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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

15 year old drinking in my house

110 replies

Wheelerdeeler · 30/12/2022 22:20

My family were here for a meal this evening. My brother and sil offered their 15 year old son a beer. He had 2.

I didn't say anything because it was a celebration for my parents so I didn't want to cause tension.

Would this bother you?

Yabu - not your son not your business

Yanbu - not on to encourage a 15 year old to drink in someone else's house

OP posts:
YoBeaches · 31/12/2022 12:08

@StephanieSuperpowers fair point. They could have let him get totally rat arsed and leave the aggrieved Aunt to deal with it.

The aggrieved aunt who said nothing and can't explain why it bothers her.

It's perfectly normal.

ISawFreeShips · 31/12/2022 12:13

Thank you for that @Focalpoint .

I was certainly surprised and judged a bit when DNephews started drinking as young teens but I just talk to my own kids separately and set different expectations. Saying no to peer pressure is a skill they need.

Nephews have always brought their own though. As PP said it may well feel different if they were drinking things I have bought.

The fact something's legal doesn't necessarily make it ok in someone else's house. Smoking, or bringing a dog in, or even relieving yourself in the living room I suppose, are all legal. But in this case I don't share the indignation you feel, I feel it's something I don't need to control.

BackBeatTheWord · 31/12/2022 12:14

I wouldn't assume that it was OK for a 15 year old to drink so wouldn't offer anything unless the parents explicitly asked. If the parents were fine with it one or two drinks with a meal wouldn't bother me in my home or elsewhere. It wouldn't affect me one way or the other - I'd consider this a parenting issue that wasn't really my business. If you do feel uncomfortable with in your home OP you're entitled to politely mention it to the parents but be aware it might mean they feel judged and less inclined to accept future invites.

IamnotSethRogan · 31/12/2022 12:15

I don't know why you think your consent is needed. Did everyone have to ask your permission before they had a drink or made any parenting decisions that were different to ones you would have made ?

Flamingogirl08 · 31/12/2022 12:18

Why would they need your consent? 😂

YoBeaches · 31/12/2022 12:23

Out of interest OP when would you have consented for them to have a beer in your house so the their parents permission and presence?

Rosebel · 31/12/2022 12:26

My 16 year old drinks sometimes, don't see an issue with her having a glass of wine with a meal when she wants
She doesn't ask every night or every week but she did have a couple of glasses Christmas day and that's fine.
I think she started drinking about a year ago and never had a problem with it.
Besides which it really isn't anything to do with you. It would be different if it was your son.

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 31/12/2022 12:29

Was it your beer they were offering? If so, then I do think it's a little bit rude to offer it to someone you may not have considered was drinking without checking with you first. If it was theirs, which they'd brought to your house, then I don't think they need to check.

You will need to negotiate this with your son, regardless- I assume you've got an age in mind where he will be allowed to drink from? If so, just say to him X is allowed to drink now, but we feel you shouldn't drink until 16/17/18 because...

If it really bothers you that much then say something to them. I don't think they're unreasonable, BTW, if you are hosting it's fine to say the alcohol is for the adults only.

Clymene · 31/12/2022 13:15

There are many factors at play @BabyOnBoard90. The age at which drinking is legal doesn't seem to be a huge factor though.

BabyOnBoard90 · 31/12/2022 13:20

Clymene · 31/12/2022 13:15

There are many factors at play @BabyOnBoard90. The age at which drinking is legal doesn't seem to be a huge factor though.

Early introduction to alcohol is distinct from legal drinking age - otherwise this thread wouldn't exist.

bigbluebus · 31/12/2022 13:26

Why does it need your consent? It's not illegal. The only reasons you'd have for getting annoyed are that either he got drunk and threw up on your carpet or that you had supplied all the alcohol and didn't factor in enough for him to be drinking (but presumably then his parents would have less anyway).

Rainallnight · 31/12/2022 13:27

Wheelerdeeler · 31/12/2022 10:50

I'm still shocked that so many of you are ok with this. My main gripe is that it was done in my house without my consent

I’m with you, OP, and I was going to start a thread along similar lines.

We hosted Christmas Day. SIL gave her 14 year old son a couple of glasses of Prosecco. Our DC are 6 and 4. I was really unhappy about it. He has recently had to be collected paralytic from a party so I don’t see the correlation between sensible drinking and drinking at home here.

yadaya · 31/12/2022 13:38

Why did they need your consent?

Original poster
Wheelerdeeler · 31/12/2022 13:39

Rainallnight · 31/12/2022 13:27

I’m with you, OP, and I was going to start a thread along similar lines.

We hosted Christmas Day. SIL gave her 14 year old son a couple of glasses of Prosecco. Our DC are 6 and 4. I was really unhappy about it. He has recently had to be collected paralytic from a party so I don’t see the correlation between sensible drinking and drinking at home here.

Show quote history

This lad will be the same. He's a wild one

OP posts:
yadaya · 31/12/2022 13:39

We hosted Christmas Day. SIL gave her 14 year old son a couple of glasses of Prosecco. Our DC are 6 and 4. I was really unhappy about it.

I don't understand what your children's ages have to do with your 14 year old nephew having a glass of Prosecco?

Original poster
Wheelerdeeler · 31/12/2022 13:40

yadaya · 31/12/2022 13:38

Why did they need your consent?

Because I'm not happy with a 15 year old drinking alcohol in my house

OP posts:
Rainallnight · 31/12/2022 13:41

yadaya · 31/12/2022 13:39

We hosted Christmas Day. SIL gave her 14 year old son a couple of glasses of Prosecco. Our DC are 6 and 4. I was really unhappy about it.

I don't understand what your children's ages have to do with your 14 year old nephew having a glass of Prosecco?

Because I was unhappy with my children seeing someone from their generation, who is still very young, drinking alcohol. It normalises very young drinking.

aquapp · 31/12/2022 13:42

I think you're being dramatic. I'd have no issue with this.

Hawkins001 · 31/12/2022 13:42

Wheelerdeeler · 31/12/2022 13:40

Because I'm not happy with a 15 year old drinking alcohol in my house

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But what's the difference between alcohol and a cuppa tea? With all due respect

Original poster
Wheelerdeeler · 31/12/2022 13:43

Hawkins001 · 31/12/2022 13:42

But what's the difference between alcohol and a cuppa tea? With all due respect

Show quote history

Come on? You can't seriously think a cup of tea & a beer are comparable

OP posts:
yadaya · 31/12/2022 13:43

Because I'm not happy with a 15 year old drinking alcohol in my house

But he was there with his parents. I really don't understand why you have a problem with this.

It was a couple of beers at a family meal.

yadaya · 31/12/2022 13:48

Because I was unhappy with my children seeing someone from their generation, who is still very young, drinking alcohol. It normalises very young drinking.

If you and your children don't know the difference between ages 4&6 and 14 then you have bigger problems!!

A 14 year old should be treated differently to a 6 year old!!

My 15 year old nephew had a couple of drinks at a family party, my 8 year old didn't even notice!

Hawkins001 · 31/12/2022 13:49

Wheelerdeeler · 31/12/2022 13:43

Come on? You can't seriously think a cup of tea & a beer are comparable

Show quote history

Both are legal, tea gives you a caffeine rush admittly not as much as coffee, and booze makes you tipsy both alter behaviour ,

Hawkins001 · 31/12/2022 13:51

And depending on the tolerance if the person when drinking the booze, it could also be compared with a can of monster drink as an example

CleoandRalf · 31/12/2022 13:51

YABU, such an odd post and an odd thing to get caught up over.