Is the way DD plays with dolls odd?

[AllInTheDollsPlay]

DD is 8, school year 4 if relevant.

She loves dolls. Has several baby annabells and similar. She likes to push them round in a toy pram or carry them around, they do go everywhere with her - they sit and watch her in the bath or go in the bath with her if they can - but she doesn’t feed them or change their nappies or their clothes, she just carries them and pushes them around. She does wash the babies in the bath and is constantly singing to them.

I thought it was because she was an only child with little experience of babies as all my friends have older DC.

But a friend said her only DD knew how to “play” with dolls and fed them and changed them etc. I didn;t have much contact with babies but remember feeding and dressing my dolls up.

DD does have dyspraxia and dyslexia as well as Arthritis and Shallow sockets in her joints, not sure if this is why.

She’s happy as she is; laughs if someone pretends to feed her dolls and doesn’t get upset if I change their clothes, she just doesn’t do it herself.

She does play “normally” with other types of toys, she loves building schools with her playmobil and lego, has a lol dolls house she plays shops with (the lego men go shopping as well) and she has remote control cars that she drives up and down the hallway saying their racing and they often have a doll or soft toy or barbie sat in them.

So AIBU or is my DD “normal”?

In our house a cuddly toy or doll often comes along just to hang out. As another poster says, they're imaginary company. No issues with imagination and there are lots of Playmobil camping trips, theatre shows and so on. But the larger scale toys just sit there to make things friendlier.

Your friend sounds like an asshole, there isn't a right way to play with dolls, you DD sounds absolutely lovely. My DD hates dolls and has never played with any, god knows what your friend would think of that!

Of course whether or not a child has a sibling being changed/fed will affect their understanding! It's nothing to do with whether a child is caring or not - a child who has a younger sibling, and for whom it's a daily reality to see that sibling fed or changed, will simply have these things on the radar in a way a child not seeing those things, won't.

I used to take the clothes off my dolls and give them mud packs/treatments. I had a plastic pram which I used to put water in, then put the muddy naked dolls in and push them around as if they were in a giant bath on wheels.

I didn't ever 'feed' or 'change' them. I never saw them as pretend children or babies.

Dd 3 mainly has dolls that require medical attention. Sometimes she invites them to dinner, they are expected to feed themselves. There’s no “right” way.

It sounds normal to me.
My dd (22) used to tie her Barbies to the legs of chairs and tables.
I asked her recently why and she said she didn't know. sigh

Sounds to me like she enjoys the fun parts of playing with her dolls, whereas changing or feeding them could be perceived as boring Smart lass, if you ask me!

My sister used to feed her doll and I never did because I knew mine didn’t need to eat. I also never changed them. I have never had any interest in changing a baby or doing baby related things until I had my own.

I did cuddle my doll and carry it around with me and liked dolls more in general than my sister. Every child is different.

I don't think I ever fed my dolls apart from the one that had them cherry ball things (and that was because I liked the smell) I was too busy drawing on their faces and cutting/plaitting hair.

I was also a only child :)

Thanks everyone, reassured that my DD is perfectly normal. I have a younger sibling so that might be why I fed and changed my dolls.

I think pretend company sounds great though, she's happy enough. She got a few dolls for Christmas and she loves them and said thank you for them so I do just think it's her and how she plays.

Hmm I wouldn’t look into it too much. She’s obviously enjoying playing with them as she does. And there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

However, you mention dyspraxia. Does this affect how your daughter gets dressed? Her co-ordination or how she eats? It could transpire over as not being something she enjoys therefore why would she wanna do that with her dolly?? Maybe I’m looking too much into it when it’s not necessary.
dyspraxia runs in my family. I’ve never been tested but have an older and younger brother with it. Both struggled with getting dressed as kids!

All sounds perfectly normal to me. Your DD seems to be 'caring' for the dolls as she bathes them. I would only be concerned if she was doing something strange like being violent with the dolls. She probably just doesn't find the pretend feeding and changing interesting. She uses her imagination to care for the dolls in other ways. There's no right way to play.

I wouldn’t worry at all, I never fed my dolls either, or changed them, and I had a younger sister. I also used to just leave them and forget where they were…worrying! I cut their hair and it didn’t grow back, and also tried to make one of them do the splits and pulled it’s leg off, then sellotaped it back on so my parents wouldn’t know. And I’m not even a psychopath…..

Did you ever play with her changing and feeding the dolls when she was little, or did you just leave her to get on with it?

It’s normal.
being an only child has zero to do with it 😂 some children just naturally lean more towards this type of play. My niece did and even know at 14 she’ll take the time out her day to fetch her baby cousins drinks and play games with them on their level.

I’m not sure what I voted for as I’m sure YANBU means you mustn’t worry but clearly there is confusion! She sounds fine and fun 🥰

@caravanbuckie Yes I've always shown her to do these things, I just think she's not interested in that.

What @Bossa09 Said about the dyspraxia is a thought too. She hates getting dressed, and doesn't particularly enjoy eating, she'd eat nothing if left to it so it might be related to that.

Your friend sounds potty. There is no right way to play with anything. I used to wash and cut my Barbie’s hair (for as long as that lasted!) and give them felt tip pen tattoos. Definitely not “playing properly” but very much part of imaginative play. I wouldn’t want to hang out with (or have my DD overhear) someone who was going to make my DD feel less than, for doing something so natural.

I think this thread wins the award for the biggest non-issue of 2022. “help my DD plays with her dolls but doesn’t change their nappies”

I think this shows how girls no longer feel they have to be the mum, she can play with then as friends / not act as mummy in the game. Which means you are a great non sexist household in my eyes 🤣

I mean your dd also knows how to play with dolls - she puts them in the pram and pushes them around, and puts them in the bath. Surely that is how to play with dolls? She doesn’t change their clothes of feed them, maybe that’s not part of her game. Maybe she’s imagining she’s walking her babies somewhere or doing something or other with them when she pushes them around. Maybe she’s imagining she’s a high powered celeb being papped by hidden cameramen with her baby and so doesn’t want to be caught changing the baby. Maybe she’s a spy who is using a boring mum cover and the baby is in fact a robotic decoy that she’ll throw across the room to explode the suspiciously Russian sounding baddie. Maybe she just likes the feeling of pushing them round. Who cares? As long as she’s happy then she does know how she likes to play.

@Boomboom22 No idea how as it#s just me and DD so I do everything

Ah ok, i don't think not having a sibling is relevant then, since you did the role play with her.

@Kanaloa Thank you this post made me laugh a lot

And I do remember my daughter only liked putting dolls to bed. She would lie them on cushions with blankets over them and pat their backs like they did at nursery, then drag them to another spot and do it again. She never bathed them, fed them, changed them. Just put them to sleep. That was her way of playing with them!