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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wont stop asking!

852 replies

Castleontheisland · 28/12/2022 05:05

Name changed for this as my other threads are quite outing. Sorry its long!

Me and partner are away for a few days over Christmas, our next door neighbour has a spare key for our house for emergencies (we have their spare house key as well). We are not close friends just normal neighbours, They have had family visiting over Christmas/new year. On boxing day they text me and asked if some of their family could sleep in our home as more of the family had arrive unexpectedly! We said no because beds need changing and heating not on etc.(also I dont want strangers in my home)Well since then we have had text after text asking over and over again! I have also repeatedly tried to ring them but they are not picking up! The last one was very late last night (I was already in bed asleep)asking again and saying the family who they want to stay's car has broken down! I feel like packing up here and going home now as so worried they will just use my house anyway! I dont have any friends or family nearby who can check on my home. My partner has said they surely wont just use our house but I'm not sure they wont. 😥

OP posts:
lamaze1 · 28/12/2022 10:47

The fact they may need time to pack isn't their problem. A short period of time should focus their minds and get them packing.

Ursuladevine · 28/12/2022 10:47

ConfusedmumUC · 28/12/2022 10:38

I’m not sure I agree with this? The op clearly means the keys were for emergencies whilst they were away, at no point did she agree for them to move their family in! If you give your car keys to the concierge at a hotel and they drive off in it for a long weekend… is that ok because you GAVE them the keys?

Show quote history

No because very clear parameters stated in writing as to the concierges role and remit as to your car and his role

oakleaffy · 28/12/2022 10:50

Ursuladevine · 28/12/2022 10:44

Did you kick the lodger out?

Show quote history

No- he was leaving anyway end of hols ( Uni student) he was otherwise trustworthy and a good lodger.
I only knew because of the dirty sheets in both our beds.

Re keys, I don’t have any left with neighbours-
If I lost my keys I’d be in trouble-

Greyarea12 · 28/12/2022 10:50

Sounds like they already have their family members staying in your home and the reason they keep asking is in the hope you will say yes and they won't get caught out.

Ursuladevine · 28/12/2022 10:52

oakleaffy · 28/12/2022 10:50

No- he was leaving anyway end of hols ( Uni student) he was otherwise trustworthy and a good lodger.
I only knew because of the dirty sheets in both our beds.

Re keys, I don’t have any left with neighbours-
If I lost my keys I’d be in trouble-

Show quote history

Gob smacked you allowed him to continue to stay after having so grossly breached your trust

amonsteronthehill · 28/12/2022 10:52

Unexpected family? Then their car mysteriously 'broke down?'

Right.

Sounds like they'd already decided they could put them up in your house, tbh.

I hope your family is able to check for you and turf them out if that's the case.

emptythelitterbox · 28/12/2022 10:55

MarvelMrs · 28/12/2022 10:40

Tell them no as their guests would be very uncomfortable with the CCTV cameras that you have in each room including the bathroom.😉

Brilliant
😂

Gensola · 28/12/2022 10:56

I had something much less crazy happen with a friend who I gave keys to - she decided to let herself in when we were away to leave a surprise present for us on the kitchen table, and she couldn’t understand when we were like wtf, boundaries!!

letshaveanicecuppatea · 28/12/2022 10:56

Scottishskifun · 28/12/2022 10:06

Jesus this is Cf of the highest order!

Get the key back and install a keybox don't give CF neighbours the code but its there incase in future you need something checked on.

Just wanted to say don't use a keybox.
My neighbour has one so that the medics can drop his meds at his house and put them straight in the fridge for him when he's at work.
A burglar smashed it off the wall to break into the house.
Luckily for him it was the one time he'd forgotten to put the key back in the box, so all the burglar got was an empty box.

Polik · 28/12/2022 10:56

I am amazed anyone is this cheeky. I genuinely don't think I know anyone who would behave like your neighbours op.

letshaveanicecuppatea · 28/12/2022 10:58

daisychain01 · 28/12/2022 09:38

..... and we wacked up your heating because we were cold.

oh and sorry but we accidentally left your door open because we don't know you, wouldn't know you if we passed you on the street, and aren't in the slightest bit bothered about the security of your property.

the OP gave their key to the NDN for emergencies for example if they ever lost their house key and were locked out, not so it could become open-house for their rent-a-crowd rellies.

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Oh yeah, and btw we all used your landline to phone rellies in Oz several times for nice long chats....

Kalasbyxor · 28/12/2022 11:00

Ursula, perhaps OP doesn't have a way of contacting anyone closer thsn her sister and BiL?
I am on speaking terms with lots of my neighbours, and wouldn't, in theory, mind them popping around to check on my house if I was away, but I wouldn't be able to contact them if I was away as I haven't had the foresight to exchange phone numbers with them.
I do have phonenumbers of colleagues living nearby but wouldn't feel comfortable to contacting them in the holidays for a personal matter.
I have friends I could ask, but if you're new to an area, as perhaps OP is, it's not a given to have friends nearby?

