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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh, 3 year old, can't hack this all week!

84 replies

caggie3 · 28/12/2022 21:00

I'm 8 months pregnant so admittedly being slightly useless, I feel like Christmas has taken it totally out of me and I'm just exhausted and huge.

3 year old has been cooped up in the house all week and the novelty of new presents has worn off a bit and he's going mad, he just needs to get out. I don't have it in me and I keep asking my husband if he can just take him to do something as he clearly needs it, I suggest taking him to softplay and he says "no it'll be too busy" I say why not the park or a walk and he says "no it's raining" it's rained for days it's not due to stop so I say just puddle suit and wellies and go out anyway, I regularly did before I was this pregnant and DS loves it, "no thanks I'm not getting wet" everything I suggest he just shoots down which whatever fair enough I guess I'm not taking I'm out either, but he's getting so pissed off at DS who is starting to misbehave, he's getting annoyed about him constantly asking for snacks, being a bit destructive.. he's bored! He needs attention. I really am trying but dh just seems to want to lie on the sofa napping or on his phone and wants DS to totally entertain himself. I said this and he said that I want to do the same, yes fine but I'm very heavily pregnant!

We have plans at new year which will get us out the house for a night but it's still days away, the forecast is solid rain, I can't hack days of a bored toddler and grumpy husband! I'm going to have to try and brave softplay with him tomorrow and just hope he'll go in on his own as I don't have it in me. Dh is usually really active and hands on with DS, as am I, but it feels like because I'm taking it really easy he is adamant he has to do the same because it's that time of year but it feels a bit tit for tat when DS is clearly fed up and I have a valid reason?! AIBU?!

OP posts:
Redburnett · 28/12/2022 21:56

Just throw a total wobbler eg hormonal hysterics or tell him you are in agony in early labour or suddenly collapse in a fainting heap at his feet etc.
Men are just such twats, who have no idea about the demands of pregnancy and caring for toddlers. When you get a reaction from him continue the hysterics, or keep clutching your stomach while screaming, or remain 'unconscious' for as long as possible. Let him deal with everything.......and never admit that any part of it was an exaggeration. Hopefully it will wake him up and taking a toddlr out for the day will seem easy in comparison.

picnicshicnic · 28/12/2022 21:57

Invisimamma · 28/12/2022 21:07

Your DH should be stepping up. But you also need to take some responsibility and make sure your 3yr old gets out. Are you on bedrest? Pregnancy doesn't make you housebound. Either insist his dad takes him out somewhere or you do it, or all 3 of you go somewhere.

I know it's not easy but when you have more than one child pregnancy isn't quite as restful and you just have to get on with it. Your husband does need to do more though, don't let him off the hook.

Ha, not a chance would I be out in the rain or crawling around a softplay at 8 months pregnant while my husband napped on the couch.

OP, I've been there. It's hard. While my husband was at work I did all the playgroups etc to get kids out the house and burn off some energy. But when he got home from work, and on weekends, he took over.

Your husband needs to step up.

As a pp said, just say he needs to take him out. It's up to him where they go.

Bestcatmum · 28/12/2022 21:58

Why is your husband being so damned useless. Tell him to take the 3 year old out.
Do you have any friends or relatives who might take him?

BethDuttonsTwin · 28/12/2022 22:02

UWhatNow · 28/12/2022 21:17

It’s not the end of the world for your child to be bored. Adults need down time too.

For days on end? No that's neglectful.

My kids were out every day, whatever the weather. Parenting them was far more difficult if they hadn't been for a good run round or to an outdoor activity. Most days we were out by 9/10 am. I don't say this to sound smug, it was hard work, but much easier than bored, energetic toddlers cooped up in a first floor flat. I did for my own sanity as much as their well being. You DH is an arse. I cannot fathom how such men expect women to manage to keep liking or being attracted to them.

Mariposista · 28/12/2022 22:02

BOTH you and your husband need to man up and get parenting. You are bout to be parents to 2 young children, it’s not going to get any easier!

converseandjeans · 28/12/2022 22:07

You need to tag team - you take toddler out for couple of hours in the morning and come home for lunch then DH takes him out in the afternoon.

At the moment nobody is actually getting to properly relax. I feel sorry for toddler not going out all week.

I don't see why it has to be soft play. A look round Homebase would have kept mine entertained at that age.

Easy ideas - McDonald's lunch, supermarket, pets at home, museum, library, park, pub with a soft play, charity shop, toy shop.

You both need to step up. Do you have any family nearby to visit?

Ivyonafence · 28/12/2022 22:08

Your husband is being selfish and lazy.

I'd be having words at this point.

Badger1970 · 28/12/2022 22:08

The fact that you're even having to ask him isn't a good sign of things to come.

