Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Dh, 3 year old, can't hack this all week!

84 replies

caggie3 · 28/12/2022 21:00

I'm 8 months pregnant so admittedly being slightly useless, I feel like Christmas has taken it totally out of me and I'm just exhausted and huge.

3 year old has been cooped up in the house all week and the novelty of new presents has worn off a bit and he's going mad, he just needs to get out. I don't have it in me and I keep asking my husband if he can just take him to do something as he clearly needs it, I suggest taking him to softplay and he says "no it'll be too busy" I say why not the park or a walk and he says "no it's raining" it's rained for days it's not due to stop so I say just puddle suit and wellies and go out anyway, I regularly did before I was this pregnant and DS loves it, "no thanks I'm not getting wet" everything I suggest he just shoots down which whatever fair enough I guess I'm not taking I'm out either, but he's getting so pissed off at DS who is starting to misbehave, he's getting annoyed about him constantly asking for snacks, being a bit destructive.. he's bored! He needs attention. I really am trying but dh just seems to want to lie on the sofa napping or on his phone and wants DS to totally entertain himself. I said this and he said that I want to do the same, yes fine but I'm very heavily pregnant!

We have plans at new year which will get us out the house for a night but it's still days away, the forecast is solid rain, I can't hack days of a bored toddler and grumpy husband! I'm going to have to try and brave softplay with him tomorrow and just hope he'll go in on his own as I don't have it in me. Dh is usually really active and hands on with DS, as am I, but it feels like because I'm taking it really easy he is adamant he has to do the same because it's that time of year but it feels a bit tit for tat when DS is clearly fed up and I have a valid reason?! AIBU?!

OP posts:

Rosebel · 28/12/2022 23:20

Some of these replies are nasty. I felt absolutely horrendous in my last month of pregnancy and absolutely wouldn't be up for climbing round a soft play while DH rested at home.
He should take your toddler out. So what if it's raining? He won't melt. We've been out in the rain today for a walk and just had showers and hot drinks afterwards.
You are growing another life. Your husband isn't. Tell him to stop being so lazy and try being a father instead.

Dixiechickonhols · 28/12/2022 23:23

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 28/12/2022 22:11

Whaaat. The child has two parents why would they ask a teenager to parent their child ??? Fgs

Show quote history

I thought it was a decent suggestion.
Yes ideally dad would do it but he’s not, Op is shattered. It doesn’t bode well for when baby is here but a short term solution of getting someone to babysit isn’t a bad one. Same as me paying dogwalker to give dog a good run out then he’s tired and easier for rest of day.

MenaiMna · 28/12/2022 23:29

Switch off the WiFi and log into his phone contract and severely limit his data allowance- like switch it down to a mb more than ges already used this billing period. If he's going to act like a useless sulky teen you can treat him like one.

Bunnycat101 · 28/12/2022 23:29

There are definitely some over dramatic posts on here. It is not neglectful to have a week chilling at home especially when December can be so busy. Mine have definitely benefited from a few days at
home playing and not having to be up and out. But.. yours is going stir crazy so clearly needs a bit more stimulation now.

If you’re not going to get out tomorrow try some cosmic yoga or do a dance party for him to burn some energy. There are lots of more active games you can do from the sofa (at that age mine enjoyed going up and down the room being different animals for example).

We tried the park over the weekend with my 3yo. She slipped on the equipment as it was wet and had to be carried home as her ankle hurt. I had visions of her being in A&E on Xmas eve. The park in the rain is often grim and less safe so your husband isn’t being unreasonable not to fancy that. Soft play probably will be hideous with all the bigger kids too. But he is being unimaginative. Swimming or a role play type centre would be good but a garden centre or even a walk round the supermarket would get him out the house. Even a quick walk to jump in puddles would at least get him out the house.

User837463839 · 28/12/2022 23:42

There’s probably other options locally than soft play or the park in the rain. Pottery cafe, aquarium, swimming pool, cinema even for a change of scene, then cafe for cake afterwards. Although I agree burning off some energy would be best.
I wouldn’t be asking your DP, I’d be telling him. He needs to take him out, you make some suggestions and he can choose or he can come up with another idea of where to go. He’s not being fair on you or his DC.

choccyporcupine · 28/12/2022 23:49

yanbu. i’m currently 7 days post csection and having to take my toddler to soft play myself tomorrow because dh won’t (but is happy to complain about her behaviour which is clearly down to boredom) fuck men, they’re all dicks

Summerfun54321 · 29/12/2022 00:09

choccyporcupine · 28/12/2022 23:49

I don't know a single man who'd make their 7 day post partum wife parent the younger child and take them to soft play. You could risk tearing your stitches or have a post partum heamorage.

Summerfun54321 · 29/12/2022 00:11

OP tell your DH to take your child out, start parenting or threaten divorce and mean it. Shit husbands are only going to become a dying breed when women stop tolerating them.

Getinajollymood · 29/12/2022 00:22

I really sympathise with you, @caggie3 .

Keeping a toddler entertained is hard work, physically demanding and lonely and exhausting. My husband is ill and I’ve had sole charge of DS all day (and night, he woke up just and now my own pregnancy insomnia has hit.)

He should be doing far more.

Goldbar · 29/12/2022 01:10

Your husband is a lazy arse. You may be 'playing the pregnancy card' (wtf does that mean?!), but he's playing the 'lazy man who can't be bothered to parent his own child' card.

