of this - he had it about 6 months ago and it delayed chemo but with antivirals he was OK, but we know he might not be so lucky if he gets it again, especially as his health had deteriorated. In Summer we can sit outside with him, not so easy now with the weather - he isn't up to going for a walk, and he feels the cold too much to just sit outside.

Exactly. I bet if their golden child had Covid, s/he would have been allowed to come for Christmas.

@tantrumingcoldchild I think there are 2 issues at play. The covid and the relationship with your parents.

Sadly with Covid some people are really ill still and the majority are fine. So I think there response in not seeing you is ok and fair enough.

But then the rest of it is really crap. There is clearly some history in that you feel let down and they are not a good parent. The other parents loves you and helped out so keep seeing them. This other one should have helped with suggestions to meet up/transport etc and checked in on you and offered to meet in the park daily. So I think the covid is an excuse and it’s the relationship that has gone. Put all your energy into your child and the relationship with the other parent who loves you and visits and don’t try and cling onto this one.

But try and separate the issues out when talking to them, they can reject seeing you due to covid but to not visit or talk at all si the issue and make it about that so they don’t use the covid to explain shit behaviour.

While I am vaccinated I wouldn't want to get Covid again, it was incredibly painful and it took me a long time to get over it. Having said that, to leave someone stranded at an airport, at Christmas, with nowhere to go, to make no effort to accommodate them safely or to find alternative accommodation and then not even pick up the phone to see how they are - that is pretty shit. I wouldn't be bothering to make a huge amount of effort to see them again. LC from now on, if you want, the odd duty call and that would be it.

To be honest, I don’t actually think anyone - including the experts - knows exactly how infectious covid is anyway and it’s just a best guess/erring on the side of caution.

My DD was an essential worker through the height of the pandemic from March 2020 and was directly exposed numerous times to infected individuals pre vaccine, never caught it. So much so that she eventually assumed she must just be resistant. Early January 2022 she tested positive after experiencing very mild symptoms and only detected because she had to test for her employment.

I tested positive in November 2021, also very mild and not vaccinated. The advice then was still to isolate within the household but DH said there was no point as we’d already shared a bed, spent hours next to each other in close proximity on the sofa, eaten from the same fork etc etc so it was highly likely he’d got it already. He didn’t test positive for another 5 weeks so clearly didn’t catch it from me despite it allegedly being highly contagious.

Literally luck of the draw.

What pisses me off is the fact that flu has just the same if not greater risk (due to fewer people being vaccinated against it), yet if OP's illness was called 'flu' and not 'covid', nobody would be saying anything.

this is why we can't have nice things.
Unfortunately we don't have tests for flu or warning apps or whatever. And there is such a thing as asymptmatic flu that you can pass on unknowingly. That is fine. It is what happens.
But if you had flu with symptoms (or a heavy cold, or any other virus) and you knew that and still went to people's houses? Shitty
Luckily (or not) we can test for Covid so we know if we have it. Since we don't generally know when and for how long we're infectious, and since it (like flu, incidentally) can be an absolutely debilitating illness, with no way of knowing before you catch it how you'll be affected - it makes sense if you know you have covid, to stay away from people.
It is shitty especially if it has been a difficlut, long and expensive trip.
However, from OPs posts it wasn't solely to see this parent, and they did see the other parent and other family members, so it wasn't entirely wasted. The other parent made a different judgement call.

Why do you have to live in another country?
and if your parent isn’t really interested in you anyway and hasn’t been why are you so bothered your other parent helped you. But my mother wouldn’t welcome me in with covid either sorry or any other virus or bug as she catches everything and is usually more unwell due to health condition, also in 60’s. Which I think is perfectly reasonable.

you’re expecting a lot from parent who lets you down continually and I would not go out of your way in future, your holiday time could’ve been spent saving a lot of money and having a nice time at home. Always FaceTime and then go on a nice holiday with the cash you save

There are effective and proven ways to reduce rge transmission risks such as masks, frequent airing, keeping 2m distance, sanitising surfaces, staying in separate rooms. Because they work so well, we had no flu season last year for example.

"Most people would test themselves before flying." Where is your evidence for this? Do you also take a Covid test each time you go into your office, on the train, to events at your child's school, to a restaurant? If not, why not? Because there is no difference.

Im with you OP
The disease is so endemic and society has been open for so long that unless they live like a complete hermit in normal life, never going into public then their argument doesn’t stand judgement and they could have seen you. They could have made accommodations to have you stay in a room or at a distance. They probably will go to the supermarket or garage the same day you fly home.

I would be very hurt and if my child I would have seen you some bloody way

It's particularly interesting how many people on this thread alone know someone who "is currently on a ventilator" with the UK total being just 175.

Yes, many would. I would not wish to be unnecessarily exposed to flu either, or to give it to other people, especially potentially vulnerable people. The difference is that you're less likely to know for sure that someone has (actual) flu than that they have Covid,

You won't get many agreeing with you on Mumsnet OP. Most people on here are still terrified of covid ffs

Your parent is an arsehole. Rid your life of them, that's what I have done.

Nonsense, I wouldn't let anyone with flu in my house either.

Im sure mumsnet is the only place left on earth people still care about covid. Honestly dont know anyone in real life still testing and panicking. Im 37 weeks pregnant and asked what would happen if my husband tested positive before birth. She explained that he would be allowed to birth and to stay 4 hours aftwe and then sent home until i was released. She said it was utterly ridiculous and something we needed to learn to live with but unfortunately there were still these protocols in place

And also as a PP has said, flu is less transmissible than Covid. Ordinary Covid precautions will probably prevent flu transmission, but may not prevent Covid transmission.

I think it's awful. They should have looked after you and perhaps given you a bedroom isolated with windows open. Wouldn't be ideal but not just abandon you

It reads like a lot of people here have forgotten about the devastating impact of Long Covid, which is worse than actual Covid.

I think there's an in between here that YANBU to have expected. Possibly plenty if middle aged parents wouldn't have been too happy to have you in close contact with them whilst infectious. However, I really don't think it's a normal reaction from your parents to not be profusely sympathetic, acknowledge how rubbish it is, to face time you as much as possible not just ignore you and to drop gifts and a Christmas dinner on your doorstep and/or arrange a second Christmas dinner when they're comfortable being around you. This is what makes them dicks IMO and if it's typical behaviour I'm not surprised you feel the way you do towards them. What confuses me too is you're presumably around for several days at least. Are they refusing to see you this entire time even though it might be the only time they see you for years/ever?! If this is the case they're bloody ridiculous and good riddance to them

All I am hearing is Me me me me me