Huge argument over golf. So pissed off.

[fuckinggolf]

My husband used to go to golf every Sunday but considering the fact he works 5 days including Saturdays and we have a DC in school he now only goes every other Sunday. He has one day off in the week where he's home and I'm at work and DC is in school so he can always go more then, he doesn't always choose to because that's not when his friends go, they go on a Sunday.

He last went to golf on the first Sunday in December, he didn't go the next 3 weeks because things happened to fall on every Sunday, plans with his family, a trip that he'd booked and then Christmas. He mentioned last night that he's going to go with his friends today instead and I said sure, I then asked about next Sunday and said could he be around next weekend as I'm going to need a break (he booked his annual leave wrong so he goes back to work a week before our DC goes back to school (I'm 37 weeks pregnant and dreading the thought of trying to entertain a 4 year old for 5 days with no help between 8-6pm and will probably be exhausted that weekend)

He absolutely kicked off, called me controlling, said that I hate him going to golf or doing anything that doesn't revolve around me and our DC, that I find excuse after excuse for him to not go, it's the only thing he does for himself but fine let's both do absolutely nothing over than spend every fucking minute together because clearly he isn't allowed a single thing for himself, said that I've stopped him going to golf for 5 weeks now. I said that isn't true, it's not my fault that Christmas Day was on a Sunday and the two Sundays before yes we were doing things but both were things he arranged not me and it's convenient of him to forget that just to chuck it in my face. He wouldn't admit he was being unfair and just started ranting and raving about how he's never going to golf again, I win, controlling wife etc. I was really crying by the end of it and he didn't bother trying to resolve it or seeing if I was ok and he slept in the spare room without even coming into ours.

This morning I went downstairs and tried to just general talk to him and he was snappy and rude. I asked him what was wrong and he insisted nothing but could clearly tell. I told him I'd arranged to take DC to meet a friend for a play date but hadn't agreed a time so could time it in with his golf. He said he isn't going and when I asked why he said really sarcastically "because it's easier not to dear". I never once said a bad thing about him going today, I literallly just said ok when he told me, I only asked about next Sunday because I have 5 full days with no support in the run up and I'm going to be nearly 38 weeks pregnant at that point. I said this and he just kept repeating I'm not going. I said well text and arrange it and he just kept saying "no dear you get your way". It felt really unfair because he's going to refuse to go and then add this to his '5 weeks' where his mean controlling wife hasn't allowed him to go which is absolute bullshit and I know he's going to hold it against me. He knows we're about to have a newborn and had previously said he's fine with not going on Sundays for a couple of months unless my mums here as I need a caesarean and will be recovering but I bet that'll be thrown in my face now too.

I got upset again because he was just manipulating a genuine reason for needing help next weekend into me being this controlling bitch and completely lying about how I've been the reason he hasn't gone, yet again he didn't care that I got upset and hasn't tried to sort it out instead stormed off upstairs with his breakfast.

AIBU? I get that he's his hobby and I get that they only play on Sundays and I try and be fair with that but given Sundays are the only day we get as a family it does suck a little when he fucks off for 4.5 hours. I don't moan about it but did request it goes down to every other Sunday, but I don't find excuses every week for him to not go, I don't see being 38 weeks pregnant as an excuse?

Can't believe I'm having these arguments over fucking golf. We're 30 for gods sake!

Funny how he accidentally booked the wrong week off.
I'd be sorting out Mondays - all the shopping, housework, cooking and school runs needs to be done that day, even when you're in ML by the way. Whether he likes it or not, his single days are over.

He has every Monday to himself. Every Monday.

You don't need to play golf with mates, he's choosing to, which is exactly the same as going to the pub.

if it was the golf aspect he was genuinely interested in, he'd play on his day off & any Sunday golf with mates would be a bonus.

OP has no issue with him playing every other Sunday, she just asked him not to this once as she's heavily pregnant and would have been looking after their very active 4yo all week by herself. ONE SUNDAY round she's asking him not to play.

Honestly I don’t think either of you sre behaving well. I see both sides.

my husband is a golfer. He goes every weekend. Even when I was pregnant. I genuinely never had an issue with it, it’s a few hours fresh air and it’s important we all have something for ourselves that isn’t just work and childcare. However it’s important you get the same thing.

the thing is he clearly thinks you take issue with him golfing and have done for a long time. For me,that’s a bit shit, he a husband and father, not a prisoner.

