Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So disappointed

96 replies

pollyglot · 28/12/2022 20:55

My son, father of 5, is divorced. He doesn't have the kids very much. Ex is a nightmare. They live a long way from us. Getting Christmas/birthday gifts to them is incredibly difficult for various reasons, so I send him money via online banking for gifts and for celebratory food etc. The kids are old enough to enjoy having spending/saving money. However, this Christmas, despite my giving him a very generous sum for kids' spends and Christmas food, too, he didn't give it to them. Turns out, from DGD1 that he hasn't in the past, either. Child support is crippling, I know, and I've been so generous in the past to give them holidays, generous gifts, paid bills, send food parcels etc. but I feel so let down and betrayed. The kids don't know that Granny has been giving them money for spends or saving. They have never been encouraged to write thank-you notes by their parents. AIBU?

OP posts:
pompei8309 · 28/12/2022 21:01

If the kids are old enough why don’t you send it directly to them? why do you send it to your son . How did you find out they haven’t received it? why would they write thank you notes if they haven’t received anything? it’s all very confusing

Shoxfordian · 28/12/2022 21:02

How old are your grandkids? Can you try to build a better relationship with your ex dil?

Notimeforaname · 28/12/2022 21:02

Your son is stealing money from you ? Jesus.

Backstreets · 28/12/2022 21:02

Of course YANBU!
what an absolutely rotten thing for your son to do, I'm sorry OP. I'd send notes in individual cards from now on, maybe with a gentle nudge you'd love a note back saying what they spent it on or a picture.

poefaced · 28/12/2022 21:03

YANBU. Don’t give him a penny again.

Claddyt · 28/12/2022 21:06

Sorry but the ex doesn’t sound the nightmare here your son does! He doesn’t see them and he’s not been gifting what your giving?!! DISGUSTING!!! Very sad you need to build a relationship with the ex……

Aquamarine1029 · 28/12/2022 21:08

Right... I'm sure it's the ex who's the nightmare. 🙄

Your son is a lying, thieving twat.

Tannedandfake · 28/12/2022 21:09

‘Ex is a nightmare’
😳
Your son appears to be far from great, I’d love to hear the opposite side of this scenario

Changingplace · 28/12/2022 21:10

How awful your son has done this, can you have contact direct with his ex and your GC and send any gifts to them from now on rather than via him?

glittermoomoo · 28/12/2022 21:11

Ex is a nightmare

Ok but your son is a fucking thief and liar.

Changingplace · 28/12/2022 21:12

Oh, and his ex isn’t the nightmare here, your son clearly is, sounds like she’s seen through him long before you have.

Of course the kids haven’t sent thank yous - they’ve never had the gifts, this is on your son all round.

clairelouwho · 28/12/2022 21:12

Given your son's disgusting behaviour here, is it possible that he's led you to believe that his ex is a nightmare when, in fact, it is him who is the nightmare? If you can, contact the ex and going forward, send any gifts directly there rather than through your son who steals from you and actually his own kids.

YANBU.

DampSquids · 28/12/2022 21:12

So he’s a thief and it’s the ex who is a “nightmare”?

You raised a wrong ‘un.

SomethingOriginal2 · 28/12/2022 21:19

Hmm I think you may have some rose tinted spectacles on. "His ex is a nightmare" "child support is crippling". He's stealing from you and his children. What makes you think he even pays child support?
Your son is a thieving shit head I'm afraid.

Original poster
pollyglot · 28/12/2022 21:19

I can't send money through the post, obviously. Anything I did send directly to the kids would be intercepted by the ex. It's a long., complicated and unpleasant story, actually.

OP posts:
NotAnotherBathBomb · 28/12/2022 21:27

Notimeforaname · 28/12/2022 21:02

Your son is stealing money from you ? Jesus.

Right? But the ex is the nightmare

NotAnotherBathBomb · 28/12/2022 21:27

pollyglot · 28/12/2022 21:19

I can't send money through the post, obviously. Anything I did send directly to the kids would be intercepted by the ex. It's a long., complicated and unpleasant story, actually.

What like the way your son 'intercepted' the cash you gave to him? Hmm

Claddyt · 28/12/2022 21:28

Not really as look at what YOUR son has done not only does he not bother he’s stealing from them!

glittermoomoo · 28/12/2022 21:30

pollyglot · 28/12/2022 21:19

I can't send money through the post, obviously. Anything I did send directly to the kids would be intercepted by the ex. It's a long., complicated and unpleasant story, actually.

He's intercepted it though so he's a peice of work. I'd be done with the both of them and hope your grandchildren get in touch with you in the future.

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/12/2022 21:32

Give the kids money direct to them when you see them. If they have their own bank accounts by now get those details too (direct from them rather than their - sadly untrustworthy - parents). Sorry op, sounds a rubbish situation (and not one your son comes out of squeaky clean either..)

Thedoglovesmemore · 28/12/2022 21:32

Child benefit shouldn’t be seen as crippling - it almost never actually covers the cost of the children plus if he rarely sees them then the ‘nightmare ex’ is sole caring for five kids which must be bloody hard work.

he stole from you. If he was short he should have been honest with you. What he has done is unforgivable.

your best bet is to build bridges with the ex (do NOT defend your son to her- he has almost certainly treated her badly too) and have direct contact with your DGCs yourself.

AnotherAppleThief · 28/12/2022 21:32

Just put it in their bank accounts.

Lenald · 28/12/2022 21:35

Ex is a nightmare
🙄

Thisisnotmyname2022 · 28/12/2022 21:36

How do you know he hasn’t passed it on? I ask as my DP was accused of something very similar a few years ago. It was raised Christmas the following year when SIL said they had sent the money direct to ex this year as it hadn’t been received. I knew full well it had, they denied ever seeing DP that year. FWIW, children involved here aren’t DP biological children, however gifts were still exchanged. It became apparent that the Ex wife was keeping the cash herself.

Stompythedinosaur · 28/12/2022 21:37

He stole that money from his own dc, what a pathetic waste of space.

You might not like the ex, but do you think she steals from her own kids? That is quite a low bar and very few parents would do that. Surely it would be better to send gifts there?

Swipe left for the next trending thread