He don't cook

[Generalstuff42023]

Me and the kids dad are not together. But we still see each other. He stays over some times we do family days out in the summer. Meals out as a family. Because its been Xmas and he's got a bit of extra time of work. He's stayed a bit longer than normal. Generally we get on.

But this is my AIBU. In the 8 years he has only ever cooked a family meal at Xmas time. (Apart from this year) Nothing through the year what so ever . When he stays a couple of nights. he will pay for take away which is nice. But I sort of feel cheated. Because I always have to cook. Yes I can choose to get a take away now and then. But my childish side is thinking he has it so easy.

Why don't you just ask him to cook?

Point out the ingredients in the fridge/cupboard (yes I know that's half the work but still...) and say "Your turn". If he can manage at Christmas he can manage at other times.

My dh would rather pay for a takeaway from his spending money than cook

He would just shut the fridge and get take away . Or sulk. But definitely not cook

What does he do when he has the children at his home? I suppose if he normally only eats takeaways he can just get that for them too, but I'd think it would get quite expensive over time!

I think my point is being it's more of the fact he gets the easy way out everytime .

His mum does everything

Why are you still seeing him?

Don’t waste more years on him. Find a grown up who doesn’t sulk and can cook.

Ugh nothing like a manbaby reliant on his mummy.

You're not together so I don't understand why you care whether he cooks or not?

Because I still cook for him when he stays. Basically I'm jealous that he gets the easy way out everytime .... but its also not like I can tie him to the cooker and force him to cook.

You can tell him that part of the arrangement of him staying over involves him cooking a couple of meals. If he won't cook then he doesn't they to stay.

You have power and agency here. Your power is that you can leave him.

You are choosing to stay with a lazy, incompetent, sulky boy. That’s on you.

So stop having him stay over. He doesn't need to. He can have the children at his house.

So don’t have him over?
I always cook. But DH does other jobs so it doesn’t bother me.

YABU got not using the 3rd person singular of "do" - It's "He doesn't cook."

I'm not really asking if I should/should nothing have him over . I do that because it works for my kids.

I suppose my AIBU should have been AIBU that he always he's the easy way out. And I'm jealous .

YABU . Not to stick to the subject. And not to bring in consideration of dyslexia or learning difficulties

His mum does everything

Yuk. You're his substitute mummy.

Just don't cook for him. Unless he washes up and cleans the kitchen, in which case you have the better deal.

Oh the delicious irony 😂

Oh the delicious irony

It's Muphrey's Law. If you passive aggressively correct someone's grammar, you will immediately make a mistake yourself.

Why enable him to treat you and DC in this way. You say he would just sulk etc if asked. I don't see why you need this arrangement that is loaded with passive aggressive behaviour. Do your own thing for a while and let him stay in his own home. Have fun getting your DC involved in cooking something they enjoy and leave him in his own place.

So what’s your AIBU? You don’t seem to want any advice.

My partner doesn’t cook, if it’s his turn or I ask him to then he buys a takeaway lol frustrating but he has many many other brilliant qualities

Pointless and grammatically incorrect comment. Unhelpful.