Good luck for when you're managing a newborn and a bored toddler and he's fiddling with his phone on the sofa.

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 28/12/2022 22:09

Why don't you all go out together ? One of you needs to step up and get the boy out it's not healthy to be cooped up for days and being pregnant doesn't mean you can't go for a walk. If husband is really that useless then why are you having another baby with him !

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 28/12/2022 22:11

Catcherintherice · 28/12/2022 21:40

I know it shouldn’t be necessary, but do you know anyone else who would take DS out? It’s school holidays so possibly a teenager who has babysat previously?
An hour or so at the park shouldn’t be too expensive.
I do realise that it would be preferable for DH to do it.

Whaaat. The child has two parents why would they ask a teenager to parent their child ??? Fgs

OutofControl3 · 28/12/2022 22:15

I'm sorry but I'm just throwing in here Iv got 2 weeks left to go, 3 other children age 3-8-10
Yes its Christmas and exhausting but pregnancy is no illness you still have to look after and entertain the children. We have been on windy walks along the beach a few times, drive abouts and done lots in the house to entertain the children iv booked a play for them tomorrow. I will join in with my children and not play the pregnancy card.

mackthepony · 28/12/2022 22:18

There's no excuse. Children need exercise. It's too wet/cold/ whatever doesn't cut it.

Tell your dh to take him out, now

mackthepony · 28/12/2022 22:18

The fact that you're even having to ask him isn't a good sign of things to come.

^
Indeed

BakedTattie · 28/12/2022 22:20

Nah, you’re growing a baby. Tell your husband to get his shit together and get himself and the toddler out the house. seriously, he needs to get a grip

BakedTattie · 28/12/2022 22:21

Oh and having two, yea good luck to him with that. If he thinks 1 toddler is hard work, wait till he has 2 wee ones 😂

Ivyonafence · 28/12/2022 22:21

Does the toddler nap?

Tell DH he needs to take DC out for an activity every morning, he can nap and scroll his phone during the toddler's nap time.

Deathbyfluffy · 28/12/2022 22:21

ChristmasChair · 28/12/2022 21:16

This is why I like being single. No dashed expectations or reliance on crappy partners!

Then on the flip side, my best friend is a stepdad to 4 kids and does all that’s expected and a million times more.

You’ll never let anyone in with that glum attitude, there’s some genuinely lovely people out there (but some lazy shits too)

upandmummin · 28/12/2022 22:25

OutofControl3 · 28/12/2022 22:15

I'm sorry but I'm just throwing in here Iv got 2 weeks left to go, 3 other children age 3-8-10
Yes its Christmas and exhausting but pregnancy is no illness you still have to look after and entertain the children. We have been on windy walks along the beach a few times, drive abouts and done lots in the house to entertain the children iv booked a play for them tomorrow. I will join in with my children and not play the pregnancy card.

Would you like a medal? Star

Duchess379 · 28/12/2022 22:26

'hubby, can you take the 3yr old out before I strangle the pair of you'. 👍🏻

VestaTilley · 28/12/2022 22:27

YANBU. Your poor toddler, stuck in all week.

OutofControl3 · 28/12/2022 22:27

@upandmummin well life doesn't stop because yoyr pregnant, made your bed deal with it she has 1 child to look after and the pair of them can't do it between them! Pathetic to be honest

roarfeckingroarr · 28/12/2022 22:37

What a selfish wanker. I'm also 8 months pregnant and have a 2.4 year old. If DP refused to take him out I would be seriously questioning what sort of person and father he is.

NotAsOldAsIFeel · 28/12/2022 22:56

I feel for you, pregnancy is much tougher on some than others and you need to get any rest you can, while you still can. It's about to get a lot tougher!

Can you leave the toddler at home with his dad and get yourself out (solo) to a coffee shop / friend's sofa / hairdresser for a few hours?

leccybill · 28/12/2022 23:05

What about the cinema? Toddler screenings in the mornings are often cheap and DH can sit and look at his phone if he wants.
We used to take a blanket and sandwiches.

toocold54 · 28/12/2022 23:09

Your DH should be stepping up. But you also need to take some responsibility and make sure your 3yr old gets out. Are you on bedrest? Pregnancy doesn't make you housebound. Either insist his dad takes him out somewhere or you do it, or all 3 of you go somewhere.

I agree.

You think your toddler needs to go out, so therefore you should take him out.

If DH thinks he doesn’t need to go out then you can’t tell him what he should be doing.

If this is a pride thing and you really don’t want to take your child out because of it, then go shopping or something and leave the toddler at home with DH.
If DH finds him difficult then he’ll get off his ass and take him out.