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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lifeguards at swimming pool

115 replies

Harcar · 28/12/2022 11:52

I went swimming with DS who has ASD and DH yesterday. It would have been great and we would have all had a lovely time. There was a big slide DS was desperate to go on but there is a height restriction and only for people who can swim independently, neither of which DS can do. I suggested DH went on with DS but the lifeguard at the top manning the slide said no. She just watched as DH grappled with DS who was having a huge tantrum and risked falling down the stairs and getting seriously hurt. Should she have done more?

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 28/12/2022 12:22

What more could she have done?

I suppose she could have allowed it and then performed CPR when your non swimming DS drowned. Or provided first aid when the two of them going down together resulted in one or both sustaining injury such as a head clashing with a nose, and blood going over the place necessitating the entire thing closed down, whilst you struggled to get your non swimming child out of the water.

Or she could have stood her ground and not let two entitled parents insist that rules in place to protect non swimmers from featuring on the BBC website and resulting 'what were the pool staff thinking?' posts on social media when it all goes horribly, tragically wrong are ignored.

Autumnnewname · 28/12/2022 12:23

I'm another one calling reverse

OP if you or a DC were the lifeguard, then well done.

CoffeeBoy · 28/12/2022 12:25

Ok I apologise about my “badly behaved “ comment as he has asd. Sorry I missed that, just saw the op talking about having a tantrum. But my expectations of the lifeguard remain the same. First she wouldn’t know the kid has asd, secondly she still isn’t allowed to leave her post. She shouldn’t even be getting distracted by this sort of stuff.

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 28/12/2022 12:31

Tbh I see this often in theme parks. Parents with children that are visibly smaller than minimum height, queuing up for ages and then blaming staff for their child being disappointed and crying. The height restrictions are online ,so they could check at home. There are signs around most parks and normally at the start of the queues. The rules are there for safety. Plenty of opportunities for parents to check. So much anger at being told no, when the risk is so high. Even worse are the ones encouraging their kids to look "taller", go on tip toes or putting them in shoes with very thick soles to bypass the restrictions.

It's not the kids' fault or the staff's.

MrsMurphyIWish · 28/12/2022 12:31

This can’t be real.

My son has ASD and this year we stayed at a hotel with an on-site water park. He’s a confident swimmer but was 2cm below the cut off for the popular slide. Depending on who was the lifeguard, meant whether he was allowed on or not. I could have said “such and such, let him on” but didn’t. Lifeguards are in charge, they have a huge amount of responsibility. Respect their judgement.

AnotherForumUser · 28/12/2022 12:39

YABVU. You and your DH are entirely responsible for your child's disappointment and reaction. How dare you try to blame a lifeguard who was more mature and showed more responsibility for your child's safety than you. Your child was 1) not tall enough and 2) couldn't swim independently. The rules are there to protect the swimming pool user. Only entitled fuckwits believe they are so special that such rules can be ignored

DuplicateUserName · 28/12/2022 12:47

Why do people start these threads and not bother returning? 🙄

HerMajestysRoyalCoven · 28/12/2022 13:41

Clearly a reverse. 🙄

RoomOfRequirement · 28/12/2022 13:42

This is getting ridiculous now.

Your reverse is BS.

And the parent in this situation needs to grow up and parent her child.

Glittertwins · 28/12/2022 13:44

Having been a lifeguard and also spending most of my time at a pool, that one did exactly the right thing in not allowing the child down the slide.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 28/12/2022 13:48

You caused the tantrum by suggesting DH broke the safety rules.
Are you always self obsessed or just thick?

SomethingOriginal2 · 28/12/2022 14:10

If your DH couldn't handle your son on the stairs how the fuck was he going to keep them both safe at the end of the slide? It presumably goes into deep water.
It was an error of judgment on your part, you tried to do something dangerous to avoid dealing with a meltdown. You should have dealt with it better I'm afraid.

luxxlisbon · 28/12/2022 14:17

What exactly should the life guard have done? Your son wasn’t tall enough AND couldn’t swim independently, why on earth would she let him go down the slide considering both those things?

Underhisi · 28/12/2022 14:29

It's not a reverse. The OP has posted about her child with ASD before.

No the lifeguard shouldn't have done more. They are there to do a specific job.

RoomOfRequirement · 28/12/2022 14:36

Underhisi · 28/12/2022 14:29

It's not a reverse. The OP has posted about her child with ASD before.

No the lifeguard shouldn't have done more. They are there to do a specific job.

Not a reverse?! Wow. OP is really THAT self absorbed and completely unaware of how to look after her child? She really believes other people should parent for her and DH? She chose to cause a scene at the pool and then complain?

I can not believe this. Wow.

Original poster
Harcar · 28/12/2022 15:51

I wanted to take him away from the situation but DH insisted on reasoning with him by the steps. DH didn’t want to just take him away. DS was happiest when we left the pool and went home so he could just play with his toys. It’s a lesson learned and a lesson to find out about places before we go.

OP posts:
FangedFrisbee · 28/12/2022 15:53

Harcar · 28/12/2022 15:51

I wanted to take him away from the situation but DH insisted on reasoning with him by the steps. DH didn’t want to just take him away. DS was happiest when we left the pool and went home so he could just play with his toys. It’s a lesson learned and a lesson to find out about places before we go.

But there were signs about the height restriction. Your DH caused this situation and the life guard was doing their job

Original poster
Harcar · 28/12/2022 16:00

On another forum not strictly a parenting one. I asked can a person born blind with no sight imagine the world. This was just out of curiosity. A person replied that it was a ludicrous question, yet another person asked an almost identical
question and another person was happy to give an answer. Is that an offensive question.?

OP posts:
DuplicateUserName · 28/12/2022 16:02

Harcar · 28/12/2022 15:51

I wanted to take him away from the situation but DH insisted on reasoning with him by the steps. DH didn’t want to just take him away. DS was happiest when we left the pool and went home so he could just play with his toys. It’s a lesson learned and a lesson to find out about places before we go.

But you both put him in that situation by assuming the rules didn't apply to your child.

Why do you think the Lifeguard could've done anything different?

Original poster
Harcar · 28/12/2022 16:02

We do find it difficult sometimes with DS but we are getting help and advice.

OP posts:
DuplicateUserName · 28/12/2022 16:03

Harcar · 28/12/2022 16:00

On another forum not strictly a parenting one. I asked can a person born blind with no sight imagine the world. This was just out of curiosity. A person replied that it was a ludicrous question, yet another person asked an almost identical
question and another person was happy to give an answer. Is that an offensive question.?

Eh?

What now? Confused

ThinWomansBrain · 28/12/2022 16:06

Call security and have all three of you removed?

NoSquirrels · 28/12/2022 16:07

I wanted to take him away from the situation but DH insisted on reasoning with him by the steps. DH didn’t want to just take him away.

So you were both (2 parents) at the top of the slide by the steps with your DS? And you still thought perhaps the lifeguard should have helped?

This was a parenting problem for parents to solve, not a life guarding problem for the lifeguard.

Underhisi · 28/12/2022 16:18

The lifeguard ( or anyone else) isn't going to intervene in this situation. They don't know your child, how to deal with them or how your child is going to react. They were expecting you to move them as soon as possible.

HomeAGnome · 28/12/2022 16:19

I agree it's a good idea to check before you go @Harcar but you shouldn't have taken him near it when you could see there were restrictions
That's on you- the parents, nothing to do with the lifeguard
I'm glad you are getting help and advice along with some support hopefully