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Original poster

AIBU to be uncomfortable with this? Dog related

87 replies

Doggiky · 30/12/2022 14:11

Fully prepared to be flamed be because I know dogs are a dangerous topic on here. I have dogs, I love dogs, I’ve always had dogs and DCs are both happy and comfortable with dogs.

DH’s best friend and DC’s godfather recently got a dog. This dog breed is one with a reputation for being dangerous and the dog weighs more than I do. I have nothing against the dog or its breed persé and my family actually had one when I was in my teens.

However, advice is very clear that this dog shouldn’t be owned by novice dog owners because they’re complex dogs and can be aggressive and difficult to control if they’re not looked after appropriately. On top of that, advice is very clear that you shouldn’t have a rescue of this breed as your first dog of this breed because they often struggle with rehoming due to the nature of the breed as a family/group oriented dog. This is the friend’s first dog and has been adopted from a shelter.

The Family Vets website says this breed are “not best suited to first-time owners”. PDSA says “they thrive in a home with someone who understands the breed” and “they are incredibly strong so shouldn’t be left unsupervised with children” and the breed “need an experienced owner”. Pet Place says this breed “may not be a good choice for first-time dog owners”. PetsMont says that, despite their reputation for aggression, “they are only aggressive under certain circumstances…if they are brought up in a home where they are mistreated or not introduced to early socialisation”.

I haven’t met the dog. They rescued the dog from a reputable shelter but it’s already come to light that there are a number of issues that they weren’t told about (nothing relating to aggression though) and they did consider returning the dog.

We’ve been told that the dog came from a family with children but no information on why it’s been rehomed. DH’s friend hasn’t had the dog around children before. DH wants to take our DCs over to his friends house to meet the dog and hang out, which I don’t feel comfortable with. The friend is very defensive of the dog and people’s assumptions that the dog could be aggressive so DH is concerned about offending him.

Am I being unreasonable to say DH can’t take them there until we know the dog is safe around children?

OP posts:
HomeAGnome · 30/12/2022 14:15

It's been rehomed for a reason, I wouldn't go round at all. Arrange to meet else where
The rescue centre has been totally irresponsible too

Cherrysoup · 30/12/2022 14:16

There’s no way I’d let my dc near a dog until I’d been round and spent time, plus never without me being present. Is it a breed that’s been in the news for killing someone recently?

ShirleyPhallus · 30/12/2022 14:18

YANBU

what breed is it?

TrentCrimm · 30/12/2022 14:23

It doesn't sound as if your friend has got completely used to the dog yet (and vice versa!) so it would be foolish to introduce your kids into the dogs new habitat before everything has settled down.

Causing a little bit of non-intentional offence is not comparable to the consequences of something going very wrong. Tell your DH that he needs to wait.

LilyAndTheKing · 30/12/2022 14:24

Our friends had to let their giant breed dog go for rehoming as they didn't feel comfortable leaving the dog alone for even a second around their young children (quite rightly so) The dog was very well behaved, they'd had him from a puppy but hadn't quite realised how big he'd grow (unfortunately for the dog)
This is my attempt at saying that rehoming is not always for a "negative" reason.

I'd ask your DH to not take your children to meet the new dog just yet, let DH meet the dog first and perhaps you could go as well.

EverybodyAgrees · 30/12/2022 14:27

Never ever let your kids near that dog, not ever. The friend's feelings matter a lot less than your children's lives and people need to know if they have a dog like this (assuming XL bully) that other (sensible!) people will want nothing to do with it. It's so stupid to have a dog that size and strength that an adult could have no hope of overpowering.

Show your husband the numerous news reports of these animals killing their owners and make sure he understands that his children should never be anywhere near it, not in a park or public place and certainly never in its home.

Grantanow · 30/12/2022 14:27

Steer clear.

Fenella123 · 30/12/2022 14:28

Tell DH you're happy to be the bad guy, but it's fair on nobody, not the kids, not the dog, not its new owners, to put it in a position where it might have to be put down or rehomed again. Let them settle in with the dog, train and socialise it, get a handle on its issues and resolve them.

You say they got it "recently". Let it have 4 or 6 quiet months to settle in first. Then see how you feel.

They wear seatbelts, right? Most of the time they're not needed. But OMG if things go wrong they can go VERY VERY wrong and you're glad you put it on. You're not dissing a friend's driving if you put your seatbelt on...

WhoWants2Know · 30/12/2022 14:29

Bringing kids into the dog's new home may be unsettling. Meeting on a walk or other neutral territory might be a better start

AwkwardPaws27 · 30/12/2022 14:29

Am I being unreasonable to say DH can’t take them there until we know the dog is safe around children?

YANBU - I love dogs, I have a dog & a young child myself, but would not be rushing your kids round to meet a new rescue dog who is still settling in - especially as they are showing some new / previously unknown behaviours.
Once they've had the dog for a few months, the dog has had time to decompress & the adults are aware of the dog's body language (& how it has reacted to kids from a distance out and about), then I'd allow them to meet.
In your shoes I'd probably try meeting on a walk rather than in the home as there's just more physical space if dog is unsure (or overexcited!).

B1993 · 30/12/2022 14:32

I've always been nervous around dogs (big or aggressive breeds in particular) and also wouldn't feel comfortable with this. I'm sure there are experienced dog owners on here who can give you more knowledgeable advice but I would definitely keep the kids at home until you have at least met it and are confident that it's safe (if you can ever be confident with dangerous breeds?!).

mindutopia · 30/12/2022 14:33

I’m a dog person, but NOPE absolutely not!

