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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He don't cook

78 replies

Generalstuff42023 · 31/12/2022 19:41

Me and the kids dad are not together. But we still see each other. He stays over some times we do family days out in the summer. Meals out as a family. Because its been Xmas and he's got a bit of extra time of work. He's stayed a bit longer than normal. Generally we get on.

But this is my AIBU. In the 8 years he has only ever cooked a family meal at Xmas time. (Apart from this year) Nothing through the year what so ever . When he stays a couple of nights. he will pay for take away which is nice. But I sort of feel cheated. Because I always have to cook. Yes I can choose to get a take away now and then. But my childish side is thinking he has it so easy.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 31/12/2022 21:04

Send him home for his meals.

You have all of the power here OP. Don't cook for the daft twat.

Britinme · 31/12/2022 21:07

My husband doesn't cook either. If I don't feel like cooking, we either eat out or get a takeaway. On the other hand, he's 80 and he wasn't brought up the way younger men are. However, I actually like cooking and I like to have control of what we eat (it would be wall-to-wall pizza if he had his way), and he does a lot of other stuff that I don't like to do, like snowblowing and fixing things. It feels fair to me.

Wolfiefan · 31/12/2022 21:10

It works for your kids to have you be a skivvy to your ex? Ok.
You can choose to be resentful and pissed off or refuse to do it. He can eat elsewhere. Or he stays and mucks in.

Original poster
Generalstuff42023 · 31/12/2022 21:10

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/12/2022 20:55

His mum does everything

Yuk. You're his substitute mummy.

Just don't cook for him. Unless he washes up and cleans the kitchen, in which case you have the better deal.

🤣 that reminds me. When I do dinner. (Everyone) in the house has to wash their plate . When he's here he leaves his plate on the side with his left overs on . Even though Everyone else has washed their plate and the kitchen is tidy. So several times I have called him into the kitchen to do it. I can feel the child like sulk vibe. Anyway he washed his plate today with out being asked 🥇

OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 31/12/2022 21:14

Why don’t you just get rid of him properly if he annoys you so much? You are confusing the kids carrying on as you are.

Pumperthepumper · 31/12/2022 21:15

ichundich · 31/12/2022 20:48

YABU got not using the 3rd person singular of "do" - It's "He doesn't cook."

You’ve used capitals incorrectly. ‘It’s’ should not be capitalised in your sentence.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 31/12/2022 21:24

Generalstuff42023 · 31/12/2022 20:53

I'm not really asking if I should/should nothing have him over . I do that because it works for my kids.

I suppose my AIBU should have been AIBU that he always he's the easy way out. And I'm jealous .

Well, yes, YABU as there's a very obvious solution - don't have him over. You might think it works for your kids but it's not working for you - and I'd also argue that it's setting a very bad example for them, to be honest.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 31/12/2022 21:25

ichundich · 31/12/2022 20:48

YABU got not using the 3rd person singular of "do" - It's "He doesn't cook."

Maybe you should get your own spelling and grammar right before picking on someone else.

Survey99 · 31/12/2022 21:45

Me and the kids dad are not together. But we still see each other.

Soory, confused by this. Are you in a relationship and just not living together, or not in a relationship but he stays over in spare room?

Miajk · 31/12/2022 21:50

But why does it matter if he's happy to pay for the takeaway?

It's not the easy way out. He buys convenience but works to afford that.

I'd say it doesn't matter assuming the kids still eat something relatively healthy.

Beancounter1 · 31/12/2022 21:53

Yes of course he has it easy.
YANBU to be jealous - after all you don't have anyone in your life that you can just expect to cook for you and your kids, and clean up after you.

YABU if you expect him to change - why would he?
If you don't like this arrangement, then you can stop it.

ichundich · 31/12/2022 21:58

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/12/2022 20:59

Oh the delicious irony

It's Muphrey's Law. If you passive aggressively correct someone's grammar, you will immediately make a mistake yourself.

So true 😂! Why is there still no Edit button on MN?!

PenanceAdair · 31/12/2022 21:58

I don't see a problems there.

If he's happy to pay for a takeaway and you all enjoy the food, what matters is that you all eat.

If you don't want to cook, tell him and he can get takeaway instead. It becomes a problem if he insists that you cook.

TheGirlWhoTamedTheDragon · 31/12/2022 22:28

Because I still cook for him when he stays.

Whyare you doing this, or still seeing him, or letting him stay with you?

TheGirlWhoTamedTheDragon · 31/12/2022 22:29

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/12/2022 20:59

Oh the delicious irony

It's Muphrey's Law. If you passive aggressively correct someone's grammar, you will immediately make a mistake yourself.

Who? 🤣🤣

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/12/2022 22:41

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muphry%27s_law

TheGirlWhoTamedTheDragon · 31/12/2022 23:03

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/12/2022 22:41

I know: I was laughing at the spelling error, given the context of your post.

Pumperthepumper · 31/12/2022 23:06

TheGirlWhoTamedTheDragon · 31/12/2022 23:03

I know: I was laughing at the spelling error, given the context of your post.

Show quote history

No, it’s a play on Murphy’s law. It’s Muphrey’s law.

purpledalmation · 31/12/2022 23:10

You're the one letting him get away with it OP. Personally I'd enjoy the takeaway

Original poster
Generalstuff42023 · 01/01/2023 00:28

purpledalmation · 31/12/2022 23:10

You're the one letting him get away with it OP. Personally I'd enjoy the takeaway

Oh yeah of course I enjoy the take away . I'm just jealous that he always gets off easy.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 01/01/2023 00:38

So don’t let him!

Davros · 01/01/2023 00:40

I've been married over 30 years. I don't cook. I don't enjoy it and find it boring. DH and DD both enjoy cooking. I do just about everything else though

Isittimeformynapyet · 01/01/2023 00:49

ichundich · 31/12/2022 20:48

YABU got not using the 3rd person singular of "do" - It's "He doesn't cook."

It leaps out, don't it

Original poster
Generalstuff42023 · 01/01/2023 00:53

Wolfiefan · 01/01/2023 00:38

So don’t let him!

You can't force people to do stuff... but that does not mean I can't be pissed of about it.

The fact i have never been able to undo the mothers apron strings is why we are not propely Together. Everything is done for him and even if its not. He takes the easy way. Then gos to mummy and she waits on him.

Apart from that we do get on well generally but I could never ever have him live with me.
I don't fit neatly in a little box. Neither of us want the situation of sticking the kids in the car Every other weekend with a few passing words . That may work for others but not us. We still do nice days out etc.

But that does not mean I have ti like or can't moan or be jealous about how easy he gets it.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 01/01/2023 00:56

It it’s pointless to moan.
If you eat here you need to cook/tidy/wash up.
It isn’t hard and stops your kids see you being treated like a doormat.