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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lifeguards at swimming pool

115 replies

Harcar · 28/12/2022 11:52

I went swimming with DS who has ASD and DH yesterday. It would have been great and we would have all had a lovely time. There was a big slide DS was desperate to go on but there is a height restriction and only for people who can swim independently, neither of which DS can do. I suggested DH went on with DS but the lifeguard at the top manning the slide said no. She just watched as DH grappled with DS who was having a huge tantrum and risked falling down the stairs and getting seriously hurt. Should she have done more?

OP posts:
DuplicateUserName · 28/12/2022 16:20

You said in your OP...

I suggested DH went on with DS but the lifeguard at the top manning the slide said no. She just watched as DH grappled with DS who was having a huge tantrum and risked falling down the stairs and getting seriously hurt.

So this is 100% your husband's fault because he decided to risk his son 'falling down the stairs and getting seriously hurt', by insisting on 'reasoning' with him rather than removing him like you wanted him to?

And 'grappling' couldn't be more different to 'reasoning', so I'm surprised it's the Lifeguard you're looking at here instead of him.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 28/12/2022 16:21

Poor lifeguard

AnaBannanna · 28/12/2022 16:23

Harcar · 28/12/2022 16:00

On another forum not strictly a parenting one. I asked can a person born blind with no sight imagine the world. This was just out of curiosity. A person replied that it was a ludicrous question, yet another person asked an almost identical
question and another person was happy to give an answer. Is that an offensive question.?

What are you on about?

Glittertwins · 28/12/2022 16:36

Clearly she is blind and can't read the basic safety guides at the pool??

FleasNavidad · 28/12/2022 16:39

"On another forum not strictly a parenting one. I asked can a person born blind with no sight imagine the world. This was just out of curiosity. A person replied that it was a ludicrous question, yet another person asked an almost identical
question and another person was happy to give an answer. Is that an offensive question.?"

Thanks for clearing everything up OP 🤣

Original poster
Harcar · 28/12/2022 16:41

Was a new question. Maybe better for the disabillities section.

OP posts:
HerMajestysRoyalCoven · 28/12/2022 16:42

Have you managed to work out what more the lifeguard could’ve done to parent your kid for you OP?

Hobnobswantshernameback · 28/12/2022 16:43

So are you visually impaired?
is that relevant to this thread?

Spiderboy · 28/12/2022 16:45

This can’t be real. Your DS didn’t meet the requirements of the slide but you and your OH still decided it was appropriate to walk him up there and you’re annoyed the lifeguard didn’t do more when your child had a tantrum at not being allowed on?? 😂

DuplicateUserName · 28/12/2022 16:46

Hobnobswantshernameback · 28/12/2022 16:43

So are you visually impaired?
is that relevant to this thread?

I don't think so.

I think the OP's just trying to avoid telling us

A.) What more the Lifeguard could've done in her opinion.

B.) Why she's not angry with her husband that he chose to put his child in danger by grappling with him at the top of the steps.

bakebeans · 28/12/2022 17:03

What did you want her to do? Join in with your husband and son having a wrestling match on poolside.

I like the fact you have brought your son"s asd into the equation like it would make a difference. The lifeguard isn't to know this but you do and if none of you like keeping to the rules then don't go again.

Dalekjastninerels · 28/12/2022 17:07

OP

Your son's ASD had nothing to do with it.

The rules are there for safety reasons.

Maybe don't give things as an option to your child unless you are sure they are options in the future.

IneedanewTV · 28/12/2022 17:22

op no offence but are you ok?

HomeAGnome · 28/12/2022 17:48

IneedanewTV · 28/12/2022 17:22

op no offence but are you ok?

My thought too @IneedanewTV

WashAsDelicates · 28/12/2022 17:54

How long has your ds had his ASD diagnosis? Is this still a new way of life that you are navigating?

For many children with ASD, the act of going up those steps would be confirmation that they would be going down the slide. Daddy had even told them that they would go down together. Maybe he didn't say that, but that's how the child understands it. Too many ifs and buts either overwhelm, or they just get filtered out and ignored.

Original poster
Harcar · 28/12/2022 23:16

DS has only recently had a diagnosis. I am ok but it can be hard especially if DH and I are not on the same page and communicating, which can be difficult in these situations.

OP posts:
Original poster
Harcar · 28/12/2022 23:17

Thank you for asking. I read these AIBU posts and the answers are brutally honest.

OP posts:
CrochetIsCool · 29/12/2022 00:06

I don't think the lifeguard could or should have done more in this situation. However I have found lifeguards at our local pool to be helpful and supportive with my grandchild who has ASD and global delay. Some examples: when we first started going swimming they asked if I would like to go through to the pool a few minutes before the session started so we could get in quietly. Gave me a heads up before the end of a session so we could leave before the whistle as he can be upset by noises such as this. Offering me somewhere to leave a bag poolside so we could exit quickly if needed without trailing through to the lockers at the far end of the changing room. All small things that made a big difference - swimming is now a favourite activity

Original poster
Harcar · 29/12/2022 08:00

That’s really good, there are some very helpful people in genuine situations. DS loves swimming and he loves his lessons. This was an extra swim over the holiday. We will try another pool we know has no slide. It’s a lesson learned and I realise now the lifeguards job is to ensure the safety of all swimmers. Unfortunately one or two lifeguards did stand staring, which yes it wasn’t their job to intervene but then they should have been watching the swimmers, not staring at us.

OP posts:
londonrach · 29/12/2022 08:08

What else could she do...your child can't swim and too small for the slide. Re the parenting that's not her problem either . Yabvvvvu

SophieJo · 29/12/2022 08:15

What on earth we’re you both thinking! I feel very sorry for the lifeguards having to deal with the situation you caused.

Bard6817 · 29/12/2022 08:38

Harcar · 29/12/2022 08:00

That’s really good, there are some very helpful people in genuine situations. DS loves swimming and he loves his lessons. This was an extra swim over the holiday. We will try another pool we know has no slide. It’s a lesson learned and I realise now the lifeguards job is to ensure the safety of all swimmers. Unfortunately one or two lifeguards did stand staring, which yes it wasn’t their job to intervene but then they should have been watching the swimmers, not staring at us.

Hang on, your DC was creating a scene in a risky environment, but you think the life guards should not have been observing you??? The other swimmers were observing the rules presumably, not in distress, and clearly not attracting any form of attention. Not all dangers in a swimming pool are ‘in the water’.

Seriously.. Wtf.

Original poster
Harcar · 29/12/2022 08:44

Sorry no this was back in the pool minutes later as we were trying to distract DS by swimming with him. Sorry I didn’t explain this wasn’t at the slide.

OP posts:
AFS1 · 29/12/2022 08:54

So your child was then having a meltdown IN the pool? Of course the lifeguards were keeping an eye on the situation. Sounds like they can’t win in your eyes. When you’re on land you expect them to leave their station and help you and DH parent your child. When your son is presenting in what could be a dangerously uncontrolled manner in the water, you accuse them of “staring”.

AnaBannanna · 29/12/2022 08:56

Regardless of your sons ASD, every scenario that you have mentioned while trying to lay any blame on the lifeguards is unreasonable.

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