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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband has been sending flirty texts to another woman.

92 replies

Hooverham · 29/12/2022 22:37

My husband has a friend who he used to work with who he hasn’t seen for years. They’ve stayed in touch and I’ve never had a problem with this. He had said in the past that nothing had eve happened between them but he had wanted it to. (When I confronted him about it he admitted they had kissed before) Recently, I found texts between the two of them that I feel were improper between friends. E.g. I’d like to unwrap you for Xmas, I love your t*ts etc…he’s also said unkind things about me and our children and some other family members. She has sent him self-indulgent, overly filtered selfies. He has sent her pictures of cards that he has kept that she sent him almost 20 years ago and notes that she had sent him. He claims that it is all an ‘in joke’ between them from when they worked together and that there is nothing romantic between them. I’m failing to believe this. Am I being unreasonable by not accepting what he is telling me? Any advice and opinions would be gratefully received as I’m going out of my mind with it all.

OP posts:
Overandunderit · 29/12/2022 22:38

LTB. He doesn't respect your relationship. Get rid.

LizzieVereker · 29/12/2022 22:40

Goodness me, how cruel and disrespectful. I’m so sorry that you find yourself in this situation, OP. Get rid of him, you are worth far more.

golfwidow88 · 29/12/2022 22:40

Jesus, do you really need a bunch of random people to tell you to leave him??

DuncanBiscuits · 29/12/2022 22:40

’I love your tits’ isn’t flirty.

He’s either shagging her, or trying to.

Bin.

Notimeforaname · 29/12/2022 22:41

He doesn't care about you and your family enough. Hes trying to have a affair.

xogossipgirlxo · 29/12/2022 22:41

Dear god. These messages are not flirty nor joking. And you know about it. Punch him in the balls and let her unwrap him.

ClaireVictorias · 29/12/2022 22:42

He’d be gone if I were you. He clearly fancies her and it’s totally disrespectful to you. Get rid.

Zipps · 29/12/2022 22:42

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a disrespectful scumbag you can't trust?

Hooverham · 29/12/2022 22:43

She lives in a different country so he’s not going to be able to. He’s apologised profusely and said it’s all just a joke where they say the most outrageous things to each other because they worked with a sleaze years ago and they take the mick out of him all the time. He said that if there was something between them he would have deleted the messages as he wouldn’t have wanted me to see them.

OP posts:
WhineWhineWINE · 29/12/2022 22:44

He's a liar

golfwidow88 · 29/12/2022 22:45

Wake up OP....please.

PenanceAdair · 29/12/2022 22:46

Sorry I chose YABU to even ask because this is so clearly wrong, you don't need an AIBU thread to know it.

Crazypaving22 · 29/12/2022 22:47

He is cheating, it might not be physical cheating but he is cheating. He is betraying you, disrespecting you (and your family) and tearing down the walls of your marriage to let this woman in. He's minimising his behaviour and gaslighting you. Do not allow him to let you think this is harmless fun between two friends.

cherrymiss · 29/12/2022 22:48

Lying shit head. He knows what he’s doing. Does she know about you? If she does she’s just as bad..

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 29/12/2022 22:48

Would you ever disrespect your marriage by sending and receiving those messages to another man. How would your DH respond if you did. It is utterly unacceptable.

Summer2424 · 29/12/2022 22:48

@Hooverham sorry you're going through this x
Tbh i wouldn't be happy if i saw those texts. Would he like it if you were getting those kind of texts?

Motnight · 29/12/2022 22:49

Hooverham · 29/12/2022 22:43

She lives in a different country so he’s not going to be able to. He’s apologised profusely and said it’s all just a joke where they say the most outrageous things to each other because they worked with a sleaze years ago and they take the mick out of him all the time. He said that if there was something between them he would have deleted the messages as he wouldn’t have wanted me to see them.

So he would be alright with you doing similar with a male 'friend'?

He has done a number on you, he really has.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 29/12/2022 22:50

Whether it's an "in joke" or not, it's still wrong.

What the hell has previously working with a sleaze got to do with anything??

Get rid and free yourself if him. If he's not up to anything with her it's only because of distance which is no base for a marriage.

Pickledprune · 29/12/2022 22:51

Get rid of him Op that's far more than just flirty texts sending hugs

maddening · 29/12/2022 22:52

If the tits comments etc are their sense of humour why the unkind things about you and your kids?

Cope them all and send them to yourself digitally

hotdiggetydog · 29/12/2022 22:58

He seems to have given a plausible explanation

loafintheoven · 29/12/2022 22:58

Are you otherwise happy in your marriage? It's hard to tell from your post. You're right to be upset and it would be reasonable for you to ask him to stop the communication with this woman. But I think "get rid" is a bit much at this stage.

Hooverham · 29/12/2022 23:00

I took pictures of every one of the messages. He sat there and let me go through it all when I asked him to explain it all.

OP posts:
Hooverham · 29/12/2022 23:02

Yes! Mostly happy which is why I’m devastated. Things have been a bit strained lately but we have two young children and both work long hours. He’s apologised profusely and begged me to forgive him but I just feel so humiliated and deceived.

OP posts:
Hooverham · 29/12/2022 23:03

cherrymiss · 29/12/2022 22:48

Lying shit head. He knows what he’s doing. Does she know about you? If she does she’s just as bad..

She’s married with kids herself…

OP posts: