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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh, 3 year old, can't hack this all week!

84 replies

caggie3 · 28/12/2022 21:00

I'm 8 months pregnant so admittedly being slightly useless, I feel like Christmas has taken it totally out of me and I'm just exhausted and huge.

3 year old has been cooped up in the house all week and the novelty of new presents has worn off a bit and he's going mad, he just needs to get out. I don't have it in me and I keep asking my husband if he can just take him to do something as he clearly needs it, I suggest taking him to softplay and he says "no it'll be too busy" I say why not the park or a walk and he says "no it's raining" it's rained for days it's not due to stop so I say just puddle suit and wellies and go out anyway, I regularly did before I was this pregnant and DS loves it, "no thanks I'm not getting wet" everything I suggest he just shoots down which whatever fair enough I guess I'm not taking I'm out either, but he's getting so pissed off at DS who is starting to misbehave, he's getting annoyed about him constantly asking for snacks, being a bit destructive.. he's bored! He needs attention. I really am trying but dh just seems to want to lie on the sofa napping or on his phone and wants DS to totally entertain himself. I said this and he said that I want to do the same, yes fine but I'm very heavily pregnant!

We have plans at new year which will get us out the house for a night but it's still days away, the forecast is solid rain, I can't hack days of a bored toddler and grumpy husband! I'm going to have to try and brave softplay with him tomorrow and just hope he'll go in on his own as I don't have it in me. Dh is usually really active and hands on with DS, as am I, but it feels like because I'm taking it really easy he is adamant he has to do the same because it's that time of year but it feels a bit tit for tat when DS is clearly fed up and I have a valid reason?! AIBU?!

OP posts:
RewildingAmbridge · 28/12/2022 21:02

Can you not give him the choice? I need you to take D's out for a couple of hours, he needs to burn some energy and I'm exhausted (and very pregnant). Let him choose where

Invisimamma · 28/12/2022 21:07

Your DH should be stepping up. But you also need to take some responsibility and make sure your 3yr old gets out. Are you on bedrest? Pregnancy doesn't make you housebound. Either insist his dad takes him out somewhere or you do it, or all 3 of you go somewhere.

I know it's not easy but when you have more than one child pregnancy isn't quite as restful and you just have to get on with it. Your husband does need to do more though, don't let him off the hook.

Notimeforaname · 28/12/2022 21:10

Just tell him you need some space and he needs to parent his child whilst you a growing another one, fuckin hell. What a selfish man.

He can go wherever the fuck he wants. I feel sorry for you op. Hope you get the break before the second one arrives.

Notimeforaname · 28/12/2022 21:11

Dont take the child out tomorrow if youre not able. This is what hes waiting for, for you to do it.
Dont enable him to be a shitty parent

thelobsterquadrille · 28/12/2022 21:11

It's a really miserable time of year and I totally understand why your DH doesn't want to be trawling round a park in the pissing rain.

But the toddler needs to do something. Can you not go somewhere like soft play together? You can sit down and have a coffee/cake while DH does the running around.

Pollyforever · 28/12/2022 21:14

You both need to do more. Unless you've got other issues affecting your mobility just being heavily pregnant doesn't mean you can't take your child out. Your husband is being lazy. Go out as a family tomorrow, make the most of the last weeks of just being you three.

Ireallywantsomechips · 28/12/2022 21:14

Oh OP I am with you! I am 7 months pregnant, I don’t do pregnancy well but with all these
bugs going round it’s really kicking my arse this time. DH is ill and he is NEVER ill, so he’s not coping well with it at all. So poor DD (3 in feb) is climbing the walls.

Id love to take her on a walk but given that she’s not been well for god knows how long I don’t want to take her out in the rain! I don’t want to take myself out in the rain, why oh why won’t it stop raining 😂

I’ve dealt with some huge tantrums which isn’t really like DD but I’ve put it down to too much stimulation to no stimulation. I’ve been playing with her presents with her and we’ve done some cooking but I know she just wants to run riot somewhere. Taking her to my mums tomorrow so at least she has new company!

No advice but I just wanted you to know you are
not alone!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/12/2022 21:15

Your husband is a lazy ass- this rain is just unbearable. Soft play is busy- the earliest session of the day is usually more bearable though - or how about a play date your husband could meet at soft play or host? Or any trampoline parks near you that do a toddler session only hour? Swimming- we went yesterday and it was quiet.
he needs to fucking help or I would just go out and leave him and the child to it

ChristmasChair · 28/12/2022 21:16

This is why I like being single. No dashed expectations or reliance on crappy partners!

UWhatNow · 28/12/2022 21:17

It’s not the end of the world for your child to be bored. Adults need down time too.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/12/2022 21:21

So if you need a C sec and have limited mobility for a few days, is he also going to take to his bed? Does he have form for having to always be suffering more than you?

