Teen strop this morning - Am I being unfair?

[leyla1985]

Teen DD 16 wants to go and see her friend today as they are doing a secret Santa gift exchange. Friend lives 30 mins drive away, so 1 hour round trip if I take her.

She has the option to get the bus, she doesn't want to. I've said I'm happy to do one journey but don't want to do both, ie I'll take her but not doing pick up (or vice versa). She's upset and annoyed with me, asking why I can't pick her up later.

The options I've presented to her are:

1. I'll take you there and you get the bus home later
2. Get the bus there and I'll collect you later
3. I'll take you there and you can wait for DH to finish work later (9pm) and he will collect you (he works nearby to friends house)
4. Stay overnight at friend's (has been offered by friend).

She's rejected all of those. She wants me to take her this afternoon around 2pm and collect** her a couple hours later around 5pm. She says 9pm is too late for DH to bring her home, she doesn't want to get the bus, and doesn't want to stay overnight.

AIBU to not do both trips? That's 2 hrs out of my day when she could just as easily do one of the other 4 options. Is she being stroppy and unreasonable here or am I mean? 🤷‍♀️

Whilst I agree that bus there and you pick her up is a reasonable compromise, I do think that parents that choose to live semi rurally sometimes have to suck up the inconvenience to help their teens out. It's not the teens' fault they live where the do.

A 45-50 minute bus journey means an hour door to door at least (unless bus stops are right outside houses) i.e twice the time it will take to drive, so you can see why it's not appealing.

Tough tits then… tell her she has the options given but warn her that stropping means her options will be reduced to bus both ways/dad collect/stay over and bus back.

tell her to consider the environment… 😆😉

Only 5 mins in the end! She kept to her word on that. Home now so it's all good 😀

Also she got an AMAZING secret Santa gift from her friend which she's over the moon with, so it was worth the trip just to collect it 😂

Oh and I live rurally, no bus service and I do suck up a lot, but NOT when someone is being spoiled and entitled.

im Lucky. Ds isn’t at all expectant of me dropping everything. If I’m collecting him he’ll always accept whatever latest time I want to pick him up.

When I say rural, we are on B road slightly off the beaten track, not a farm in the middle of a field. There are buses that run through to the nearest town regularly. She'd have managed just fine on the bus if needs be, and she often does.

That's just life though. It's just not always possible to ferry them about when they want to, especially when they can get a bus. Even if we don't stay in the middle of a town. Both my kids also have friends locally, and their friends who stay further away also come here.

For us personally it's about compromise. I often say I will either pick up or drop off depending which is easier for bus times, and also fits in with working times etc.

I'm more than a taxi service, and between work and study, time is at a premium, therefore if they want to go to see pals who don't stay locally then they need to understand I am not always able to drop everything to facilitate that.

"Only 5 mins in the end! She kept to her word on that. Home now so it's all good 😀"

Glad it all worked out in the end 😊

Not to do with the travel, but how is it a secret santa if they know the gifts are from each other?

Maybe she values her time.

Maybe she can't afford the £30 or more for a 2 hour drive.

Maybe she wants her teenager to take some responsibility.

Well she had choices and chose none of them so tough on her

Blimey by that age I never got lifts anywhere. I would get the bus (a mile walk to the main road to be able to catch said bus), and the buses were rubbish and there were only a few a day. So if I wanted to stay out later than 5.30pm which is when the last one left, I’d have to find somewhere to stay. YANBU at all, she is. I also paid my own bus fares out of money I earned in my part time jobs.

There were about 5 of them participating in the exchange, apparently they all put their presents in a bag so no one knew whose was whose. DD got there after the others so they waited for her before they opened them.

Was there also always at least 3 foot of snow and a hole in your shoe?😂

Thanks OP - I misunderstood that it was just her and a friend, hence the confusion :)

Maybe she wanted to spend some time with you while you were off work?

Geez I wouldn’t expect my mum to take an hour out of her day to ferry me around, especially if there was a bus! She’s taking massive advantage of you!!

I have every sympathy. I have a 16 year old daughter, and fuck me, she is the most difficult aspect of my life by a country mile.

😂😂😂😂