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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

15 year old drinking in my house

110 replies

Wheelerdeeler · 30/12/2022 22:20

My family were here for a meal this evening. My brother and sil offered their 15 year old son a beer. He had 2.

I didn't say anything because it was a celebration for my parents so I didn't want to cause tension.

Would this bother you?

Yabu - not your son not your business

Yanbu - not on to encourage a 15 year old to drink in someone else's house

OP posts:
kimchifix · 30/12/2022 23:36

But I wouldn't expect any of my kids to drink with a meal at someone else's house until they are 17/ 18 really and it would only be a question of turning it down if the hosts offered them one.

Neverhot · 30/12/2022 23:38

Absolutely fine at a family gathering. My son is 15 next week and I allowed him a few alcoholic drinks over Xmas. I've found that teens who are offered 1 or 2 drinks in situations like this are least likely to go and binge drink with their friends.

Runningfire · 30/12/2022 23:39

I don’t understand in any way how it would be inconsiderate for a 15 year old to have 2 beers in your house. What is the exact inconsideration?

RJnomore1 · 30/12/2022 23:40

Showing a 15 year old how to responsibly enjoy alcohol at a family celebration sounds ideal to me no?

OatFox · 30/12/2022 23:40

I think it's absolutely fine. If we teach teenagers how to drink responsibly they are far less likely to lie and binge drink later in life.

LouLou900 · 30/12/2022 23:45

Neverhot · 30/12/2022 23:38

Absolutely fine at a family gathering. My son is 15 next week and I allowed him a few alcoholic drinks over Xmas. I've found that teens who are offered 1 or 2 drinks in situations like this are least likely to go and binge drink with their friends.

⬆️ this. You are the exception, rather than the rule, OP. Being realistic, the majority of kids are experimenting with alcohol at this age. Much rather it be with parent(s) permission in this setting than in the park.

QueSyrahSyrah · 30/12/2022 23:49

OatFox · 30/12/2022 23:40

I think it's absolutely fine. If we teach teenagers how to drink responsibly they are far less likely to lie and binge drink later in life.

Exactly this. Better a teen who's curious about alcohol to learn about limits, effects and drinking responsibly while they're safe among family than going out naive the day they turn 18 and ending up in a dangerous situation.

We have teen nieces and they both had a couple of drinks Christmas Day. Prosecco for the older (17) and fruit cider for the younger (15). Neither went crazy because none of the adults around them modelled that as being acceptable.

thaegumathteth · 31/12/2022 00:00

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 30/12/2022 23:56

I'm not sure what this is supposed to support? It talks about heavy and sustained drinking in teenagers which 2 beers is not and also I'd argue a teen who hasn't had to hide their drinking may indulge less in heavy drinking as they age (and as the article says brain maturation continues until 25)

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 31/12/2022 00:05

My dsil lets her 15 year old DS have the odd cider. Can't see a problem with it

Cece92 · 31/12/2022 00:12

They weren't encouraging him they offered it to him and he said yes. I understand what your saying but he's 15 and with his parents. There's a lot worse he could be doing at 15. My cousin is 15 and her parents allow her a couple drinks on family gatherings. Not a big deal. I'd rather my DD was with me than crawling the streets at 15 drinking xxx

gogohmm · 31/12/2022 00:17

No, it's fine

BabyOnBoard90 · 31/12/2022 00:20

YANBU!

The UK has a huge drinking culture to the extent it even creates a burden on the NHS. Don't expect much support on this topic as many here will be drinkers.

But of course a 15 year old should not be given alcohol. That's common sense.

BonjourCrisette · 31/12/2022 00:20

I have a 16 year old. I would probably not offer her more than one drink tbh but I do offer her either a glass of wine or a bottle of beer on special occasions (nice meal out, Christmas, birthdays) and have done since about 6 months ago (when she was 15). I would rather she has the odd drink with us than sits and drinks vodka in the park like some people she knows. A drink or two on a special occasion with friends/family looks like healthy drinking behaviour to me and nothing to worry about. This is how I drink too, as an adult. A couple of drinks on a special occasion or occasionally at the weekend is really nothing to worry about. It's binge drinking to excess or every night drinking that is a problem.

