Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist DH takes the dog with him

123 replies

DogProbb · 30/12/2022 11:01

I'm currently at home with toddler DC, DH is self employed and we also have 1 dog. Need to start by saying DH can take DDog to work, it's not super ideal but it's definitely possible and is fine, he's done it before when I worked full time. This stopped when I left work to be at home with our DC.

I feel really bad for writing this because in the grand scheme of things Ddog is great but at the moment I just can't cope with him during the day alongside toddler.

I was coping okay at first but DC is now 2 and is becoming increasingly hard work during the day! I feel stressed enough at the end of the day with DC without all the added stuff DDog needs too. I feel like I'm constantly cleaning up mess from the garden or telling DC to be gentle with the dog or separating them (not because DDog is aggressive but because DC tries to cling to him all the time which then makes me feel bad leaving DDog in another room for periods of time).

A lot of mornings I come downstairs after DH has left for work to DDog having been through the bin or on the kitchen worktops (yes he gets on them!) with everything strewn all over the place, It's the one thing we don't seem to have been able to train, he's 5 and still does it, it really annoys me. I've asked DH repeatedly to shut DDog out of the kitchen before he leaves but he forgets all the time.

AIBU for saying DH needs to take DDog to work again now because I just can't be doing with him and toddler together all day anymore.

OP posts:
Heronwatcher · 30/12/2022 12:18

This seems a bit unfair to me to the DD and the DH. If he’s working but you’re at home I think I’d first try to sort the home issues out. I agree a couple of days would be fine for your DH to take the dog if it’s really too much but not every day. Why is your DH forgetting to close the door? Does he agree it’s necessary? If so have you left reminder notes? At worst could you get one of those fire door things which closes the door automatically? Have you tried again to train the dog to go in a crate for a short period? And if the issue with the rubbish/ worktops was sorted do you think that would solve it- I can’t imagine the dog is that demanding for the rest of the day if it’s been fed and walked?

Soothsayer1 · 30/12/2022 12:19

I would give him two options
1, he takes the dog to work with him
or
2, the dog gets rehomed
Otherwise the dog will become your problem and it's not going to get any easier

Joshitai · 30/12/2022 12:31

Prescottdanni123 · 30/12/2022 12:18

@Joshitai

There are loads of workplaces that are perfectly fine for taking a dog too. And rehome the dog? That is OP's much loved pet you are talking about, not an unwanted piece of furniture.

Yes, so loved that the OP wants it out of the house and away from her as mich as possible. So loved, it has not been properly trained. So loved that it gets barely any exercise and interaction.

If OP loves her dog, she will find it a better home. One where the dog isn’t viewed as an inconvenient hot potato where a couple argue on the subject of “you take the dog, I can’t be doing it”

ign0re · 30/12/2022 12:32

Crate train your dog for starters. It’s not cruel, it’s literally a safe place for them to relax and you too.
what does your dog like to do? Mine loves to chew for example so I buy various long lasting chews on mass so he has something to do when out of crate if not capable of relaxing!

NoSquirrels · 30/12/2022 12:35

Of course it is fine to ask him to do this.

It needn’t be 5 days a week but I’d absolutely insist on at least 3.

As an aside, are you sure the dog hasn’t learned to open the kitchen door?

If not, can you put a bloody great notice on the back of the front door or in his car to remind him?

VanGoghsDog · 30/12/2022 12:35

Joshitai · 30/12/2022 11:23

Rehome the dog. You obviously can’t handle a dog and a toddler, and it’s stressing you to no end. I don’t think taking a dog to work is ok, as I cannot think of a single profession where that is accepted.

Dog walker?
Vet?

TrentCrimm · 30/12/2022 12:37

Just as an aside, many offices are dog friendly these days.

I work for a global food manufacturer - our offices are dog friendly (not the factories, before anyone has a fit!)

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 30/12/2022 12:39

I have a food-obsessed beagle and I totally get that it's frustrating - but you need to set your dog up for success. You can't leave him with free access to the kitchen and the bin, and then go on to complain he's counter-surfing and eating out of the bin.

We have an extra-tall pet gate so he can't leap it and get into the kitchen, but we also have child locks on every single cupboard just in case one of us does forget to shut the gate. We also never leave anything edible out on the counters - it all gets locked in cupboards, or put in the microwave etc.

If your DH can't be trusted to lock the dog out of the kitchen, then you need to set up your kitchen so that even if the dog has full access, he can't do any damage or become destructive in your absence.

A 5yo dog also shouldn't need huge amounts of input during the day unless it's an exceptionally high-energy working breed. Is the dog too overstimulated, perhaps?

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 30/12/2022 12:42

Joshitai · 30/12/2022 11:23

Rehome the dog. You obviously can’t handle a dog and a toddler, and it’s stressing you to no end. I don’t think taking a dog to work is ok, as I cannot think of a single profession where that is accepted.

I know loads of people who take their dogs to work - shop workers, office workers, vets, farmers, dog walkers and builders to name a few.

Smellywellyhoo · 30/12/2022 12:42

If you can't properly look after the dog, you need to rehome sadly.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 30/12/2022 12:42

Give your DH the choice - he either starts remembering to close the kitchen door or he takes the dog to work.

I’m sure he doesn’t spend the day “forgetting” important stuff at work.

He’s forgetting because it’s not important as it doesn’t affect him.

and if the dog went with him every day for three years there’s zero reason he can’t take it a couple of times a week.

Claudia84 · 30/12/2022 12:42

The amount of people not paying attention to the OPs posts is a bit ridiculous.
The dog went to work with husband for the first three years of his life. Its obviously therefore fine for him to be at work with him.
Ignore those people saying rehome the dog OP. You're really lucky that your husband has this as an option. I'm sure the dog would much prefer to be with someone rather than a) locked in a crate b) in a room on his own.

