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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be uncomfortable with this? Dog related

87 replies

Doggiky · 30/12/2022 14:11

Fully prepared to be flamed be because I know dogs are a dangerous topic on here. I have dogs, I love dogs, I’ve always had dogs and DCs are both happy and comfortable with dogs.

DH’s best friend and DC’s godfather recently got a dog. This dog breed is one with a reputation for being dangerous and the dog weighs more than I do. I have nothing against the dog or its breed persé and my family actually had one when I was in my teens.

However, advice is very clear that this dog shouldn’t be owned by novice dog owners because they’re complex dogs and can be aggressive and difficult to control if they’re not looked after appropriately. On top of that, advice is very clear that you shouldn’t have a rescue of this breed as your first dog of this breed because they often struggle with rehoming due to the nature of the breed as a family/group oriented dog. This is the friend’s first dog and has been adopted from a shelter.

The Family Vets website says this breed are “not best suited to first-time owners”. PDSA says “they thrive in a home with someone who understands the breed” and “they are incredibly strong so shouldn’t be left unsupervised with children” and the breed “need an experienced owner”. Pet Place says this breed “may not be a good choice for first-time dog owners”. PetsMont says that, despite their reputation for aggression, “they are only aggressive under certain circumstances…if they are brought up in a home where they are mistreated or not introduced to early socialisation”.

I haven’t met the dog. They rescued the dog from a reputable shelter but it’s already come to light that there are a number of issues that they weren’t told about (nothing relating to aggression though) and they did consider returning the dog.

We’ve been told that the dog came from a family with children but no information on why it’s been rehomed. DH’s friend hasn’t had the dog around children before. DH wants to take our DCs over to his friends house to meet the dog and hang out, which I don’t feel comfortable with. The friend is very defensive of the dog and people’s assumptions that the dog could be aggressive so DH is concerned about offending him.

Am I being unreasonable to say DH can’t take them there until we know the dog is safe around children?

OP posts:
Hooverthestairs · 30/12/2022 14:57

I got a dog "not suited to first time owners" as my first dog and now I'm a clinical animal behaviourist. The Internet isn't the be all and end all, it really depends what type of care this family are going to give to this dog, and how much they are going to educate themselves on dog behaviour, body language, etc.

What breed? What you've described could be countless.
Where did they rehome the dog from?

But no, I wouldn't let my children the home of any dog I hadn't met before regardless of breed. First meets with children our and about, supervised visits to the home until I was comfortable.

dustofneptune · 30/12/2022 14:57

^^ Meant to say, our Cocker hadn't been around kids before we adopted him (got him at 8 months old, with behavioural issues)

Survey99 · 30/12/2022 14:57

DH wants to take our DCs over to his friends house to meet the dog and hang out, which I don’t feel comfortable with. The friend is very defensive of the dog and people’s assumptions that the dog could be aggressive so DH is concerned about offending him.

Your dh is seriously a fucking muppet to even consider his friends feelings over a very real risk to his dc's safety.

ohidoliketobe · 30/12/2022 14:58

My kids wouldn't be going to a home which has recently acquired a rescue of any breed. They need space to settle and for the owner and dog to fully build trust without over excitable children coming into their territory.
As PP has said a more neutral location like meeting for a walk would be a much better idea.
I would also have concerns wrt breed and novice owner.

Theunamedcat · 30/12/2022 15:03

Umm no I wouldn't risk my child on an untested unproven dog (or anyone else's child just to be clear)

LunchBoxPolice · 30/12/2022 15:04

Sounds like a recipe for disaster, you’re right to keep your kids away from it

Mirabai · 30/12/2022 15:05

It’s an XL Bully isn’t it? Even if not it’s still a hell no.

Floralnomad · 30/12/2022 15:06

Why are you being so cryptic about the breed , it’s hardly outing .

AlwaysLatte · 30/12/2022 15:09

What breed is it? It's not a revealing detail. In any case your instincts as a mum are powerful, and I'd stand by those. The children can see their godparent at your house.

Unananana · 30/12/2022 15:10

Its going to be a Bully XL. The traits you are describing are that breed to a T.

If its been rehomed from a rescue centre, there is a high chance it was given up for being a handful. Probably by another idiot like your DHs friend. Is he one for wanting a 'tough man' symbol because thats what this dog symbolises more like utter twat.

You are correct not letting your DC near it.

SunshineAndFizz · 30/12/2022 15:13

Who cares if the friend is offended.

That's not your priority. Your kids are.

Imagine if something happened and you'd allowed it because you were worried the friend might be miffed.