I wouldn't hurry home from hospital when the baby arrives if I were you. With DC2, I was keen to be out of hospital and at home asap when they would have preferred me to stay a day or two longer. I won the argument but in your shoes I'm not sure I would have bothered.

I sympathise in that my DH can be pretty useless about organising stuff with DC1. I often have to say 'please take DC1 swimming' or 'I've booked you in for soft play at 2' or 'how about mini-golf or the adventure playground today?' But if DH suggested he cba to take DC1, he'd get a hard stare and the baby dumped in his lap while I took DC1.

At least when the baby arrives, it's quite simple to give a choice if you're not exclusively bf or if you can express - either do the activity with DC1 or, guess what, daddy bonding time with DC2 😂!

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 29/12/2022 01:40

A lot of pregnancy martyrs out tonight 🤨 maybe, just maybe, people tolerate different parts of pregnancy very differently.

Some people are exhausted, some people are in pain, some people don't sleep very well, some people are sick from certain sights and smells and some people develop perinatal depression from a complete and utter lack of support. Some people even notice, but minimise their poor quality parenting from their spouse usually more so in their second pregnancy as they feel utterly trapped by promises to improve and do better "next time".

Throw a toddler in the mix.

Honestly people, give a dog a bone and when a heavily pregnant woman says she's exhausted and wiped out, maybe just... Believe her?

Her husband is more than capable, just pig ignorant, stubborn and unwilling, and selfish to boot.

mathanxiety · 29/12/2022 01:49

@choccyporcupine

Under no circumstances should you go to soft play at 7 days post CS.

Do not do this.

Your child will survive not getting out.

Ivyonafence · 29/12/2022 01:54

choccyporcupine · 28/12/2022 23:49

You could seriously hurt yourself and jeopardise your recovery.

What an absolute prick.

I'd skip the soft play if I were you. And then once recovered I'd skip out on the husband.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/12/2022 02:03

FoodieToo · 28/12/2022 21:48

I just think people us it as an excuse. No reason you can't be active and pregnant ( unless you are ill ).

Women, not people. You think women use it as an excuse.

I wonder why we don't see 8 month pregnant women running marathons or winning the gymnastics at the olympics... <ponders> could it be that it is physically a little hard and actually does affect you?

Passanotherjaffacake · 29/12/2022 02:06

Just a word of warning OP, I went to soft play at the end of my second trimester (party invite for DD and my husband wanted a break), at some point my waters went (trickle) and I got norovirus which caused a placental ablation! Probably unlucky and I did have placenta previa (but was not told to rest up, just to keep an eye as it might move). Was in hospital for 6 weeks after that trying to keep the baby in!

Murdoch1949 · 29/12/2022 06:37

Some responses are unkind and judgemental. Every woman is different in pregnancy, some can work until they drop, others find their baby bump huge and painful at 8 months. This woman is knackered, she needs to rest and is married to an arsehole. He should be looking after his child & wife and being bloody grateful to do it. Why some men think they can opt out of childcare because there's another adult there is beyond me. You need to give him the choice - either take DC out for 2/3 hours or do the housework and make dinner. His choice.

houseargh · 29/12/2022 06:43

Omg, not fair enough. Your husband sounds completely useless.

Caspianberg · 29/12/2022 06:45

Can you all do a mixture so you all get out at some point?

Dh takes him out alone on his bike or museum or soft play whatever he decides

You take him out for a little stroll around the block for some fresh air.

Everyone as a family goes out to supermarket in the car, or to play park where you can park nearby sit on bench, or cafe for hot chocolate for change of scenery. Maybe local cinema does short kids shows in the morning?

girlmom21 · 29/12/2022 06:54

Is this usual behaviour from your husband?

At this point you need to do what's best for your DS. A winter walk is a much more sensible idea than soft play at 8 months pregnant. Can't all 3 of you go together?

MrsBudd · 29/12/2022 07:02

Do you have a library nearby where you or DH could take him for an hour? Lots of library's have clubs and groups on throughout the week too. Ours is still running these through Xmas hols.

Woodland walk with wellies? Shelter from the rain under the trees and stick a puddle suit on DS.

Garden centre, pet shop or just doing the food shopping and allow DS to choose a small treat or new book etc?

There's loads of stuff your DH could do! Getting wet just means it feels cosy when you get home and have a cuppa 😂

Mindymomo · 29/12/2022 07:19

Can understand DH not wanting to go to soft play, my DH wouldn’t want to do that, but would take young child out for a walk, to the park, MacDonalds or cafe in supermarket and even took him to local pub. Even a drive in the car is better than staying in all day and every day.

Willowswood · 29/12/2022 10:01

Omg how selfish is your husband?

My husband would be the complete opposite in that situation, he would take the little one anywhere if that's what was needed.

Your 'D'H sounds like he needs to do a bit of growing up.

Willowswood · 29/12/2022 10:03

Passanotherjaffacake · 29/12/2022 02:06

That's unusual, and not likely to happen to the OP because it happened to you.

I have had three babies and regularly went to soft play centres and similar when I was heavily pregnant, and that didn't happen to me.

Willowswood · 29/12/2022 10:06

choccyporcupine · 28/12/2022 23:49

They're not all dicks, mine would never act like that, he would be mortified!

Yours definitely sounds like a selfish twat though. Maybe LTB.

foghead · 29/12/2022 10:06

What a selfish and lazy dh you have.
'I'm not getting wet' is so lame.
Tell him to get off his arse and stop being lazy. It's not possible for your ds to be as lazy as your dh. He needs to run and burn energy.

Flip

1 2 3 4