Why is the OP unreasonable? She asked her husband to help look after their child as she is 37 weeks pregnant and exhausted, and he shouted and bullied her, can none of the yabu people read?

I wouldn’t count on that 😆

personally I don’t think 4.5 hours total a week for socialising/exercise/ hobby is unreasonable. It’s not really that much. Won’t he be off a day in the week to help with 4 year old? Otherwise I’d have a look for some childcare, presumably soon you’ll have a baby and a 4 year old at home in the holidays and he won’t have all holidays off

As I said, obsessed.
You may not have an issue with your dh but OP does with hers.
Perhaps your working hours balance better with family life.

This will not be a popular opinion but OP you sound very precious.

Regardless of your view about golf, she does not skins precious.

This is about her H's respect for her and their family (or lack of).

They can disagree about golf & come to an agreement eventually, but his horrible, sarcastic & belittling treatment of her in how he addresses her is very worrying.

The oP has explained that he is not back at school until the following week.

Yes we can read, but we can also apply critical thinking and see this is not a new issue. It’s a long standing one.

But not everyone breastfeeds their babies - in fact, many people actively choose not to because of how tying it is. I know quite a few parents who chose to formula feed to make things easier in the early weeks and months, especially when it came to night feeds and having time away to do their own thing.

My riding instructor was back out working and riding two weeks post-partum. I accept that's a little extreme but it did wonders for her happiness, marriage and mental health to keep that "me time" even with a newborn (and now two under four).

Giving up your hobbies and time alone is, for the most part, a choice parents make (of course there are some exceptions). Of course that's fine, and a totally valid thing thing to do - but it's not the only way to do things and it's not healthy or helpful to try and make other people do the same as you.

He's being sarcastic and horrible, and very childish not going today.

But I haven't been to my (exercise, but also social) club for a few weeks now with Christmas and term dates, and I'm really looking forward to the first one back. If somebody said on the day I was going "oh, but you won't go next week will you?" it would spoil it a bit if I'm being honest.

Golf is his fortnightly(ish) thing “just for him”. What do you get to do every two weeks that’s just for you?

@Floweryflora did he go every night after work as the OPs husband does, and did he actually have a whole day to himself with no responsibilities during the week when he could have gone .

the OP is asking him to give up ONE SUNDAY NOT FOREVER , all these little women whose husbands must have their beers and golf with their buddies , this is 2022 not 1952

If he played every Monday he'd soon have Monday golfing buddies.

yes, he wants to play with his friends on Sundays, the OP is fine with that every second Sunday,

Except this once she's asked him not to as she's heavily pregnant & due to his fuck up she will have been looking after their very active, needs to be outside running about DS all week already. He fucked up, the least he can do is not socialise on the Sunday & actually parent his own child.

I don’t know why posters keep saying 4.5 hours of golf eow is fine. Of course it’s fine, the OP knows this which is why they have had that arrangement for the last few years, it’s next weekend, due to the late pregnancy, OP has
asked that he give a miss.

I agree the way he responded was not good, but sounds like it was partly at least born out of frustration.

I don't think half a day once a fortnight is excessive to spend on a hobby.

I think if OP is excessively exhausted when the next golf session comes round it would be fair to ask him to cancel/play half a round, but OP has not mentioned any particular reason why this should be the case. Many women are still working full time with a smaller child when 38 weeks pregnant.

I'm also wondering what will happen when OP gives birth - presumably she won't want DH going off and playing golf when she has a newborn and a 4 year old to content with? So I'd personally be encouraging him to go now while it's easier!

DH having Mondays off is irrelevant if none of his golf playing friends are free then. However he should be using them to help out in other ways.

Surely the issue isn't the golf. The way he spoke to you is so incredibly rude, carrying it on the next day with sarcastic semi silent treatment. Life is too short to be treated like a piece of shit by someone who is suppose to love and protect and support you.

Of course its normal to disagree and argue sometimes, but if anyone spoke to me like this and then twisted things round I would be so upset and would not want to be with them.

Granted im long term single! Maybe this is why.

@EarringsandLipstick

well said!!

Where does she say he goes every night after work, sorry I missed this? I see her Saying he only every goes for 4 hours every two weeks?

@mumofone2019 yes exactly, it just makes me feel sad at the thought of this. Especially the OP trying to make it up to him the next the and getting it thrown back in her face.
No thanks.

You’ve had an argument, you’re married, couples argue, you also have a young child and a new baby due. This is the best time of your life, be the bigger person, make it up with your husband and enjoy life, as it’s too short.