To want to smack my mother in law

[yummymummyismyname]

Joking obviously 🤣🤣

My MIL has been staying with us since the 18th and isn't leaving until Monday as she lives in the UK so it is a long way to come (we live abroad). Frankly, she has been nothing but difficult since the day she arrived (3 days early!) and has spent the entire time critiquing my parenting skills whilst not offering to help with anything, she has not even offered to cook one meal or help wash up in her whole time here and I am thoroughly sick of it. My DH is out at work most days as he's a doctor so it is left up to me to host her as i'm a SAHM and I am sick to the back teeth of her. Naturally, DH thinks she's amazing and can do no wrong as he is a proper mummy's boy but he does not hear the rude way in which she speaks to me. What should I do to address this as DH won't listen to me when I complain to him and I can't have this again.

Thanks x

How! She has to stay for the entire duration of a religious festival (8 days) and then wants to stay for my eldest DC's bday which is the end of december so it's very tricky

I'd record every interaction with her. And call her out politely every single time she says something unkind. Note all the comments over a single day. Sit her or him (or both) and say this is what you've said to me over the entire day, and its unacceptable to act like this to me in my own home and I won't put up with it, you are either civil or you stay elsewhere when you visit. If she denies it you have proof. Also this is very petty but I'd also start acting this to your husband, all the little snarky remarks she makes, make them right back at him so he can see how you feel.

It's not on OP having to host someone who can't even be polite

Accidentally Facebook live while she is there being nasty they you will have witnesses to her

"How! She has to stay for the entire duration of a religious festival (8 days) and then wants to stay for my eldest DC's bday which is the end of december so it's very tricky"

You are adult, it is your house too, just don't agree to it and stop being such a massive push over.

I am a massive pushover but nature ... definitely something I need to work on in 2023

Excellent problem solved 👍

Lost me with the title I’m afraid. Inappropriate, and I hope you don’t use that quote in front of your DCs. Maybe this is more about your DH being a ‘mummy’s boy’, which is irking you, and she’s not quite as bad as you’re saying?

Sorry @yummymummyismyname but this isn’t a MIL problem or a DH problem, this is a you problem. You understandably do not want your MIL to visit but you either do not have the back bone or do not dislike the visits enough to stop them happening. Why do you allow your DH to get his way by either pestering you or having a hissy fit? Why are you agreeing with him that his feelings matter more than yours? I’m sure this isn’t how you parent and you are able to impose boundaries. Definitely a you problem. But the upside to that is you have the power to change it.

Hopefully you'll get better at being assertive op. Coz this will all stop the very second you say no.

Make alternative plans. Take the kids to your family. Invite your family or friends over. She shouldn't get first dibs every year......
days out, lots of them.
Get in with your life! Play dates, coffee. Leave her behind.

So you saying "No" to her visit doesn't work,
You turning to DH for support doesn't work,
You leaving during her visit doesn't work,
She's there too long for DH to take leave,
She won't babysit,
and she won’t listen when you ask her to stop, so I'm at a loss as to what to suggest to be honest. Must be awful though.

Seriously, your DH sounds a tad bit controlling from what I've read....?

You've got to try some reverse psychology on her and DH. Tell them any future visit needs only be a few days as DM doesn't seem to enjoy herself when DH goes out to work.

Call her out on her remarks every single time. Don't be polite, just give her it with both barrels.

Why people put up with people being rude or passive aggressive in their own homes bewilders me.

Oooh, yes, this is good advice. "She seems so unhappy"; "She doesn't enjoy my company"; "I don't think it's fair on her - she needs to stay when you've got a few days off" etc.
God, I wish I had some MNers on call IRL.

This. I would have gone completely fucking ballistic long before now. You know, the kind of biblical dressing down that utterly shocks people to the core.

Could you insist that her holiday is split equally between you and her other children. And I would record what she says to you.

But you're playing the recording to your husband , not the Police or Courts , so I wouldn't personally worry too much about the legalities , if it's the push he needs to hear the truth.

The only problem you have is YOU. You are an absolute doormat. It really is ok if your precious husband and his useless mother get upset. Stand up for yourself, FFS

So you don’t want advice then? Just to vent? Which is fine but if you ask for advice people will give it which is a waste of time since you apparently can’t do ANYTHING.

Please do not let her speak to you like that. Do not talk to her if she chooses to speak to you badly. You deserve more.

Tell your DH that next year, your Dad - his FIL - is coming to stay for [3 weeks / however long MIL stays for]. You won’t be there, and he’ll need to be at home for the entire time to host and entertain him.

How does he feel about that?

He’s expecting you to do something he would never in a million years be prepared to do himself.

But - I can well imagine, as he is Mr Big Important Dr Man who brings in the €$£, while you’re ‘just’ a SAHM - what he wants goes, and to hell with what you want - and what’s more, you both full well know it. Am I right?

Many years ago my Mums parents turned up at our house just after my brother was born . I don't know if it was arranged or they just took it upon themselves .

Mum had a new baby , Dad was looking after the rest of us ( DSis and I) while working .
G/Parents did diddly to help , made more work , insisting on being waited on.

My Dad packed their bags , called a cab (from the phonebox) and threw them out .

#Go That Dad !

Sorry but I have to agree with this.

His mother, his problem. It's really concerning he doesn't take your feelings into account at all and you go along with it for fear of upsetting him. He doesn't seem bothered that you are upset?

She’s not the problem. You know that.

Please stick up for yourself, you don't need to put up with this. Start planning ways to avoid this happening again next year. If she turns up three days early I'd be booking her into a hotel, that is completely unreasonable.