Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really dislike when friends invite other friends…

113 replies

AnnieApple123 · 27/12/2022 22:51

Y’know when you make plans with a friend and right beforehand they suddenly announce that, ‘Oh by the way, I’ve invited Blah Blah along too!’ Completely changing the dynamic.

Do others dislike this too? Or do most of you genuinely take a ‘more the merrier’ approach?

OP posts:
ClaretBarret · 28/12/2022 16:04

saraclara · 28/12/2022 15:59

Why childish? I don't understand that at all. Adults make arrangements and stick to them, don't they? Or at least ask if its okay before they change them?

Show quote history

Inviting others isn’t changing anything, if they rebooked a different restaurant or cancelled a ticket and booked something else that’s changing arrangements.

Burgoo · 28/12/2022 16:05

Depends on the context. If I want to offload my week onto my friend and talk about personal stuff, then yes it is irritating. If its just a catch up then that's no problem. I can't assume my friend will know though.

GetThatHelmetOn · 28/12/2022 16:06

Same here, I hate when someone invites someone not known to all of the group and changing the dynamic, I just feel like going home… and sometimes do.

Dalekjastninerels · 28/12/2022 16:11

Friend has a friend who once said I looked like I just got out of bed when I had a nice top and trousers on.

I told her to fuck off Angry

She was a promiscuous drunk driver too Angry

butterfliedtwo · 28/12/2022 16:14

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 27/12/2022 23:12

It’s bloody rude, it’s like your company is not enough.

Exactly. I've cancelled meetups before when this happened. At least ask before.

Ticketyboots · 28/12/2022 16:16

Orangelover · 28/12/2022 12:56

Depends on the extra person invited Grin I have a friend that does this, she's a more the merrier type and hates to think of anyone left out so I frequently get told "so and so is coming along too hope that's ok!"

Most of the time I don't mind as we have lots of mutual friends who I happily spend time with all together, but there's a couple of her friends that I'm really not keen on and definitely would never choose to spend the day/evening with!

@Orangelover - how do you handle this - do you have to ask for names in advance and then choose not to go if it’s someone you don’t want to spend an evening with?

Or does she say who’s now coming upfront and if you are not keen are you comfortable dropping out and saying why?

Or do you just go along and endure person you are not keen on.

Byfleet · 28/12/2022 16:17

Introvert/Extrovert is about how your energy is spent/recharged in social situations. It is nothing to do with how social or shy you are

Yes! @XenoBitch

Thepeopleversuswork · 28/12/2022 16:22

I am pretty chilled about this as a rule and I rarely mind meeting the friends of my friends but I have come to understand over time that most people don’t see it like that.

It is very situation specific I think. Inviting a non work friend to an impromptu work drinks would be totally fine in my view but I might be a bit miffed if planning a catch up dinner with an old mate and she sprung another friend on me without asking.

I think the yardstick is really that if the other person had a reasonable expectation it was going to be one on one it’s a bit naff to move the goalposts but if it’s a gathering it’s a bit controlling to expect to vet invitees

InFiveMins · 28/12/2022 16:23

I'm exactly the same OP and I used to go along with it to keep the peace, but now I explicitly tell people I don't want them to bring anyone else along. Being blunt about it has worked, although I do occasionally have to remind some of my friends that when I am making plans with them I am making plans with them only, and the invite isn't stretching to other friends or partners or whoever!

NorthernAndSouthern · 28/12/2022 16:23

Wineat5isfine · 27/12/2022 23:21

I don’t like this at all. When you have an established friends group and someone tries to bring in another family - it’s just a bit weird.

currently going through this and it’s caused issues

Is this someone trying to steal your friends?

ive had this recently too

JoanOgden · 28/12/2022 16:32

Thepeopleversuswork · 28/12/2022 16:22

I am pretty chilled about this as a rule and I rarely mind meeting the friends of my friends but I have come to understand over time that most people don’t see it like that.

It is very situation specific I think. Inviting a non work friend to an impromptu work drinks would be totally fine in my view but I might be a bit miffed if planning a catch up dinner with an old mate and she sprung another friend on me without asking.

I think the yardstick is really that if the other person had a reasonable expectation it was going to be one on one it’s a bit naff to move the goalposts but if it’s a gathering it’s a bit controlling to expect to vet invitees

Inviting a non-work friend to work drinks is a bit odd, IMO - as work drinks generally involves a lot of chat about work.

I actually was once the non-work friend invited to work drinks; I went along because I didn't understand the situation, it was then incredibly awkward and I had to find an excuse to leave quickly. Being the random extra invitee is often itself unenjoyable, as the "more the merrier" types often don't think about their feelings either!

Cococomelon · 28/12/2022 18:46

YANBU

amicissimma · 28/12/2022 22:42

It can be a problem for the 'extra' as well.

I have a group of 4 friends from one situation who meet up a few times a year as we don't live near each other. 4 of us are usually there, the fifth often misses. No problem, except that she's not always up to date with what's going on with the rest of us. One day we agreed to meet to support one of the group who was going through a horrible divorce. Number 5 came along and brought a friend whom none of the rest of us knew. The divorcee's situation was so intense that she couldn't hold back from her anticipated debrief with her friends and we all fell into a good session of sympathy and bitching about the man and his nasty antics. The poor 'extra' just sat there, not knowing any of us or the man and not being in a position to offer anything but general support to the person who really needed it. She was travelling with the friend who brought her so was a bit stuck until she left. It must have been a nightmare, but none of the rest of us wanted to deprive our struggling friend with the support session she clearly needed.

Always a good idea to check before bringing an unexpected guest to a meet up of a long-established group.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page