AIBU to be uncomfortable with this? Dog related

[Doggiky]

Fully prepared to be flamed be because I know dogs are a dangerous topic on here. I have dogs, I love dogs, I’ve always had dogs and DCs are both happy and comfortable with dogs.

DH’s best friend and DC’s godfather recently got a dog. This dog breed is one with a reputation for being dangerous and the dog weighs more than I do. I have nothing against the dog or its breed persé and my family actually had one when I was in my teens.

However, advice is very clear that this dog shouldn’t be owned by novice dog owners because they’re complex dogs and can be aggressive and difficult to control if they’re not looked after appropriately. On top of that, advice is very clear that you shouldn’t have a rescue of this breed as your first dog of this breed because they often struggle with rehoming due to the nature of the breed as a family/group oriented dog. This is the friend’s first dog and has been adopted from a shelter.

The Family Vets website says this breed are “not best suited to first-time owners”. PDSA says “they thrive in a home with someone who understands the breed” and “they are incredibly strong so shouldn’t be left unsupervised with children” and the breed “need an experienced owner”. Pet Place says this breed “may not be a good choice for first-time dog owners”. PetsMont says that, despite their reputation for aggression, “they are only aggressive under certain circumstances…if they are brought up in a home where they are mistreated or not introduced to early socialisation”.

I haven’t met the dog. They rescued the dog from a reputable shelter but it’s already come to light that there are a number of issues that they weren’t told about (nothing relating to aggression though) and they did consider returning the dog.

We’ve been told that the dog came from a family with children but no information on why it’s been rehomed. DH’s friend hasn’t had the dog around children before. DH wants to take our DCs over to his friends house to meet the dog and hang out, which I don’t feel comfortable with. The friend is very defensive of the dog and people’s assumptions that the dog could be aggressive so DH is concerned about offending him.

Am I being unreasonable to say DH can’t take them there until we know the dog is safe around children?

The anti bull breed brigade are here, not an xl bully so let's assume it's a rottweiler.

Fwiw the traits the OP has described could apply to:

An akita
A husky
A doberman
A German shepherd
A Belgian malinois
A collie
A standard poodle
A great pyrenese
A sharpei
A cane corso
An english mastiff
A Romanian raven mountain dog

The only thing that might not apply yo all of these is the reputation that you've mentioned, although IMO that depends where you're from.

Ultimately when it comes to this sort of thing, it also depends on the owners.

I know people that own complex dogs but work in the field of dog behaviour, and for that reason I am more trusting of that situation.
A family member owns a "soft" breed but they push his tolerance day in, day out with very little understanding of his feelings or how his health could impact his behaviour, they're not able to read his body language. So my child does not set foot in their home.

Just to add more food for thought.

But my answer of "no" doesn't change, you need to establish how you feel about the dog first and the dynamics.

I love dogs and until recently had a GSD so I'm perfectly comfortable around big dogs and GSDs had a shocking reputation at one point so I'm not someone who demonises a whole breed because of the actions of dogs that frankly are usually owned by people who shouldn't be left in charge of a hamster.
No way would my children be going near that dog until I had been around it and seen it's temperament and its owners ability to control it for myself. I really couldn't care less about offending someone if the alternative is putting my children into a situation I'm not happy with.
If your husbands friend is that protective of the dog then he should understand you being protective of your children.

This poster sums it up perfectly. Not offending a friend over a dog he doesn't know and can't trust should never outweigh the safety of your children.

If the shelter knew of the issues and didn't tell the new owners isn't that unlawful in some way?

@Hooverthestairs

No idea what the breed is in this case but not a collie, collies are pretty light as under that hair they are more whippets shaped, mine is 21kg but he is complex for sure, no danger to children but thinks white vans are evil and need attacking!

I'd be very annoyed with the friend if he won't gracefully accept that not everyone will be comfortable with his dog. He may just have to continue to be offended.

If a friend was worried about being around my dogs, I'd obviously accept that and meet them elsewhere (or put the dogs in their crates during any visits). I might privately roll my eyes at what I'd consider an excess of caution, but I'd try not to take it personally, and this is with a breed that isn't known for aggression. With a potentially dangerous breed, it's not worth the risk to your child.

I have got 3 Rottweilers, and they are big powerful dogs even when they are being friendly. Mine are never loose in the house if anyone is visiting. They would only want to play, but that can be intimidating if you are not used to them.
I would certainly not be taking my child round to a house with an unknown dog of that size.

There's no fucking way I would let DH take the kids there. Your DH is not thinking rationally.

Outline it in blunt terms,op.

"DH, I will choose to argue over this because I care more about keeping our DC safe than avoiding conflict with you. Or your friend's feelings. I choose our DC's safety first."

It's as simple as that.

*Smellywellyhoo ·

A chihuahua can do a lot less damage than a Rottweiler. Highly unlikely to kill a child

A Jack Russell killed a baby in Sunderland, two years ago.

@Doggiky Absolutely a recipe for disaster .
What in heck was the rescue centre thinking of letting a large, strong dog known to be an aggressive breed be “ Adopted” by a novice owner?
It’s mind bogglingly irresponsible.

Absolutely no way would I let children be around that dog.

And I say that as a dog owner. ( Of a well trained, well mannered dog).

Clearly the rescue place isn't reputable if they've let this guy adopt it. Doesn't sound suitable at all and no I wouldn't go round, and I'd make it clear why.

People shouldn't own these dogs, they're dangerous.

Your DH wants to use your DC to prove his friendship. That’s not their job.

No way in hell would I or my children go anywhere near that dog. YANBU.

No, not in a million years. Fuck the friend and his feelings, if he doesn't like it so what.
Your children's safety is so so much more important.

They rescued the dog from a reputable shelter

No they didn't. A reputable shelter/rescue wouldn't have rehomed a dog with complex needs to a novice.

Why on earth can't you just tell us the breed?

How could they not have realised how big it was going to get!! ffs did they do zero research into what they were buying!!??

I am mad about dogs.

I have a puppy Cockerpoo and wouldn't leave him alone with kids.

My theory is you just never, ever know until it's too late, then heartbreaking decisions have to be made that were completely avoidable.

I have a friend with a Jack Russell I've walked who is not allowed to be around children as the dog is a rescue and has an unknown past. He is reactive to random things.

So my DD has never met him even though she is with another small dog regularly and has met bigger dogs.

DH was always on high alert when our DC was smaller and their friends came over, around our much smaller than average, submissive female Labrador.

This is about being an absolute entry-level, bare minimum, responsible dog owner with even just the most basic level of cop on.

The OP’s DH’s friend clearly has no interest in doing the right thing - which is protecting his dog, and protecting vulnerable people around his dog. There is no defending that.

No idea what the breed is in this case but not a collie, collies are pretty light as under that hair they are more whippets shaped, mine is 21kg but he is complex for sure, no danger to children but thinks white vans are evil and need attacking

Many are fine but I've also assessed many collies who would not be safe to live with children to to behaviour.
They are suited to first time owners, need experienced homes, as the OP mentioned in.

21kg would over power some people but they're certainly not a large breed.

Nothing against collies, just letting everyone that started screaming xl bully/rottweiler know that the traits described by the OP fit a huge variety of breeds.

The OP’s DH’s friend clearly has no interest in doing the right thing - which is protecting his dog, and protecting vulnerable people around his dog. There is no defending that.

Totally agree, in my other posts I've mentioned the human involved is just as important as the dog. A person who has taken the time to become dog savvy, understand their dogs needs, and accept potential risks - putting in place management to prevent them (and by risks I mean anything as innocent as a big friendly dog being a bit much for somebody) could be trusted more than somebody who couldn't give two shits but owns a small, 'soft' breed.

I've posted a few times and that was directed at people possibly incorrectly assuming breed.

Well the dog might be fine but what if it’s not?
Unknown history, large and powerful, some unwanted behaviours beginning to show, inexperienced owner, dog not yet settled in new home all sound a recipe for potential problems.
IF the dog reacts badly to anyone: but especially a child, the consequences could be devastating .
Dog owner/lover here, Staffie owner, had a few big dogs in my life but absolutely no way would I allow my kids around this dog for a minimum of aaages! And my (grown up)kids have grown up with dogs and been taught to be respectful of them.

@Hooverthestairs

I appreciate your perspective. I have nothing against the breed at all - it’s the combination of a potentially dangerous breed, a dog with an unknown background and an inexperienced and careless owner that seems like a recipe for disaster. I think people are assuming an XL Bully or Rottie based on the size - and some obviously googled the quotes too.

You are spot on there.
I had never owned a dog before, and went to RSPCA to look for a “ Rescue “ dog.
The Manageress suggested a tiny skeletal approx 12 weeks old Traveller puppy- Quite different to what I was imagining.

I was. 🤔 but she said “ I think she would suit you as a first time owner”

Manager was right!
A wonderful Collie x Lurcher who was a total soulmate- but also taught me a LOT.
And I made mistakes.

A big powerful dog with a novice owner- Insanity.