Ursuladevine · 28/12/2022 11:05

The thought of having no one I have the contact details of or close enough to… both me and my partner within a 60 odd mile radius? Mind you, the thought of giving my house keys to people I hardly know is beyond me. So clearly OP and I aren’t similar

Stripedbag101 · 28/12/2022 11:05

Ursuladevine · 28/12/2022 09:30

“Changing all the locks”

that isn’t a small inexpensive job

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I changed the locks on three doors a few weeks ago. It cost £90 for the specific locks I wants. I did it myself.

very easy.

I always change locks when I move house - this time it was because I got new doors and I like the thumb turn ones so just changed them immediately.

changing a lock on a standard door is really easy.

Aldith · 28/12/2022 11:06

I live in a cottage flat so my downstairs neighbour has our key and we have hers. Neither of us would dream of entering the other persons home unless our bath was leaking through her ceiling or similar.

Your neighbours are CF and it is the height of rudeness to keep asking to use someone else’s home. As others have said it sounds like they planned to use your home to save on hotel costs. At least you have someone going to check now.

Message your neighbour when your family are outside and say my mum/brother in law /sister left something in my house that they really need before I’m back so I said they could just knock on your door for the key.

TrainedByCats · 28/12/2022 11:07

Key safes should be regarded as somewhere useful to leave keys for a short period of time during the day rather than secure storage. They are not hard to break into.

I’d definitely be getting a Ring doorbell and new locks (and sending my neighbour an invoice if I found they had used my house, but I wouldn’t expect them to have the decency to pay up)

Travis1 · 28/12/2022 11:07

I’d send them a message telling them to put the key through your letterbox. What absolute fuckery on their part

Ursuladevine · 28/12/2022 11:10

Stripedbag101 · 28/12/2022 11:05

I changed the locks on three doors a few weeks ago. It cost £90 for the specific locks I wants. I did it myself.

very easy.

I always change locks when I move house - this time it was because I got new doors and I like the thumb turn ones so just changed them immediately.

changing a lock on a standard door is really easy.

Show quote history

Have you checked whether adheres with your insurance for any door with outside access?

RosesAndHellebores · 28/12/2022 11:13

@Ursuladevine I disagree. It is giving them keys on the understanding that they are held for an emergency pertaining to the owner and/or their family living there. Such emergencies being a family member having lost or forgotten their key. Close neighbours may agree for plants to be watered, animals to be fed.

There may be an emergency such as a burst pipe, attempted break in, in which case the neighbour may call a plumber/the police/board a broken window but would in 100% of cases call the owner to let them know and seek permission for any works.

In this case there is no explicit or implicit agreement that the owner's property aysha be used as a boarding house for the neighbour's family. I am sure there must be case law, equally if the trespassers remain, I suspect they may accrue squatting rights.

Sadly, in this case, the relationship between neighbours is never going to be the same. The neighbour appears to have no boundaries.

sweetdreamtennasee · 28/12/2022 11:14

absolutely awful.

Let’s say you get back and asses your house to find damage/proof they have stayed, it would not be unreasonable imo to have the neighbours pay for

-any damages to be repaired
-cleaning fee
-bills covered
-lock change

Could get very expensive for them. Cheaper to pay for a place to stay next time. vile behaviour.

Workinghardeveryday · 28/12/2022 11:14

@Castleontheisland this is dreadful.

What are you going to do? They are obviously already in your home, using your gas and electric etc. Probably going through your things.

Are you sending someone round? If you do it would need to be early morning or late night as they will more than lightly be at your neighbours…

daisychain01 · 28/12/2022 11:15

letshaveanicecuppatea · 28/12/2022 10:58

Oh yeah, and btw we all used your landline to phone rellies in Oz several times for nice long chats....

Show quote history
Grin
Ursuladevine · 28/12/2022 11:15

RosesAndHellebores · 28/12/2022 11:13

@Ursuladevine I disagree. It is giving them keys on the understanding that they are held for an emergency pertaining to the owner and/or their family living there. Such emergencies being a family member having lost or forgotten their key. Close neighbours may agree for plants to be watered, animals to be fed.

There may be an emergency such as a burst pipe, attempted break in, in which case the neighbour may call a plumber/the police/board a broken window but would in 100% of cases call the owner to let them know and seek permission for any works.

In this case there is no explicit or implicit agreement that the owner's property aysha be used as a boarding house for the neighbour's family. I am sure there must be case law, equally if the trespassers remain, I suspect they may accrue squatting rights.

Sadly, in this case, the relationship between neighbours is never going to be the same. The neighbour appears to have no boundaries.

I am afraid that it just doesn’t work like that.

oakleaffy · 28/12/2022 11:20

Ursuladevine · 28/12/2022 10:52

Gob smacked you allowed him to continue to stay after having so grossly breached your trust

Show quote history

It was just a few days more before he was due to move in to a proper student house- He said “ I didn’t think you’d mind” .
It was cheeky though.