VickyEadieofThigh · 30/12/2022 15:14

We currently have our third successive (i.e. one at a time!) rescue dog; each has been a bullbreed/staffy.

It takes most dogs six full months to feel fully settled in a new home if they come from rescue and we have seen in each of ours that this is definitely the case in terms of them feeling relaxed when strangers come into the house.

When a friend visits - and we never have children visiting - we have a set routine. The friend is welcomed with dog in a different room; friend sits in a designated place and dog is brought in on harness and lead. Friend drops treats one at a time for dog.

That's it. We do not allow friends to put their hands on the dog on first meet. We did this even with our previous rescue, a Staffy who loved all humans without reservation.

I would not take children to visit this dog. Full stop.

whatisthisinmyburger · 30/12/2022 15:14

Absolutely no way, I’d flat out make this clear with DH now that it isn’t happening. DH’s friend doesn’t even know what this dog is like yet!

Personally I’d avoid absolutely anyone who has a dangerous dog breed, almost always it’s a certain type of people who get them to begin with and want them due to their dangerous nature and encourage it. Not saying your DH’s friend is that type of person (I don’t get that impression from your post, more naive) but I’d imagine the original owners are.

Maybe a different story if he’s had it for a year already and everyone can make a more informed decision on whether it’s safe for the DC - but tbh, is it necessary? I would always prioritise myself/DC etc being safe and unharmed rather than meeting a potentially dangerous dog for the sake of it.

VickyEadieofThigh · 30/12/2022 15:15

Just to add: I wouldn't go near an XL Bully myself, much less adopt one.

Original poster
Doggiky · 30/12/2022 15:21

Thanks everyone - it won’t be happening. It’s not an XL bully. DH and I were both very surprised that his friend (and his wife) chose this breed - I know they were waiting to adopt for a while and maybe they weren’t given much of a choice on the dog.

OP posts:
whatisthisinmyburger · 30/12/2022 15:21

VickyEadieofThigh · 30/12/2022 15:15

Just to add: I wouldn't go near an XL Bully myself, much less adopt one.

This is what I assumed too. I know (only of, thankfully) a family who breed these. Two of the family members are drug dealers in and out of prison for violent assault etc quite regularly and as you can imagine, they sell the puppies on to very like minded people.

Merryoldgoat · 30/12/2022 15:24

It’s a Rottweiler - if you Google the descriptions OP posted that’s what comes up.

takealettermsjones · 30/12/2022 15:25

You'd be ridiculous to put a friend's feelings over your children's safety 🤷🏻‍♀️

VickyEadieofThigh · 30/12/2022 15:30

Merryoldgoat · 30/12/2022 15:24

It’s a Rottweiler - if you Google the descriptions OP posted that’s what comes up.

I've known gentle, soft-as-boiled-turnip Rotties.

I was also bitten by one as I walked down the street - it lunged across at me and seized my hand in its mouth.

SuperPup86 · 30/12/2022 15:42

The friend is very defensive of the dog

It could be a chihuahua and this would ring massive alarm bells for me too.

I have a relative like this - always adopts her dogs (which is great) and bonds instantly with them. A week in though and she's acting as if she's had the dog for years and treating it as such, making all kinds of assertions about it's personality and how 'she would never run away from me off lead' or 'ah she'd never dream of nipping you' or whatever. Totally placing 100% trust into a dog she barely knows and being incredibly offended at the merest suggestion of a different or more careful approach.

This type of owner is incredibly dangerous.

Smellywellyhoo · 30/12/2022 15:45

@SuperPup86 a chihuahua can do a lot less damage than a Rottweiler. Highly unlikely to kill a child.

LlynTegid · 30/12/2022 15:47

Glad to read of the decision you have made.

DachshundsThroughTheSnow · 30/12/2022 15:49

It could be the nicest natured large breed dog in the world; but if dc had a piece of food it wanted, sat in its spot or it just woke up feeling unwell it has the potential to kill. And for that reason it wouldn’t be near my children…

SuperPup86 · 30/12/2022 15:55

@SuperPup86 a chihuahua can do a lot less damage than a Rottweiler. Highly unlikely to kill a child

Well yes, obviously.

My point through is that regardless of breed, there's a certain type of owner that makes me avoid their dogs like the plague. The ones who get incredibly defensive of their dogs and trust them inappropriate amounts. Even a chihuahua could take an eye out.

kimchifix · 30/12/2022 15:58

Good decision / even if the dog isn't normally aggressive you never know and any feelings of anxiety you may have had could quite possibly have been picked up by dog - mine are nervous of hesitant / nervous people 🤷🏻‍♀️