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Original poster

Husband has been sending flirty texts to another woman.

92 replies

Hooverham · 29/12/2022 22:37

My husband has a friend who he used to work with who he hasn’t seen for years. They’ve stayed in touch and I’ve never had a problem with this. He had said in the past that nothing had eve happened between them but he had wanted it to. (When I confronted him about it he admitted they had kissed before) Recently, I found texts between the two of them that I feel were improper between friends. E.g. I’d like to unwrap you for Xmas, I love your t*ts etc…he’s also said unkind things about me and our children and some other family members. She has sent him self-indulgent, overly filtered selfies. He has sent her pictures of cards that he has kept that she sent him almost 20 years ago and notes that she had sent him. He claims that it is all an ‘in joke’ between them from when they worked together and that there is nothing romantic between them. I’m failing to believe this. Am I being unreasonable by not accepting what he is telling me? Any advice and opinions would be gratefully received as I’m going out of my mind with it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hooverham · 29/12/2022 23:04

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 29/12/2022 22:48

Would you ever disrespect your marriage by sending and receiving those messages to another man. How would your DH respond if you did. It is utterly unacceptable.

Absolutely not. I’ve said this to him! How would he feel if it was the other way round. He said he realises it looks bad but it’s all just joking around.

OP posts:
dwArty · 29/12/2022 23:05

I believe they might be hiding behind 'it's an in-joke' as it allows them to have fun being outrageous with each other but they want to say those things and what they're saying is real. They really do want to unwrap each other etc. I can't think of a situation, in-joke, or not, that I would feel comfortable with a male friend talking about my 'great tits' unless we were flirting.
I would talk to him about respect me needing to a reality check on himself

PeskyYeti · 29/12/2022 23:06

Get some self respect and LTB!

xogossipgirlxo · 29/12/2022 23:06

Hooverham · 29/12/2022 22:43

She lives in a different country so he’s not going to be able to. He’s apologised profusely and said it’s all just a joke where they say the most outrageous things to each other because they worked with a sleaze years ago and they take the mick out of him all the time. He said that if there was something between them he would have deleted the messages as he wouldn’t have wanted me to see them.

He’s lying. He thought you’re too stupid to sense something is going on. If he knew, he would delete those messages.

redflowerbluethorns · 29/12/2022 23:09

I'm one for giving people the benefit of the doubt but even I can read between the lines here.

When did he kiss her? Whilst you were together?

If my DH had sent somebody messages saying I love your tits then I think he'd be at his mums for an indefinite time period.

Workinghardeveryday · 29/12/2022 23:09

Notimeforaname · 29/12/2022 22:41

He doesn't care about you and your family enough. Hes trying to have a affair.

Sorry, but this is what it is

redflowerbluethorns · 29/12/2022 23:10

it’s all just a joke where they say the most outrageous things to each other because they worked with a sleaze years ago and they take the mick out of him all the time

This is such a crap lie. It's almost playground level.

AnyFucker · 29/12/2022 23:10

Blimey, you need to ask ?

He slags you off to another woman, someone he says he fancies (and probably more…) and you ask if you are being unreasonable ? What the fuck happened to your self esteem ?

StarDolphins · 29/12/2022 23:11

The tits one alone would make me leave & if any messages of suspect to me or my child, that would make me leave too. Given he’s done both & humiliated you, how can it be fixed. Regardless of the distance, he wants to shag her.

Workinghardeveryday · 29/12/2022 23:13

Shoulders back, tit’s out, deep breath. Then tell him to get the fuck out.

Then, find YOUR Mr Right. He isn’t it.

ShakespearesBlister · 29/12/2022 23:16

Hooverham · 29/12/2022 23:02

Yes! Mostly happy which is why I’m devastated. Things have been a bit strained lately but we have two young children and both work long hours. He’s apologised profusely and begged me to forgive him but I just feel so humiliated and deceived.

Did I read you said he's also been slagging you and your children off to her? That would be an unforgivable line crossed for me. Not just you but also his own children? what the actual fuck is that??

