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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get the tattoo for just my biological children?

94 replies

TattooQuesi · 29/12/2022 20:34

I know there will be plenty of people here who don't like or agree with tattoos and that's fine I'm not asking for personal opinions on tattoos themselves. I've had a few over the years and like them, I want another one which represents mine and DHs children but I don't want to represent DSC in it as they aren't my children.

Was chatting to my mum about it and she thought DH might be bothered, I don't think he'd care (and it's my body anyway!) And I'd think surely no one would expect their partner to include their children from a previous relationship on their tattoo for their DC?

WIBU? (Fwiw it wouldn't have names and would me small and likely just include times of birth for our DC in some way).

OP posts:
Afterfire · 29/12/2022 20:56

But it doesn’t have to be the names and dobs of the children does it? It can be something that relates to them but isn’t obvious. Dhs are things that are specific to each dc and dsc and they know he got them for them but to anyone else it wouldn’t be obvious, I think that’s nice.

Hadtochangeforthisone · 29/12/2022 21:04

Afterfire · 29/12/2022 20:42

I just wouldn’t get anything if you’re not going to include them. It’s making a statement that you don’t consider them to be your children and I think step children shouldn’t be slapped in the face with that.

My dh has lots of tattoos and he has a tattoo relating to both our son together and my dd from a previous relationship who he’s raised as his own since she was 5. He sees them both as his children and didn’t want either to feel left out.

Utterly bonkers.

You NEVER do anything you wouldn't include your step kids in ?? What nothing ? They NEVER get to spend time with just you their mother without other kids being involved ?

Too strange for words .

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 29/12/2022 21:07

Aren't you allowed anything in regards to your own dc anymore? Maybe ask dh doesn't want a GP to mangle up your fanjo to make it appear you gave birth to extra too?

Original poster
TattooQuesi · 29/12/2022 21:10

Afterfire · 29/12/2022 20:56

But it doesn’t have to be the names and dobs of the children does it? It can be something that relates to them but isn’t obvious. Dhs are things that are specific to each dc and dsc and they know he got them for them but to anyone else it wouldn’t be obvious, I think that’s nice.

I guess I just don't see why it can't be obvious. Why would it matter to my stepkids that I, someone who isn't their mum, didn't get a tattoo dedicated to them? I really can't imagine them caring.

OP posts:
glittermoomoo · 29/12/2022 21:12

TattooQuesi · 29/12/2022 21:10

I guess I just don't see why it can't be obvious. Why would it matter to my stepkids that I, someone who isn't their mum, didn't get a tattoo dedicated to them? I really can't imagine them caring.

Show quote history

Get their names tattooed on your forehead if you want. You are their mum. Why shouldn't that be celebrated. You're not writing PS NOT THEIR MUM

Hafannedd123 · 29/12/2022 21:13

Get the tattoo! I did. My childrens names only. As they are my children and i am
Proud that they are my children.Go for it xx

glittermoomoo · 29/12/2022 21:13

It's your body get whatever the hell you want tattooed on it

Blueblell · 29/12/2022 21:19

No I think that is fine - think of the future

FlissyPaps · 29/12/2022 21:22

YANBU.

Reminds me of when Pete Davidson got Kim & Kanye’s kids initials tattooed on him. Weird.

dutysuite · 29/12/2022 21:24

If I was to separate from my husband and his new partner had our children’s birth dates tattooed on her body I’d find it bizarre, I don’t think I’d like it tbh.

PennyRa · 29/12/2022 21:25

Would you consider including your wedding date on there as well for when dh and step kids came into your family?

imalreadygone · 29/12/2022 21:25

PennyRa · 29/12/2022 21:25

Would you consider including your wedding date on there as well for when dh and step kids came into your family?

She didn't marry her step kids

RamsayEaster · 29/12/2022 21:26

Depends on the relationship with the kids
Would they be upset ?
Could you get a tattoo that represents all the kids instead of names ?

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 29/12/2022 21:27

make it abstract rather than bloody obvious with dates etc

a tree with however many kids you have as fruit, or a bush with that number of roses - something which shows you as mother and the “fruit” you have borne without making it really on the nose

you know what it means

PennyRa · 29/12/2022 21:28

imalreadygone · 29/12/2022 21:25

She didn't marry her step kids

Show quote history

When she married she became their step mother, they became a part of her family that day. Her other children became part of her family the day they were born

gogohmm · 29/12/2022 21:28

I don't think a discreet tattoo is an issue, very different to the posts about holidays or family portraits

imalreadygone · 29/12/2022 21:28

This is ridiculous.

They are your kids. You birthed them. Have their names tattooed on you if you wish. Why should your relationship be diminished and hidden?

imalreadygone · 29/12/2022 21:29

PennyRa · 29/12/2022 21:28

When she married she became their step mother, they became a part of her family that day. Her other children became part of her family the day they were born

Show quote history

They could have been part of her family for years before marriage though

imalreadygone · 29/12/2022 21:30

Was chatting to my mum about it and she thought DH might be bothered he can get his own tattoo then

Benjispruce4 · 29/12/2022 21:32

It’s unnecessary and could cause issues.

FlissyPaps · 29/12/2022 21:33

PennyRa · 29/12/2022 21:28

When she married she became their step mother, they became a part of her family that day. Her other children became part of her family the day they were born

Show quote history

It sounds like her step kids’ mother is around and they spend 50% of their time with her.

So it’s not as if the OP is solely the mother figure in their lives.

Yes, they are part of her family. She most likely loves them, but it wont be the same love she has for her bio kids.

It’s OP’s decision who and what she has tattooed on her. Nobody should be trying to make her feel guilty for this. Or gaslighting her into thinking she should treat her step kids (who already have their own mother) exactly the same.

It’s a tattoo. Ink on skin. It isn’t that deep.

ivykaty44 · 29/12/2022 21:36

id think it a bit weird if you did include other children, if my DDS step mother got a tattoo of this nature - id wonder if it was odd

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 29/12/2022 21:37

Their dm would start a thread about sm overstepping I imagine.
And you would be slated I reckon op..

PennyRa · 29/12/2022 21:37

FlissyPaps · 29/12/2022 21:33

It sounds like her step kids’ mother is around and they spend 50% of their time with her.

So it’s not as if the OP is solely the mother figure in their lives.

Yes, they are part of her family. She most likely loves them, but it wont be the same love she has for her bio kids.

It’s OP’s decision who and what she has tattooed on her. Nobody should be trying to make her feel guilty for this. Or gaslighting her into thinking she should treat her step kids (who already have their own mother) exactly the same.

It’s a tattoo. Ink on skin. It isn’t that deep.

Show quote history

Why would that make difference?... Oh wait the second half looks like you meant to reply to someone else

Staffielove23 · 29/12/2022 21:38

It wouldn’t but I am very close to my step kid. I’d say it would depend on your relationship to them. Would they be bothered at all?