First time poster here. My brother is back from the states with his wife and 2 DC (DS 3yrs & DD 2yrs) Haven’t seen them in over 3 years so was excited to catch up. Very close to my brother and get on well enough with SIL.
So they called over this morning for a play date with our 2 DC - similar ages, I have a DS 2 & DD 1. It just didn’t go well at all. My brother and his wife always refer to how smart their older son is.. can write his own name, so good with jigsaws, gives impromptu concerts etc. My mum is always going on about how bright he is and leaves my fella for dust (her words). I had some trepidation about the visit if I’m honest as my DS does not have many words yet and we’ve been relaxed about it but I was nervous of any comparisons.
Anyway to the incident itself. We have a playroom. They were all playing while we sat separately in the kitchen having coffee. I popped my head in frequently to check on them. Cue some loud crying from my brothers boy. We all go in. He’s crying uncontrollably. My brother asks what happened and after a few minutes he says that my DS would not give him the monster truck. My husband directs our DS to a second truck and asks him to give it to his cousin which he does in a kind gentle way that made me proud ( we’re focusing on sharing with our 2 atm). Throughout the course of an hour there were 2 more incidents of crying from same boy. Each time DS was the cause according to his cousin. The second time it was over a toy but not quite sure what happened. They were close to us but not clear. My nephews leg appeared to be stuck in something so my brother went over. I heard him mumbling something about well if he tries to hit you say no! I remember thinking I was looking in that direction and didn’t see anything of that nature happen but let it go. Tbh I just though my brother was getting overly involved and just let kids be kids!
Anyway third crying incident happened. Just my nephew and DS in playroom. I went in, my brother looked at me and said can you handle? I was like of course (handle what!?).. so I lean down gently to nephew and ask is he ok, can he tell me what happened. Can’t talk with cries. Brother comes in and picks him up. Clearly annoyed says he only cries like this when he’s been hit (same cry as not getting the truck, honestly). Wife follows and says the same. Then say we can’t police your children just so our kids can play without getting hurt. Not a mark on him btw. Listen, no one saw the incident I said. We don’t know what happened. If my DS did anything wrong I would step in (I already had with things such as sharing and grabbing and flailing arms near DN - he did hit her. I saw it. He had to apologize).
DS is learning, can be physical, we always step in for what we witness. He’s very good with his own little sister, goes to childcare, not one mention of hitting.
Things got slightly heated with brother and wife and I. I said they’re not perfect parents as we’re all just doing our best. My DS is younger etc. but I’d never let him bully anyone. It just got uncomfortable, I said best to leave the play date, it might be more enjoyable for them and us if they did their own thing (we had originally planned to go for lunch). It definitely escalated quickly but there were already underlying tensions with our different parenting styles. We hugged and admitted we’re all tired, young kids, working though Christmas with no childcare (us) and traveling with small ones (them).
But it’s left a bad taste in my mouth as we don’t see them much at all - AIBU?