LakieLady · 30/12/2022 12:43

VanGoghsDog · 30/12/2022 12:35

Dog walker?
Vet?

Show quote history

My tree surgeon DSS takes his dog to work.

Namechangehereandnow · 30/12/2022 12:45

Very easy solution - you BOTH take time to TRAIN your dog! Problem solved and everyone is happier, including the poor dog!
so many people get dogs and do not train them 🙄

gogohmm · 30/12/2022 12:46

Just dog proof, and get specialist training help. Honestly a dog and a toddler is quite doable if your set up is right.

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/12/2022 12:47

I often see self-employed tradespeople with their dogs, either in clients gardens or in the vans with them. The dogs usually seem quite happy.
I’m sure a couple of days a week would be fine for your dog and give you the respite you need.

Joshitai · 30/12/2022 12:47

Claudia84 · 30/12/2022 12:42

The amount of people not paying attention to the OPs posts is a bit ridiculous.
The dog went to work with husband for the first three years of his life. Its obviously therefore fine for him to be at work with him.
Ignore those people saying rehome the dog OP. You're really lucky that your husband has this as an option. I'm sure the dog would much prefer to be with someone rather than a) locked in a crate b) in a room on his own.

It’s not that obvious! Dog went to work for three years, when OP worked full time- as in before their 2yo DC was born. Dog is now 5yrs old. For the past 2yrs the dog has not gone to work with the DH at all.

Is DH in the same role at the same company? Has there been a change of office or office rules? Has Covid resulted in more stringent hygiene rules effectively barring dogs?

Claudia84 · 30/12/2022 12:50

Okay fair points! I just would think that if it's an option for him to go then it's still fine.
Appreciate something for dog to get used to again but still - a nicer option for dog than having to be alone whilst toddler is being looked after.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/12/2022 12:51

It would be good for the dog to have the variety of going to work with your DH for maybe 2 or 3 days a week and then a couple with you.

NaturalBae · 30/12/2022 12:58

So, you got the dog before having DC and now you’re too busy to be constantly looking after and cleaning up after the dog?

I get it. We don’t have pets as I’ve already got enough on my plate. I couldn’t do it. Being the main carer and the person at home the most and WFH, I would end up having to clean up after any pets, not DH or DC. Plus, I don’t want our house smelling of dog. Nope!

KirstenBlest · 30/12/2022 12:59

@Joshitai , OP's DH is self-employed. Presumably in the same dog-friendly position.

The dog is trained (other than to not counter-surf and attack the bin) and exercised, but the toddler won't leave the dog alone. Dog and toddler need to be separate.

The DH get up and goes to work and OP gets up to find that dog has attacked the bin or is sitting on the counter leaving a trail of destruction.

OP needs to train the DH to close doors and to take the dog to work.

Harrysmummy246 · 30/12/2022 13:00

Joshitai · 30/12/2022 12:47

It’s not that obvious! Dog went to work for three years, when OP worked full time- as in before their 2yo DC was born. Dog is now 5yrs old. For the past 2yrs the dog has not gone to work with the DH at all.

Is DH in the same role at the same company? Has there been a change of office or office rules? Has Covid resulted in more stringent hygiene rules effectively barring dogs?

Show quote history

Op has clarified several times that the husband works on his own and is self employed. So that's not going to be the issue.
And while I get that having a dog and a child can be stressful, many people managed. My 2 went to doggy daycare for a day or two a week which was good for them but ds also went to nursery 2 days a week as he is an only child and the interaction etc was important.

Both of these would be options for op depending on budget.

Harrysmummy246 · 30/12/2022 13:01

KirstenBlest · 30/12/2022 12:59

@Joshitai , OP's DH is self-employed. Presumably in the same dog-friendly position.

The dog is trained (other than to not counter-surf and attack the bin) and exercised, but the toddler won't leave the dog alone. Dog and toddler need to be separate.

The DH get up and goes to work and OP gets up to find that dog has attacked the bin or is sitting on the counter leaving a trail of destruction.

OP needs to train the DH to close doors and to take the dog to work.

And train the child to leave the dog. Ds was definitely not bothering our two anything like as much by this age.

Joshitai · 30/12/2022 13:08

KirstenBlest · 30/12/2022 12:59

@Joshitai , OP's DH is self-employed. Presumably in the same dog-friendly position.

The dog is trained (other than to not counter-surf and attack the bin) and exercised, but the toddler won't leave the dog alone. Dog and toddler need to be separate.

The DH get up and goes to work and OP gets up to find that dog has attacked the bin or is sitting on the counter leaving a trail of destruction.

OP needs to train the DH to close doors and to take the dog to work.

The dog to work idea is a valid option. I don’t think it is in the dog’s best interests though. I also think OP would BU to “insist” her DH take the dog to work in the same manner that it would BU for the DH to “insist” the dog stay at home.

For this to work:

  • The DH has to want to take the dog to work.
  • The dog has to want to go to work- what if it’s miserable there?
  • Both OP and DH need to make the time to properly train the dog
  • Both OP and DH need to implement better safety measures because no toddler should be hanging off a dog/constantly messing with it as that is a recipe for a dog bite/attack.

The OP is asking AIBU to insist that DH take the dog to work..so I have presumed that she’s already asked him casually. And been told he’d rather not. So now she wants to know if she can insist on it.

I don’t think this is reasonable. If you have to insist on something, it usually means the other person is not in agreement. So I think since neither of them really want the dog around them in the day, the dog deserves a better home.

KirstenBlest · 30/12/2022 13:09

@Harrysmummy246 , of course. Poor dog.

I'm very impressed at those on here with their impeccably trained dogs and their bomb-proof bins.