NewNovember · 31/12/2022 01:15

@BabyOnBoard90 actualy I don't drink hardly ever I had half a glass of Buck's Fizz at Christmas this year. My two adult daughters have been allowed to drink at celebrations since they were 14 they had very small amounts like 1/2 a glass of fizz at weddings at 13. Consequently they do not binge drink and one is a drinks approx once every couple of months the other a sensible amount on nights out.
friends who have banned drinking were picking their dc up from parks paralectic.

BabyOnBoard90 · 31/12/2022 02:15

NewNovember · 31/12/2022 01:15

@BabyOnBoard90 actualy I don't drink hardly ever I had half a glass of Buck's Fizz at Christmas this year. My two adult daughters have been allowed to drink at celebrations since they were 14 they had very small amounts like 1/2 a glass of fizz at weddings at 13. Consequently they do not binge drink and one is a drinks approx once every couple of months the other a sensible amount on nights out.
friends who have banned drinking were picking their dc up from parks paralectic.

Are you justifying giving alcohol to a minor to me, a random person on the Internet, or yourself?

Regardless it doesn't sound any less ridiculous to me. Especially since there is overwhelming evidence that early exposure to alcohol gives rise to the risk of alcoholism. But do as you please.

Glitterybee · 31/12/2022 02:20

Fucking hell, 2 alcoholic drinks with a meal, whilst under the supervision of 2 parents and in the company of family?

Absolutely awful, you need to alert the police.

And the church too!

And social services….

Joking obviously! You are being VVVVVVV unreasonable

PinkSyCo · 31/12/2022 02:26

It’s not even illegal so why would it be any of your business?

matthancockscareer · 31/12/2022 02:27

Absolutely fine! I put a can of mojito in my dd15 stocking from Santa!
She thought it was great, not drank it yet though!
If it's made to be an issue then it will become one!

PinkSyCo · 31/12/2022 02:29

Dogsgottabone · 30/12/2022 22:29

I would have offered him one first!

Anyone over 14 at a family meal would be offered a drink.

You’re cool. 🙄
Seriously it is not your place to offer other people’s kids alcohol.

Shinyredbicycle · 31/12/2022 02:31

Does anyone have a link to any research that suggests that permitting younger teens to drink alcohol in moderation does lay the path for moderate adult drinking, or that prohibiting alcohol at this age encourages binge/excessive drinking in adulthood?

Genuinely curious, as among my obvs random survey of family and friends, there doesn' seem to be any correlation, more that some people have more of a 'taate' for alcohol than others.

ISawFreeShips · 31/12/2022 02:31

Not your circus, not your monkey. It's your brother's decision. If you expect him to respect your decisions and not feed your DC alcohol against your wishes later, respect his decisions now.

ISawFreeShips · 31/12/2022 02:36

Shinyredbicycle · 31/12/2022 02:31

Does anyone have a link to any research that suggests that permitting younger teens to drink alcohol in moderation does lay the path for moderate adult drinking, or that prohibiting alcohol at this age encourages binge/excessive drinking in adulthood?

Genuinely curious, as among my obvs random survey of family and friends, there doesn' seem to be any correlation, more that some people have more of a 'taate' for alcohol than others.

No, we had something from school to say this had been debunked and the evidence was now that less drinking results in... less drinking. But I don't have a reference to hand. I haven't checked the links already posted by PPs.

W0tnow · 31/12/2022 07:41

My kids have had sips of my drinks. But generally, for me it’s up there with vaping or smoking. I don’t allow, or buy the stuff. Nor would I facilitate them having the odd canister(?). Sure, they’ve tried it. I know they have. But I don’t supply it. And Yes, I know that the two are not exactly the same. It’s the best comparison I can think of.

Hawkins001 · 31/12/2022 09:53

@Wheelerdeeler I understand your perspectives.
must admit I never understand the attraction to booze, now a cuppa, that's a different story