Honestly if you can't say "I'm heavily pregnant. I need a rest and DD needs fresh air, I need you to do your bit" and him actually step up, I'd question how hands on he actually is.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/12/2022 21:22

This is shit for your toddler. A day or two, fine. An entire week, 168 hours, and no one has taken him out even for half an hour. You can't cos you're poorly. So, your husband, I'm afraid, has been parenting shittily.

Relocatiorelocation · 28/12/2022 21:24

Divide and conquer. Say you've booked soflplay in the morning and you'll take dc, and your husband can take him.swimming in the afternoon.
Tell your chil you absolutely won't be going in to the softplay with them....after days cooped up I'm sure they'll be off like a shot.

Purplechicken207 · 28/12/2022 21:26

Maybe you can go together, you sit and get a drink while they play?
I distinctly remember pushing DD on the swing in Feb while literally 5 days away from planned c section, and another mum telling me I was amazing for doing it. Well I didn't feel it. I took forever to waddle to and from the car and was knackered after about 5 mins, but DD had some nice outside time with mummy before DS arrived, and burnt off some energy. DH was working so much, saving leave for after baby arrived, and DD and I had to do something on her non nursery days

I know its hard, but maybe going with them then taking a backseat will at least force DH to do something and let DS burn off some energy/get fresh air? Either that or just tell him go out and do something physical like soft play, swimming, park, country park, a walk and feed the ducks, etc. It isn't raining literally all day everyday so 🤷‍♀️

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/12/2022 21:39

UWhatNow · 28/12/2022 21:17

It’s not the end of the world for your child to be bored. Adults need down time too.

It’s not down time- it’s being couped up with a toddler that needs to get out. That’s not relaxing for anyone

EhCarlos · 28/12/2022 21:40

This is what Pets at Home is for, to take toddlers to look at the animals and fish on a rainy day.
Or your local garden centre. Some have a small soft play next to the cafe.

Whilst I don't think you should have to do it, it will probably do you good to get out too. And it will take your mind of wanting to murder your lazy husband.

Catcherintherice · 28/12/2022 21:40

I know it shouldn’t be necessary, but do you know anyone else who would take DS out? It’s school holidays so possibly a teenager who has babysat previously?
An hour or so at the park shouldn’t be too expensive.
I do realise that it would be preferable for DH to do it.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/12/2022 21:41

Relocatiorelocation · 28/12/2022 21:24

Divide and conquer. Say you've booked soflplay in the morning and you'll take dc, and your husband can take him.swimming in the afternoon.
Tell your chil you absolutely won't be going in to the softplay with them....after days cooped up I'm sure they'll be off like a shot.

Which is fine - Mommy will stay here and watch - until the THREE year old falls over / is pushed over and is sat at the top crying their eyes out. You think the 8 month pregnant woman should leave the preschooler to cry for 30 minutes or climb up and across a soft play???

LeonoraFlorence · 28/12/2022 21:43

Your DH needs to get himself together and take little one out, leaving you to rest. If he doesn’t want to do soft play, he needs to think of something he does want to do! It isn’t fair on your son (or you!).

FoodieToo · 28/12/2022 21:44

Why can't you do anything because you are pregnant ? I had 5 and on the birth dates of the last 3 I dropped the older ones to school and creche ( walking with buggy , at least 6 k ) and then went in and had the baby.
Unless you have a condition that makes you immobile ?
The more you do ( IF you are healthy ) , the better you will feel.

hiraethx · 28/12/2022 21:46

FoodieToo · 28/12/2022 21:44

Why can't you do anything because you are pregnant ? I had 5 and on the birth dates of the last 3 I dropped the older ones to school and creche ( walking with buggy , at least 6 k ) and then went in and had the baby.
Unless you have a condition that makes you immobile ?
The more you do ( IF you are healthy ) , the better you will feel.

She's said that she's 8 months pregnant and feels wiped out by Christmas, why should she drag herself out when her husband could easily step up, just because you did the school run when you were pregnant? Some women experience pregnancy very different.

If at 8 months pregnant you feel wiped out and need to rest than you listen to your body, not someone on mumsnet who wants to imply you're lazy.

FoodieToo · 28/12/2022 21:48

I just think people us it as an excuse. No reason you can't be active and pregnant ( unless you are ill ).

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/12/2022 21:51

FoodieToo · 28/12/2022 21:48

I just think people us it as an excuse. No reason you can't be active and pregnant ( unless you are ill ).

Or rather than an excuse perhaps we don’t all have the same bodies and pregnancies as you!

FoodieToo · 28/12/2022 21:52

Exactly, if you are unwell then you can't bring the toddler out. If you are healthy and having a normal pregnancy there is no reason why you couldn't ?

hiraethx · 28/12/2022 21:54

It's a bit odd to put the responsibility on the heavily pregnant woman rather than the lazy man. If you can't take it easy when you're heavily pregnant when can you?! I'm 33 weeks pregnant and wouldn't cope with a soft-play right now.