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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is the way DD plays with dolls odd?

116 replies

AllInTheDollsPlay · 29/12/2022 21:38

DD is 8, school year 4 if relevant.

She loves dolls. Has several baby annabells and similar. She likes to push them round in a toy pram or carry them around, they do go everywhere with her - they sit and watch her in the bath or go in the bath with her if they can - but she doesn’t feed them or change their nappies or their clothes, she just carries them and pushes them around. She does wash the babies in the bath and is constantly singing to them.

I thought it was because she was an only child with little experience of babies as all my friends have older DC.

But a friend said her only DD knew how to “play” with dolls and fed them and changed them etc. I didn;t have much contact with babies but remember feeding and dressing my dolls up.

DD does have dyspraxia and dyslexia as well as Arthritis and Shallow sockets in her joints, not sure if this is why.

She’s happy as she is; laughs if someone pretends to feed her dolls and doesn’t get upset if I change their clothes, she just doesn’t do it herself.

She does play “normally” with other types of toys, she loves building schools with her playmobil and lego, has a lol dolls house she plays shops with (the lego men go shopping as well) and she has remote control cars that she drives up and down the hallway saying their racing and they often have a doll or soft toy or barbie sat in them.

So AIBU or is my DD “normal”?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 29/12/2022 23:03

ShinyMe · 29/12/2022 22:59

I never liked dolls as a child (until I was a little bit older and had Sindys) but I used to line up my teddy bears and toy animals and take a register and make them do sums. They had exercise books and everything.

Me too, in fact I used to read a 'class' story to my teddies and give on of them a gold star for 'good listening skills' 😂

I never took to dolls.

Chattycathydoll · 29/12/2022 23:03

I never fed and changed my dolls, because to me they weren’t just ‘babies’ They were my friends! And I wouldn’t want to change my friends, I’d have been very affronted at the idea. We went on adventures together- I didn’t want to be a mum and baby, although sometimes I was a teacher and they were my class. More often we were going to catch wild animals or investigate fairies (which I really truly believed in also).
there is no correct way to play!

Benjispruce4 · 29/12/2022 23:04

I used to drag mine around naked and cut their hair……. I think I’m normal !😂
Your friend has put ideas in your head.

kimchifix · 29/12/2022 23:05

Well she's got the right idea - changing and feeding are the most boring bits about babies so why would you do that bit when it's not strictly necessary? Your friend, on the other hand, seems to have very much the wrong idea. She needs to go away and think about what she's said. Wink

ThinWomansBrain · 29/12/2022 23:06

more intelligent than your friends' children and realises that ultimately they're plastic with no digestive system?

Cuppasoupmonster · 29/12/2022 23:06

When I was her age I had an imaginary dog, I carried a lead clipped to a collar around and pretended to stroke him 😐 (he was a Great Dane in my imagination). Kids are odd 🤷🏼‍♀️

IneedanewTV · 29/12/2022 23:07

I never knew there was a way to play with dolls. My boys never fed action man.
I had no interest in dolls as a child.
why would a girl “know” how to play with dolls? It’s like a teddy? You don’t feed teddies…. Or mine never got fed.

Shouldhavedoneitsooner · 29/12/2022 23:08

It sounds like your daughter has a separate mental category for ‘dolls’ rather than ‘baby’ which is a perfectly normal way to play with toys. If she hasn’t read the Rumer Godden doll books like The Doll House and Miss Happiness and Miss Flower, I think she’d like them.

RudsyFarmer · 29/12/2022 23:08

Perhaps she’s of an age where she knows there not real and is just treating them as toys.

RudsyFarmer · 29/12/2022 23:09

*they’re

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 29/12/2022 23:10

I have 2 DDs, older teens now.
There is no right or wrong way to play. My two totally used their imagination, and their dolls (they had so many!) ever only had adventures. They were never fed and only changed clothes if their adventure called for it.
Your DD is perfectly normal.

Pearls1234 · 29/12/2022 23:11

I was a matter of fact type of kid. If you’d asked me to feed a doll I’d have said ‘they’re not real, why would they need food?’ 😅 Maybe this is her thinking and the ‘need’ wouldn’t have occurred to her?
But I still played with toys and enjoyed them - just like she’s doing. She sounds fine, OP, and if she’s showing fun and creativity in other ways that’s great! There’s no right or wrong, don’t worry.

Maraudingmarauders · 29/12/2022 23:12

I used to cut the head and limbs off mine and swap them around like Frankenstein's monster. I certainly didn't feed them. I promise I turned out normal!
She sounds absolutely fine OP. Different children play in different ways, I also wouldn't have considered feeding them because as she says, they don't need to eat. If she's playing make believe in other areas I really wouldn't be concerned.

