To insist DH takes the dog with him

[DogProbb]

I'm currently at home with toddler DC, DH is self employed and we also have 1 dog. Need to start by saying DH can take DDog to work, it's not super ideal but it's definitely possible and is fine, he's done it before when I worked full time. This stopped when I left work to be at home with our DC.

I feel really bad for writing this because in the grand scheme of things Ddog is great but at the moment I just can't cope with him during the day alongside toddler.

I was coping okay at first but DC is now 2 and is becoming increasingly hard work during the day! I feel stressed enough at the end of the day with DC without all the added stuff DDog needs too. I feel like I'm constantly cleaning up mess from the garden or telling DC to be gentle with the dog or separating them (not because DDog is aggressive but because DC tries to cling to him all the time which then makes me feel bad leaving DDog in another room for periods of time).

A lot of mornings I come downstairs after DH has left for work to DDog having been through the bin or on the kitchen worktops (yes he gets on them!) with everything strewn all over the place, It's the one thing we don't seem to have been able to train, he's 5 and still does it, it really annoys me. I've asked DH repeatedly to shut DDog out of the kitchen before he leaves but he forgets all the time.

AIBU for saying DH needs to take DDog to work again now because I just can't be doing with him and toddler together all day anymore.

Nonsense. One of our dogs is a greedy black lab. We have a bin he can't get into.

If he took the dog to work before you had your child then it is possible to do it again even if it is for part of the week.

I realise this won't solve all your problems but we have one of these dog proof bins www.simplehuman.co.uk/products/semi-round-step-can-plastic-50l?variant=32718187790441 as our dog used to open the bin. Several years on and we don't even need to use the bin lock as it helped to reinforce the training that bin surfing was not allowed.
It does sound like more work needs to be done with your dog (help from a dog trainer) and I would certainly be looking for your dh to support and help with this significantly or find some way of making your life easier. What breed is your dog? Is it food driven or just a very active/inquisitive breed?

My guess is the dog might be a sighthound (greyhound/ whippet). They are notorious counter surfers, and can't be trained out of it.

Such a dog would be very happy curled up on a bed at work, though.

Hahahahahaha my architect sister is looking at a new practice to apply to where basically every staff member brings their dogs.

I, as a gardener, would take one of mine if it didn't mean leaving the other at home (one is happy outside beside me all day, the other is very much not!)

Anyone who works at doggy daycare or grooming usually takes theirs with them.

Just because you can't work this out, doesn't mean a lot of us can't.

Of course you do.

Make a deal where each time DH forgets to shut the kitchen door he takes the dog to work with him the next day. I expect he would pretty quickly remember to start shutting the door when the outcomes effects him.

But not nice for the dog and a distraction for DH.

DH doesn’t want it at work and you don’t want it at home - so rehome it.

I don’t know what you thought was going to happen when you had kids..

@KirstenBlest. Of course I do! The alternative is him eating out the bin like the OP's dog. As I don't want him to I have a bin he can't get into and he's well trained. Not sure that's unbelievable to be honest. I'm fairly sure all black labs aren't wandering round houses helping themselves to the bin contents!

DH should be taking the dog to work 2 or 3 days per week, it just makes sense. The bin thing is infuriating and I would be putting my foot down about that.

DDog should should at least be going some of the week. Lucky you that it is an option.

I see the bonkers "if your life doesn't totally revolve around your dog, then the dog should be confiscated" brigade are out in force.

They wouldn’t cope in France.
Our neighbour leaves his dog 10 hours a day in the garden( he has food and shelter) whist he works.
I couldn’t do it but the dog seems fine.

@DifferenceEngines. It's not bonkers. Dogs need training if they're going to fit into your lifestyle. If you haven't got the time to do that for whatever reason then it's not fair on anyone or the dog. What's the alternative? Things will stay as they are and the OP sounds pretty fed up

This is just very feeble. It is a dog and a toddler. And you "cant cope?"

Ok then.

I dont know how some people get through a normal day. Try being a single parent. Not a single parent with an ex who takes the kids at weekend. A single parent with no ex around at all. Then I'd have some more sympathy when you say you cant cope.

I knew you'd start getting loads of "you obviously can't cope - rehome the dog!" along with the "I have 2 sets of twins, 5 labradors and a house pig and cope fine!" type comments 😂

Yes, of course your dh should take the dog, at least some days to work with him - why wouldn't he? Why has the dog become solely your responsibility? You've tried it and it isn't working for you as your dd is at a difficult stage - toddlers are hard work.

The not shutting the kitchen door is just lazy and and incompetent - I bet if your dh had to clean up the mess every day he'd soon stop doing it, but he knows you're not going to leave the mess for him.

I think you need to have a serious conversation with your dh about how this isn't working for you and you need to come up with another solution, together.

what does he say when you mention him taking the dog again?

And why isnt the dog trained?

Ah, you've got to love Mumsnet. The spiritual home of competitive suffering!

Dog proof the house and employ a dog walker.

I know of many SAHP who have children and dogs. I don't know of any who expect to send their dogs to work with their working spouse.

It seems a bit much to say to the spouse that they should have to manage work and the dog because you can only handle 1 child and a dog. If having a dog and a child is creating such a major problem, maybe your household is no longer a pet ready household. What would the 2 of you do if your husband worked for someone else? Who would be expected to bring the dog to work?

If you have friends with young children, do they send their pets to work with their spouse? If not, maybe you might discuss how they manage the day. Your problem might be solved with a different time management strategy.

That’s a bit extreme! My DH took our 2 to work with him until DD came along and then they stayed with me. I agree it is hard work, particularly with 2. Now DD is older and at school, and I work from home we do a mix. On days where I have less online meetings they stay with me, or if I have a full day or a client meeting they go with DH. It’s not so much about the walks (that’s the easy bit), it’s the frequent interaction during the day. Especially since covid when they became used to everyone being at home all day, every day so had lots of attention. OP I would see if you could share the lad with DH.

This is the bonkers post. The issue is not that life doesn’t revolve around the dog but that neither owner want to care for it during the day. And what’s with the “confiscated” bollocks?

Stop blaming the dog.

It's a dog. It needs food and walks.

I mean, the OP has a perfectly good way of stopping it, she closes the kitchen door...her DH just can’t be arsed doing it in the morning.

Toddlers and dogs are hard going, it doesn’t last long though, you do finally manage to convince the toddler not to hassle the dog.

@Joshitai

There are loads of workplaces that are perfectly fine for taking a dog too. And rehome the dog? That is OP's much loved pet you are talking about, not an unwanted piece of furniture.