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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband has been sending flirty texts to another woman.

92 replies

Hooverham · 29/12/2022 22:37

My husband has a friend who he used to work with who he hasn’t seen for years. They’ve stayed in touch and I’ve never had a problem with this. He had said in the past that nothing had eve happened between them but he had wanted it to. (When I confronted him about it he admitted they had kissed before) Recently, I found texts between the two of them that I feel were improper between friends. E.g. I’d like to unwrap you for Xmas, I love your t*ts etc…he’s also said unkind things about me and our children and some other family members. She has sent him self-indulgent, overly filtered selfies. He has sent her pictures of cards that he has kept that she sent him almost 20 years ago and notes that she had sent him. He claims that it is all an ‘in joke’ between them from when they worked together and that there is nothing romantic between them. I’m failing to believe this. Am I being unreasonable by not accepting what he is telling me? Any advice and opinions would be gratefully received as I’m going out of my mind with it all.

OP posts:
LouLou900 · 30/12/2022 01:42

AnyFucker · 29/12/2022 23:10

Blimey, you need to ask ?

He slags you off to another woman, someone he says he fancies (and probably more…) and you ask if you are being unreasonable ? What the fuck happened to your self esteem ?

Vile answer to OP. What a knobhead.

Lilyhop · 30/12/2022 01:46

Even if you accepted his story of it all being an ‘in joke’ , could you ever accept him saying horrible things about you and your children?! That can’t be an ‘in joke.’ It’s disgusting and disrespectful.
LTB

GrowingToads · 30/12/2022 02:16

He said unkind things about your children

He said unkind things about your children

What are you going to do about that. 😡

bert3400 · 30/12/2022 02:33

He bad-mouthed you and your kids to her, that would be a deal breaker for me. The flirty messages I may forgive but he turned on you and your children ...I wouldn't hang around if my DH did that.

dolor · 30/12/2022 02:42

That's sexting, not flirting. He's lying through his teeth. Get rid.

MsDogLady · 30/12/2022 05:39

Hoover, he’s connecting with OW sexually and emotionally. He is showing her that he kept her notes and cards from 20 years ago, which signifies her importance to him. He also wants her to note his devaluation of you and the children. I’d be incandescent that he involved them in his faithless agenda.

Since being rumbled, he’s scrambled for damage limitation by spinning a ‘We’re just pals’ narrative. Don’t fall for his con job, Hoover.

dontputitthere · 30/12/2022 06:06

I know you want to believe him. Because it would be so much easier

But his lies are pathetic and almost laughable.

He's a disgrace. Im sorry he's let you and your children down so badly.

He's sexting and flirting. And bitching about you and his own children.

How can you ever respect him again?

shruggingitoff · 30/12/2022 06:30

As all PP said, this isn't a joke. And how is it even funny?

Read The script as this will soon follow.

He is being unfaithful. He has badmouthed you and your Dc. And, he is being unfaithful.

This is an emotional affair.

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 30/12/2022 06:37

He is gaslighting you and I don't mean to be horrible but you must wake up because this is happening under your nose

Weatherwax13 · 30/12/2022 06:39

You have to get rid of him OP. How an you possibly go on in this relationship?
He thinks you're such an idiot that he can literally show you the glaring evidence of his disgusting behaviour and you'll believe his ridiculous explanation.
He has zero respect for you. What an arrogant, sleazy creep he is.

AgentJohnson · 30/12/2022 06:39

He said that if there was something between them he would have deleted the messages as he wouldn’t have wanted me to see them.

Ah the ‘in plain sight, sort of* defence. The brazenness of this fuckers never ceases to amaze me.

When he kissed her, was that also a joke? I suspect when styling it out doesn’t get the ‘of course love, I totally get it’ response from you the self entitlement will kick in and you’ll start being called all sorts.

it doesn’t just look bad, it is bad. Urgh, he sounds awful.

hattie43 · 30/12/2022 06:41

He has overstepped the mark . Things may not be physical but would he tolerate you doing the same with a ' friend ' . No wife / partner would want that going on imo .

girlmom21 · 30/12/2022 06:44

I wouldn't believe that they've only ever kissed. How did she respond to the tits comment?

ZaraMuhammad · 30/12/2022 06:45

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girlmom21 · 30/12/2022 06:46

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Hahahaha nice try

catfunk · 30/12/2022 07:04

Oh come on.... don't let him gaslight you

dolor · 30/12/2022 07:06

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Hahahahaha

No it fucking isn't

Crazypaving22 · 30/12/2022 07:08

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No. We. Don't.

Cheating is all on the cheat.

Shoxfordian · 30/12/2022 07:12

He’s the joke
See how funny he finds the divorce

DonutCrossMeIEatYou · 30/12/2022 07:14

Pretending for a tiny millisecond that the graphic shit like “I love your tits” is, in fact, a wildly inappropriate “joke” (which I don’t believe), how does the being mean about you and your kids fit in to that????

He is an absolute arsehole.

ZaraMuhammad · 30/12/2022 07:14

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AnyFucker · 30/12/2022 07:16

As a wife part of our responsibility is to please our husbands. What he done is wrong but sometimes we need to look at ourselves and ask questions

Now that is a vile response

JoyPeaceSleep · 30/12/2022 07:17

What did he say to her about your family op @Hooverham ?

ProperVexed · 30/12/2022 07:19

OP, for fecks sake ignore Zara, clearly deluded and downtrodden.

dolor · 30/12/2022 07:29

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Hahahaha

Please come out of the kitchen and into the NOW

women are allowed to go outside now and everything, didn't you know?

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