Teen strop this morning - Am I being unfair?

[leyla1985]

Teen DD 16 wants to go and see her friend today as they are doing a secret Santa gift exchange. Friend lives 30 mins drive away, so 1 hour round trip if I take her.

She has the option to get the bus, she doesn't want to. I've said I'm happy to do one journey but don't want to do both, ie I'll take her but not doing pick up (or vice versa). She's upset and annoyed with me, asking why I can't pick her up later.

The options I've presented to her are:

1. I'll take you there and you get the bus home later
2. Get the bus there and I'll collect you later
3. I'll take you there and you can wait for DH to finish work later (9pm) and he will collect you (he works nearby to friends house)
4. Stay overnight at friend's (has been offered by friend).

She's rejected all of those. She wants me to take her this afternoon around 2pm and collect** her a couple hours later around 5pm. She says 9pm is too late for DH to bring her home, she doesn't want to get the bus, and doesn't want to stay overnight.

AIBU to not do both trips? That's 2 hrs out of my day when she could just as easily do one of the other 4 options. Is she being stroppy and unreasonable here or am I mean? 🤷‍♀️

You have been more than generous with your offers.

Stick to your guns.

No, she makes one trip herself.

You are not being unreasonable. I would just tell her those are the options like it or lump it.

Stand firm! She has various options open to her. Your time and effort are not hers to exploit unless you allow it

She has choices she picks one end of discussion

But unreasonable at all. She has plenty of options.

thanks all. She has a way of convincing me I'm an unfair mean mum so just need reality check sometimes!

Yabu!!!!!

Could you explain how please?

Stay strong you’d be well within your rights to say get the bus both ways

Tell her if she’s going to be such an ungrateful entitled little brat, then she can make her own way there and back.

More than generous. My Dd is 14 and gets about by herself unless it’s late in the evening. Mind you we live in London, albeit outer.

When I was a teen I loathed the fact I had to ask my parents for lifts as we lived in the countryside. It’s so much nicer to be independent!

We are semi rural rather than city based, but buses run back and forth frequently, so it's not an issue. She's used them several times. She just doesn't want to.

If it's a 30 minutes drive door to door how long would it take by bus? Staying until 9 at the friend's house might be unreasonable depending on if there are younger children and their plans for tomorrow. I don't know that there is enough info to say whether you are being unreasonable or not.

Probably 45-50 mins by bus. But she's done it plenty before.

Friend has offered her to stay overnight (presumably has parents' agreement for that!) so I don't think being collected at 9pm would be an issue from their family's point of view.

By 5pm it will be cold and dark. Much too cold and dark to be waiting for a bus on her own. So much nicer to have Mummy at hand to be her chauffeur. She’s had this plan fixed in her head for some time and you’re not playing ball. Bad Mummy!

I think the crux of it is, she knows I'm off work at the moment and (in theory) available for lifts, therefore doesn't understand why I shouldn't ferry her about. Usually she has no choice of DH and I are both at work, but with me being off this week she's expecting me to be her personal taxi! God forbid if I actually want to enjoy my time off work and do something else. I'm just "mean" apparently.

Teens generally think everything is unfair.

I find if the offer isn't good enough wuthdraw it... ok then make your way there and back on the bus or don't go ? No point debating. Its like arguing with a toddler.. i have a 15 year old so am living.it.

Which is why I also offered option 2 - she gets the bus there when it's still light and I collect her at 5pm when it's dark. That wasn't acceptable to her either.

You aren't a taxi service.
She can get the bus or pay for a cab herself.

Personally, after her not accepting your generous offer of one drop off/pick up, I would retract any offer and tell her to get the bus for both trips. After all she's not 9 years old!

”Generally”? 😀

She has lots of reasonable options, they could also meet half way .

YADNBU. My DD, now 18, has always had to get about by herself, unless it's a journey that can't be done by public transport. I think sometimes teens forget their parents have lives of their own!

Tell her to get bus there and back

shes 15, and more than old enough. She doesn’t need her mum running her around but she does need to learn that her mum has her own life and isn’t a servant at her beck and call.

plus, never too old to use the phrase “I want never gets”