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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get the tattoo for just my biological children?

94 replies

TattooQuesi · 29/12/2022 20:34

I know there will be plenty of people here who don't like or agree with tattoos and that's fine I'm not asking for personal opinions on tattoos themselves. I've had a few over the years and like them, I want another one which represents mine and DHs children but I don't want to represent DSC in it as they aren't my children.

Was chatting to my mum about it and she thought DH might be bothered, I don't think he'd care (and it's my body anyway!) And I'd think surely no one would expect their partner to include their children from a previous relationship on their tattoo for their DC?

WIBU? (Fwiw it wouldn't have names and would me small and likely just include times of birth for our DC in some way).

OP posts:
MMMarmite · 29/12/2022 20:37

Would your step children be hurt by it? If they might be, I'd avoid it altogether.

Martialisthebestpup · 29/12/2022 20:38

Don’t get it somewhere super visible and don’t tell your stepkids about it.
Putting a remote on your body of the times you gave birth sounds reasonable to me. If you kids/step kids ever ask about it frame it like that. It’s about you and your childbirth experiences not a momento to all the children in the family.

FabFitFifties · 29/12/2022 20:38

Of course you are not being unreasonable - yiu mightvsplit up and not even see his children in the future. Your mother's odd to think this.

Martialisthebestpup · 29/12/2022 20:38

Remote = reminder

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 29/12/2022 20:39

It would be weird to include your step kids tbh. If I found out another woman had a tattoo of my kid's name or whatever I'd be hmm

pictoosh · 29/12/2022 20:39

Your kids will always be your kids...but your stepkid maybe not. Yanbu.

Aprilx · 29/12/2022 20:40

I don’t like tattoos but as you say you are not asking about that. I think it is perfectly normal for you to only want to include your biological children in it. My husband is a stepchild and I think he would be more surprised if his stepmother did include him on a tattoo than if she didn’t.

Rubyupbeat · 29/12/2022 20:41

I think if your dsc are close to you, enough to be hurt by it , then maybe avoid the tattoo for now, or have it somewhere discreet?

Afterfire · 29/12/2022 20:42

I just wouldn’t get anything if you’re not going to include them. It’s making a statement that you don’t consider them to be your children and I think step children shouldn’t be slapped in the face with that.

My dh has lots of tattoos and he has a tattoo relating to both our son together and my dd from a previous relationship who he’s raised as his own since she was 5. He sees them both as his children and didn’t want either to feel left out.

JustAnotherManicMomday · 29/12/2022 20:43

I think it depends on circumstances. My dp has raised ds1 since aged 2 like his own. If he had ds2 in a tattoo but not ds1 then I would be utterly devastated as would ds1 as it would feel like a reel kick in the teeth. Had we met when ds1 was say 15 and did not refer to dp as dad I would get it. Like my own step dad met mum when I was 14. I don't call him dad so I think I would be OK with it there.

glittermoomoo · 29/12/2022 20:44

It would be weird to get their names tattooed on you. Just go for it wherever you want. Don't hide the fact you're your kid's mum is nothing to be ashamed of!

SnarkyBag · 29/12/2022 20:45

Just get something that meaningful and represents them to you but no need to tell everyone at every moment what the tattoo represents.

To be honest hearing about the meaning of people’s tattoos is right up there with listening to people tell you what happened in their dream last night.

Floralnomad · 29/12/2022 20:45

It would be weirder to include the names of step children .

Original poster
TattooQuesi · 29/12/2022 20:46

Don't hide the fact you're your kid's mum is nothing to be ashamed of

This is how I feel, my kids are my kids my stepkids aren't. I don't think they'd care really, I can't see why they would.

They live here 50% of the time but they don't call me mum.

OP posts:
glittermoomoo · 29/12/2022 20:46

TattooQuesi · 29/12/2022 20:46

Don't hide the fact you're your kid's mum is nothing to be ashamed of

This is how I feel, my kids are my kids my stepkids aren't. I don't think they'd care really, I can't see why they would.

They live here 50% of the time but they don't call me mum.

Do it

Original poster
TattooQuesi · 29/12/2022 20:46

To be honest hearing about the meaning of people’s tattoos is right up there with listening to people tell you what happened in their dream last night

No I don't intend to tell everyone what it means, obviously DH would know though.

OP posts:
glittermoomoo · 29/12/2022 20:47

He can get his own

Original poster
TattooQuesi · 29/12/2022 20:47

It’s making a statement that you don’t consider them to be your children and I think step children shouldn’t be slapped in the face with that

I guess I just don't see why that would be a surprise to anyone.

OP posts:
glittermoomoo · 29/12/2022 20:49

TattooQuesi · 29/12/2022 20:47

It’s making a statement that you don’t consider them to be your children and I think step children shouldn’t be slapped in the face with that

I guess I just don't see why that would be a surprise to anyone.

I mean they probably don't consider OP their mum. So all is good.

Dartmoorcheffy · 29/12/2022 20:50

Yanbu for not wanting your step kids date of birth listed on you. Yabu (in my opinion) for having any times/dates.. personally I would go for something prettier.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 29/12/2022 20:50

I have emblems for my dc. I had dsc years ago. No longer (won't comment!) and obviously glad I didn't have them on. Never occurred to me to. They have a dm for that!

gamerchick · 29/12/2022 20:51

Eh, why on earth would anybody think this is a thing?

I'd be well weirded out of my exs missis got tattoos of my kids. You just don't Hmm

IncompleteSenten · 29/12/2022 20:53

Perfectly reasonable to just have your children.
If I split with my husband and he went on to have children with another woman, I'd think she was batcrap crazy if she put the times of my children's births on her body.
Bat.
Crap.
Crazy.

mediumbrownmug · 29/12/2022 20:54

You aren’t unreasonable to tattoo anything at all on your body, and if you want mementos of your pregnancies and births, it’s nobody’s business but your own. As you say, you aren’t tattooing their names on you so it shouldn’t be very obvious anyway. If someone asks about the dates, you can say it’s a private memento.

I think it’s a very personal thing, and will differ from person to person with their individual circumstances. Do what feels right to you, and then be gracious not to use it to hurt any feelings. Have a word with your DH to explain why you’re doing it, as your body did a wonderful thing in bringing your children into the world, and I would think he would absolutely understand.

FirstFallopians · 29/12/2022 20:55

If you split up, would you maintain a tattoo-worthy-close-relationship with the dsc?

I’d hazard a guess and say no.

It would be a bit odd if they were included tbh, given that they have an involved mother who is alive and well