TheLadyofShalott1 · 29/12/2022 23:15

@AllInTheDollsPlay what I think may have happened is that your 'friend' asked your DD about her dolls as something to say to your DD, but your DD gave her a clever and very reasonable answer. I think that your 'friend' was taken aback by this answer, and thought to herself "my own DD isn't as clever as that (and nor am I), but those facts embarrass me, so I will make out that my friend's DD is not playing properly with her dolls, to deflect from the fact that she is actually a clever wee soul".

Well actually, I think it is unlikely that your 'friend' is self-aware enough to realise that both she and her DD had been outsmarted by your DD, she just probably felt awkward, and knowing no better, thought your DD must be at fault somehow, and thought it was ok to say so.

Whatever reason your 'friend' had for saying such a thing to you - I hope that she didn't actually say it in front of your DD - I don't think she is a particularly positive friend to continue the friendship with, which is why I have kept on putting 'friend', rather than just friend, when I have been referring to her.

Your DD sounds delightful OP, and I am sure that your 'friend's' DD is too, but I don't think that your 'friend' is quite so delightful, so please don't waste another second of your time or energy, fretting over what she said 💐

By the way, I voted that you were being unreasonable, but may I clarify that by saying that I meant you were being unreasonable to give what your 'friend' said, a second thought, and to worry that your DD might not be playing will her dolls "properly". I think you sound like a lovely and loving mummy.

EhLov · 29/12/2022 23:20

Her play with them sounds so sweet. There is no right way to play and it sounds like she's having a very happy time.

WilsonMilson · 29/12/2022 23:21

You’re overthinking this big time. She sounds totally normal.

SkylightSkylight · 29/12/2022 23:26

Shadope · 29/12/2022 22:02

@SkylightSkylight but whether a child has a sibling or not doesn’t affect their understanding babies need to be fed and changed! And surely even if true this would only ever be factual for the older sibling hence all youngest siblings would be ‘onlies’ in this respect. Only children are not less caring, not more selfish and not less happy.

@Shadope

Only children are not less caring, not more selfish and not less happy

For the love of fuck. I never said anything like that!! And I object to you saying I did!!!

its one thing objectively 'know' something & quite another for your life to revolve around a baby being fed & changed all the time. A younger child in a family will also see older siblings changing & feeding their baby dolls.

FrangipaniBlue · 29/12/2022 23:26

I'm an only child and how your DD plays with dolls sounds exactly how I did.

I think I turned out ok?

Your friend is an eejit.

Legallypinkish · 29/12/2022 23:28

My daughter had tonnes of dolls when she was little. She didn’t feed her dolls or change them. She only had a couple of outfits for them as she never wanted to get the dressed or anything. She pushed the pushchair around a lot but that was about it. She’s 16 now and it doesn’t seem to have affected her at all !

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 29/12/2022 23:29

My guys have never fed or changed the baby. Generally put it to bed with a lot of shushing and then whisper shouting at anyone in the vicinity to be quiet the baby is asleep. I'm not saying this is something they've observed. They've also pumped milk for the baby. Other then that it's pushing it around and picking it up occasionally- with more shushing. They never feed change read it a story or play with it.

SkylightSkylight · 29/12/2022 23:29

Reugny · 29/12/2022 21:59

@SkylightSkylight there are other settings were onlies and youngest children see babies being fed and changed.

@Reugny of course they are, but it's not like living with a baby where it's bloody constant.

Legallypinkish · 29/12/2022 23:30

To add my DD is my middle child with a brother only 14 months younger so she saw me feed and change him etc.

RunLolaRun102 · 29/12/2022 23:30

My DS will ignore dolls, but will feed and change and sing lullabies to his tractors. Kids are weird lol

StopStartStop · 29/12/2022 23:31

Sounds absolutely fine. I used to set my dolls out with some schoolwork to do and leave them to it. My mother used to get upset that I didn't remember to put them to bed. I knew they were inanimate.

Stripedbag101 · 29/12/2022 23:33

My niece is nine. She loves dolls but doesn’t feed them ever! She laughed at me when I suggested it - they don’t have stomachs apparently!

she also doesn’t name them - I loved naming dolls but it just not something she does. I make up names for them but she just shrugs and says they are dolls.

I don’t think there is anything to worry about 1 all kids play differently.

I for example executed all my sisters dolls. I think I am down now - haven’t embarked on a life of crime or anything .

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