Adeckofcards · 29/12/2022 23:19

As she lives in a different country, they could be doing the 'if only' type texts because they know nothing will come of it. It isn't the same as texting someone they will see soon. Its 'safe' in a way. It is flirting rather than joking and they obviously had history and fancy each other. Is it worth ending a marriage because you found information that he fancies another woman, one he won't see again? I don't know.... Is it the same as someone who flirts with a current work colleague in the office? I don't think so. What they have is an emotional affair where he can confide in her about your family and tell her that he fancies her. Is that better or worse than a physical affair? Again I don't know...

Iwanttoslowdown · 29/12/2022 23:22

Would you do this with another fella? Sorry OP it’s too convenient an excise
that she lives in a different country, it’s all for laughs. Your OH was sexting another woman - he’s on the look out and testing the water - if not with her then whoever else comes along next. Sorry.

cherrymiss · 29/12/2022 23:30

Wonder what her husband would think 🤔
they’re both playing dirty buggers behind your back and her husbands back.
Silly silly people playing fantasy games with each other. That’s the problem with texting and such these days. Some people think it doesn’t equate to real life and end up doing things like this when in reality it hurts their spouses in the process whether they were going to act on it or not.

Facecream · 29/12/2022 23:36

What was he saying about you and your family?

SwordToFlamethrower · 29/12/2022 23:38

A joke that could cost you your whole marriage is really not worth it is it. He is lying to you.

Kingoftheroad · 29/12/2022 23:49

He’s having an emotional affair: none of this is remotely acceptable and he knows it.

chances are he will do it again.

only you can decide where to go from here

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 29/12/2022 23:54

They've kissed
He wanted more
He sends her dirty messages (I love your tits, isnt flirting, it's up front sexual)

I'm not sure what else you need OP. Photos? The tits comment implies there has been some

I've worked with sleazy men and have a lot of Male friends. None of them have 'joked' like this with me...unless they were actually trying it on

MsDogLady · 29/12/2022 23:57

A joke? Hardly.

Hoover, your H is a cheat who is reigniting an illicit relationship with a woman he has history with. Not only is he engaging in sex chat, he is slagging off you and his own children. How dare he.

This is infidelity and disloyalty. And he’s taking you for a fool by spinning his betrayal as an in-joke. I wonder what OW’s H would say? What would your children and relatives say regarding his negative comments about them?

I would be showing this sleazy traitor the door pronto. Flowers

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 30/12/2022 00:08

He'd be out on his ear with immediate effect.

And I'd find her husbands details and send him the screenshots. See how she likes them apples.

SouperNoodle · 30/12/2022 00:24

Slagging you and your kids off and saying he 'loves her tits' is hardly a joke, is it?
They fancy each other and he's trying to get some action.
Jesus, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck....

chali7 · 30/12/2022 00:24

Hooverham · 29/12/2022 22:43

She lives in a different country so he’s not going to be able to. He’s apologised profusely and said it’s all just a joke where they say the most outrageous things to each other because they worked with a sleaze years ago and they take the mick out of him all the time. He said that if there was something between them he would have deleted the messages as he wouldn’t have wanted me to see them.

I've heard this exact excuse before. 9 years ago when I caught my partner out, cheating on me with someone he worked with. At the time, I was 8 months pregnant. His first excuse was he was mimicking another colleague who is a sleaze. More excuses came and went before the truth came out. I'm afraid it was all a lie. I'm sorry for what you've read OP. It is gut wrenching. 💐

ErinAndTonic · 30/12/2022 00:28

Please read up on gaslighting.
He's cheating on you.

Murdoch1949 · 30/12/2022 00:54

Way past flirty friendship. Contact had to end or you need to consider leaving the relationship. So disrespectful.

LouLou900 · 30/12/2022 01:40

golfwidow88 · 29/12/2022 22:40

Jesus, do you really need a bunch of random people to tell you to leave him??

Why be such a vile b*tch? Not necessary at all. OP is clearly extremely upset. You think this shitty answer helps? People like you disgust me, ugh 🤬.