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Original poster

To want to know where I stand in this situationship?

80 replies

MaximumTasteNoSugar · 28/12/2022 00:37

I've not dated in 10 years or so, and I'm well aware that the dating world is very different now (seeing eachother is apparently different to dating which is also apparently different to being exclusive which is ALSO apparently different to being in an actual couple... wtf?!)

I've started seeing someone, we were friends for years first and we've been romantically involved for about a month and a half. We both have busy schedules (I'm a single parent and he works 2 jobs) so we only really get to see eachother once or twice a fortnight, which means we've actually only seen eachother about 6 times since becoming romantic. We have sex every time we're together which us great, he's very caring and sweet and I don't doubt that he cares for me.

HOWEVER..... I very much want to be the type who can go with the flow, take things as they come, not get caught up in "what are we" or "where is this going".

But, WHERE ARE WE??

I'm seeing him this weekend, and part of me wants to get it over with and ask the question but the other part just wants to let things progress naturally and not be such a nag.

For context, we're both 31, he's a very open person and a fantastic communicator, and I'm definitely not lol and I avoid confrontation or awkward conversations at all costs 😂 most of the time to my own detriment.

What should I dooooo?

OP posts:
Fizzadora · 28/12/2022 00:40

It's been 6 weeks. You are just dating. There is no such word as situationship.

Pascor · 28/12/2022 00:44

That's not a word. And you're nowhere.

SingedToast · 28/12/2022 00:44

If you’ve seen one another a total of six times ‘romantically’, aren’t you very much in the initial ‘seeing what this is like’ stage? Where do you want it to go?

gannett · 28/12/2022 00:45

You should absolutely communicate any questions you have rather than getting yourself tied up in knots unnecessarily but I'm not actually sure what your question is. "Where are we?" is too vague a question and I'd have no idea how to answer it after only six weeks. You're in the very very early days of dating and it seems promising, but at six weeks neither of you know where this is going! It's too early to know!

If you want to make it exclusive, by all means ask that. If you want to refer to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, by all means ask that (IMO it's too early, but for some people it wouldn't be). Ask about specific things, don't just lob in a vague "what are we/where are we?"

Hopefullyhelpful1 · 28/12/2022 00:46

Have you asked him?

Unsureofitall · 28/12/2022 00:48

You're just gonna have to be upfront and ask him. I would say you're seeing each other but he may or may not want things to progress further. I'm guessing you do. I hope you get the outcome you want!

AtTheNursingHome · 28/12/2022 00:48

you want to define it after six dates? he should run for the hills

NavySequins · 28/12/2022 00:49

As you were friends for years I think this is slightly different to the usual dating someone you don’t really know.

As he’s a great communicator maybe you should open up the topic and see where it goes from there? Maybe?

He obviously likes you and you him, so talk to eachother.

Original poster
MaximumTasteNoSugar · 28/12/2022 00:49

Situationship is typically used for when two people are seeing eachother before they've put a label on it, in case anyone didn't know.

I know its early days but like I said we were friends for years before anything happened so we both know eachother really well and care about eachother. I think it's just been so long for me since I've dated or anything, I feel like I'm new to it all!!

OP posts:
Original poster
MaximumTasteNoSugar · 28/12/2022 00:50

AtTheNursingHome · 28/12/2022 00:48

you want to define it after six dates? he should run for the hills

How supportive 🙄 I haven't said I want to define anything and it's not been six dates where I didn't know him beforehand. Why comment if you're going to be rude and unhelpful?

OP posts:
Pascor · 28/12/2022 00:50

It's not typically used at all. Because it is NOT A WORD.

Original poster
MaximumTasteNoSugar · 28/12/2022 00:52

Pascor · 28/12/2022 00:50

It's not typically used at all. Because it is NOT A WORD.

Ok I don't really care if you or others don't think it's a word lol that's not my question

OP posts:
Original poster
MaximumTasteNoSugar · 28/12/2022 00:53

Just googled it -

a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established.

So I guess it is a word lol.

OP posts:
AtTheNursingHome · 28/12/2022 00:53

MaximumTasteNoSugar · 28/12/2022 00:50

How supportive 🙄 I haven't said I want to define anything and it's not been six dates where I didn't know him beforehand. Why comment if you're going to be rude and unhelpful?

Show quote history

oh ok, you don’t want to define it but you’re dying to ‘ask him the question’ Hmm

monsteramunch · 28/12/2022 00:54

Situationship is typically used for when two people are seeing eachother before they've put a label on it, in case anyone didn't know.

I know people do use it but surely 'seeing each other' or 'dating' cover this.

People say it's to avoid putting labels on it... but it is a label.

Dating or seeing each other are much more natural and less of a big deal than using what is simply another label!

LipsSoScarlet · 28/12/2022 00:54

I wouldn’t generally ask to define something. I would probably ask whether we were seeing other people or not and ask questions about what types of things we were each expecting in the future. If he’s good at communicating then I think these questions are reasonable.

Original poster
MaximumTasteNoSugar · 28/12/2022 00:54

AtTheNursingHome · 28/12/2022 00:53

oh ok, you don’t want to define it but you’re dying to ‘ask him the question’ Hmm

Show quote history

I want to know, for myself, if its going anywhere. Is that clearer? Do you have anything helpful to add now?

OP posts:
Pascor · 28/12/2022 00:54

Your question is you want to know how to define the non relationship while denying you want to define the non relationship. The answe is: get a grip.

Original poster
MaximumTasteNoSugar · 28/12/2022 00:55

@LipsSoScarlet Ooh yeah that's a good point!

OP posts:
Original poster
MaximumTasteNoSugar · 28/12/2022 00:56

@Pascor ...okay hun 😅👍 thanks for the advice!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/12/2022 00:57

It's called dating and given your demeanor he would be wise to start running for those hills.

hugefanofcheese · 28/12/2022 00:58

What is it you're actually so keen to know? Work that out and ask it, specifically. No vague queries about 'what are we?'.

Is it whether you're exclusive? Definitely ask that if so. What he's looking for in a relationship? Ask.

MavisMcMinty · 28/12/2022 00:59

Being friends first is a really great start, but “where are we?” is a bit of a heart-sink question (imo). I appreciate that blithely saying “just relax, enjoy it while it lasts!” is of no help to you, but if he’s as open and communicative as you say, he might bring up the subject himself.

Original poster
MaximumTasteNoSugar · 28/12/2022 00:59

@hugefanofcheese I think it's more that I want to know if he sees it progressing in the future, because I do, and I want to know if I should emotionally invest or not.

OP posts:
LHReturns · 28/12/2022 01:01

OP what would you like to ask him?