To make a comparison, I recently re-homed a rescue horse. I’m experienced with horses and he’s not my first/only horse. He’s not aggressive or dangerous as far as I can tell and he’s not a breed that is known for being aggressive, but is one can can be quite ‘hot’ or excitable.

I will not allow my own dc around him. Because I don’t know him or what he may have gone through before he came to me. He’s very large and even without meaning to be ‘aggressive’, if he was reactive to something a child did, he could very easily knock them over and injure them. I love my animals, but my children’s safety comes first.

Bigdamnheroes · 30/12/2022 14:34

I wouldn't have children interacting closely with it anyway tbh. I'd want it on a lead. The problem with large dogs is that they don't know they are large. Especially when young, it's very easy for them to hurt a small child by accident, even if only playing.

It's the equivalent of a toddler pulling your hair, they don't know it hurts but toddlers don't have claws or bite when playing. (Mostly!)

Christmasnero · 30/12/2022 14:34

I think what all those websites are saying is irrelevant
when I got our dog I looked in some places and saw it was territorial, other places said it was friendly, other places said it was very intelligent, other places said it was a simple dog, some said it was quiet and some said it was loud
a lot of it is nonsense.
I think there are things more likely in certain dogs for sure, but that doesn’t mean anything about that particular dog.

however, I would not have my children be the Guinea pigs, and I certainly wouldn’t have them be the Guinea pigs for someone who’s priority is their own feelings and ego about the dog, rather than my DCs safety. That’s the real red flag here.
i would still be reluctant but more open if it was a friend who’s judgement I trusted, who was ready to ‘see the worst’ in their dog to mitigate as much risk as possible, and who I wouldn’t feel pressured by to put my dc in danger for. But your friend seems more bothered about proving he’s made a good decision on this dog

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 30/12/2022 14:38

No fucking way would I take my kids around it. He can test the dog out on someone else’s kids and take the consequences. From what you’ve said already it sounds like he has been irresponsible choosing this breed as his first pet, so I would have confidence in him in other aspects of his dog management.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 30/12/2022 14:38

No rescue ddog of any breed should be around unknown dc in the early stages of rehoming...
We had a Rottweiler for a decade. Also have a powerful breed now. Nobody's dc unless well known to our ddogs are around them even with us there.

Meggymoo777 · 30/12/2022 14:39

No, you're NBU. I have and love dogs, my family have always kept Staffordshires who unfortunately are also 'known' as somewhat of a status dog and can be dangerous in the wrong home. We got our latest girl from a shelter 2.5 years ago, she's an absolute ball of love and fun but we still don't allow her alone in a room for a second with my soon to be 13yr old. As PP said, not fair on your children or the dog to be put in a position where something could happen, especially when the new owners can hardly know the dogs temperament | triggers etc at this stage.
Your DHs friend's feeling are not more important than your childrens safety. Be the bad guy

Palmfrond · 30/12/2022 14:41

The rescue center can’t be that reputable if they’re rehoming this breed with first time dog owners.
But to answer @Doggiky ‘s question, this fog and your kids , fuck no. And tbh that’s in part because owners who are so defensive of their dogs honour are being dickheads so the general prognosis is not good. I have dogs. I do not expect parents of children to be comfortable with their kids being around them, and am happy to put them away if visitors to my home so wish. They are dogs. They are not easily offended.

Merryoldgoat · 30/12/2022 14:44

I wouldn’t take my children to a home with a Rottweiler.

I’m not at all concerned about offending dog owners and neither should you be.

FairyMarie · 30/12/2022 14:47

Listen to your gut

Clarklette85 · 30/12/2022 14:47

Absolutely not. I am a dog person and have a rescue of my own, but there is no way id put my children in that situation.

TheAngryFeminist · 30/12/2022 14:50

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Blanketpolicy · 30/12/2022 14:51

There is absolutely no way I would have my dc in the same home as a rescue Rottweiler until I personally felt conformable around it (which would take months/years).

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 30/12/2022 14:53

Kids have flu/vomiting bug/ diarrhoea on this occasion. Let DH suss out the dog first. But I'd be very wary.
Some friends have bought a very large dog as a puppy with the potential to cause serious harm jf not trained well. They've called in a professional dog trainer after a year as despite their best training efforts they can't be sure of him around strangers especially visiting their house.

dustofneptune · 30/12/2022 14:56

No. The general advice is that it takes about three months for a rescue dog to settle into a new home - has it been that long yet? If not, I'd be waiting until at least that time, probably twice as long.

Our dog is a Cocker Spaniel, had never been around kids before. He had some behavioural issues (reactive, anxious), and we didn't introduce him to any kids in the family for over a year. When we did, it was under really controlled circumstances, and he'd met the parents of the kids many times and trusted them (i.e. less stressful than meeting a whole new set of strangers, including kids). Because our dog is fear-reactive, we don't let him around kids at all, except for my niece and nephew - and he's never left alone with them, and they know to give him space (and they're older kids - 10 and 16 now). It's not worth the risk.

The dog you're talking about sounds bigger and potentially more damage-causing if things were to go wrong. I think your DH's best friend probably thinks the same thing most people do (including us) when they adopt a dog - aw, he's a big softie, no need to worry. But what we found with our dog is that it honestly took a good year to really fully understand his triggers and behaviours, boundaries, limits, etc. I'm not sure you can ever fully predict a dog's behaviour 100%.

In your shoes, I would ask that the dog has 6-12 months to settle in first before meeting the kids, if ever. I understand the perspectives of DH and his best friend, but for me it would be too risky.