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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to smack my mother in law

83 replies

yummymummyismyname · 30/12/2022 19:25

Joking obviously 🤣🤣

My MIL has been staying with us since the 18th and isn't leaving until Monday as she lives in the UK so it is a long way to come (we live abroad). Frankly, she has been nothing but difficult since the day she arrived (3 days early!) and has spent the entire time critiquing my parenting skills whilst not offering to help with anything, she has not even offered to cook one meal or help wash up in her whole time here and I am thoroughly sick of it. My DH is out at work most days as he's a doctor so it is left up to me to host her as i'm a SAHM and I am sick to the back teeth of her. Naturally, DH thinks she's amazing and can do no wrong as he is a proper mummy's boy but he does not hear the rude way in which she speaks to me. What should I do to address this as DH won't listen to me when I complain to him and I can't have this again.

Thanks x

OP posts:
Original poster
yummymummyismyname · 30/12/2022 19:26

(name changed in case outing!)

OP posts:
TangledWebofMincemeatDeception · 30/12/2022 19:26

Next time say no, it doesn’t work for me. If he asks why, tell him. And repeat.

Cherrysoup · 30/12/2022 19:27

She stays in a hotel next time or your Dh takes off the whole time she’s here and he hosts her. Have you actually told her to wind her neck in yet?

judaskween · 30/12/2022 19:27

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
yummymummyismyname · 30/12/2022 19:27

TangledWebofMincemeatDeception · 30/12/2022 19:26

Next time say no, it doesn’t work for me. If he asks why, tell him. And repeat.

I did try that this year as we had exactly the same situation last year and I said never again, but i ended up giving in as he wore me down. He's the only son but has two sisters who live in the same country as us, but we have the only grandchildren so she wants to spend the most time with us 😩

OP posts:
Original poster
yummymummyismyname · 30/12/2022 19:28

Cherrysoup · 30/12/2022 19:27

She stays in a hotel next time or your Dh takes off the whole time she’s here and he hosts her. Have you actually told her to wind her neck in yet?

I have told her a few times that I don't appreciate the comments but she doesn't give in

OP posts:
Original poster
yummymummyismyname · 30/12/2022 19:28

This reply has been deleted

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Tempting 🤣🤣

OP posts:
BMW6 · 30/12/2022 19:28

Tell him next time she comes to visit you will be going on holiday/ visiting your family or friends so you won't be there at all.

And do it.

She can visit him, no reason why you have to endure her as well.

MichelleScarn · 30/12/2022 19:29

Go out and leave her to babysit!

TangledWebofMincemeatDeception · 30/12/2022 19:29

Well if you gave in then that’s on you.

Don't put up with it.

ModeWeasel · 30/12/2022 19:29

YABU your title isn’t funny.

GlitteryShinyShit · 30/12/2022 19:30

BMW6 · 30/12/2022 19:28

Tell him next time she comes to visit you will be going on holiday/ visiting your family or friends so you won't be there at all.

And do it.

She can visit him, no reason why you have to endure her as well.

Difficult and unpleasant situation but....this ☝️.

Always4Brenner · 30/12/2022 19:30

I’d be tempted record her mouthing of at you tell her then play to your husband.

Original poster
yummymummyismyname · 30/12/2022 19:30

BMW6 · 30/12/2022 19:28

Tell him next time she comes to visit you will be going on holiday/ visiting your family or friends so you won't be there at all.

And do it.

She can visit him, no reason why you have to endure her as well.

He would throw up a huge fit if I even suggested doing that (may hVe a slight DH problem) and I don't want to cause unnecessary rifts in the family

OP posts:
Menopants · 30/12/2022 19:30

Tell her to go fuck herself

Hadtochangeforthisone · 30/12/2022 19:31

Record her on your phone and playback to DH...as no doubt she is sweetness and light when he's around. .. show him the real darling mummy.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 30/12/2022 19:31

Repeat parrot fashion things she said to you when dh gets home. Ask her if she is feeling OK if she says she didn't say them.

Original poster
yummymummyismyname · 30/12/2022 19:31

MichelleScarn · 30/12/2022 19:29

Go out and leave her to babysit!

She doesn't actually look after the dc when she's here and tends to just play with them for a few minutes and then walks off to critique me. The DC are 13, 7 and 4 so I am nervous about leaving her alone with the younger two

OP posts:
Original poster
yummymummyismyname · 30/12/2022 19:32

Hadtochangeforthisone · 30/12/2022 19:31

Record her on your phone and playback to DH...as no doubt she is sweetness and light when he's around. .. show him the real darling mummy.

I like this idea! Not sure if it's illegal....

OP posts:
MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 30/12/2022 19:33

I would tell him next time she comes he must have booked hoilday days from work for her whole stay.

Also I would be "popping out for milk" when he's home & let him deal with her.

TangledWebofMincemeatDeception · 30/12/2022 19:33

He can have his fit and his mummy can deal with it.

Original poster
yummymummyismyname · 30/12/2022 19:34

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 30/12/2022 19:33

I would tell him next time she comes he must have booked hoilday days from work for her whole stay.

Also I would be "popping out for milk" when he's home & let him deal with her.

Hé doesn't have enough holiday days unfortunately as she stays with us for such a long period 😩

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 30/12/2022 19:34

If you don't want to say anything about it or actually do anything about it like go away yourself/refuse to put her up, then you'll just have to get used to it and put up with it.
No other way really. Going around secretly recording her is ridiculous and game playing.

Just say no or accept it.

lkanbum · 30/12/2022 19:35

So make the stay shorter

BMW6 · 30/12/2022 19:36

So what if he "throws a huge fit"??

Who the fuck is he to make you endure the company of someone who so very obviously despises you?

You say you have a "slight" DH problem. No, you have a HUGE DH problem. Not only is hus mother bloody awful to you but he gets to insist that you stay and endure it?

Your child sees how you are treated and will take the cues for how they will behave as adults.

You really want to be the model for "total doormat" crack on as you are.